Fast Times at Limulus High: Episode 1

{(set: $metGambit to false) (set: $wallet to true) (set: $lieGambit to false) (set: $Intrigued to false) (set: $assBeat to false) (set: $alaricContact to false) (set: $filContact to false) (set: $gambitContact to false) (set: $duckyContact to false) (set: $warpContact to false) (set: $dayOne to true) (set: $metAlaric to false) (set: $metDucky to false) (set: $metFil to false)} You wake up groggy and tired, having slept on a mattress bare of sheets and other necessities. Around you, boxes are piled like the stores of gold in a dragon’s hoard. It’s been three weeks since you’ve moved to the city of Alcuin, and you still have done none of the “adjusting” your parents told you would happen naturally. And now, it’s time for school. Your first day at Limulus High. [[Fuck high school.]] [[ughhhhhh fine let's go]]

Yeah, fuck school! You let your parents drop you off in front of the school, then immediately walk away from it. You’re not quite sure where you’re walking to, because you’re new to the city and not quite used to it, but you sure are skipping school. You come up on an [[intersection.]]

You get dressed, holding back your complaints. No use griping now. You arrive at Limulus High after an only slightly awkward car ride with your parents. Limulus High School is a huge stone building flanked by two rows of trees. You have no idea how those things could grow in the city. Students pour in. None of them are looking at you, except for a guy with jet black hair who is walking up to you. Fuck. You scramble to pick up more details about him as he closes in on you. [[He's pretty good looking]]

The intersection is pretty nice. You’re in an upscale part of town. But both these paths seem to be a bit of an outlier, though. One is an alley that zig-zags so that you can only see the first few feet of it. Its walls are covered in graffiti. From this path, you can smell the faint scent of rot and decay. Probably trash, but the excitable mystery writer in the back of your head immediately volunteers that a body is also an option. The second path is not an alley. It is more of a street, pocked with potholes that the respectable shopowners nearby must really disapprove of. It’s sunny out, but whenever you look down this street, the sky clouds. From this path, you can smell sweat and hear, faintly, the sound of someone cursing after having stubbed their toe. [[Alley.]] [[Street.]]

{(set: $metGambit to true)} He has blue eyes and he’s taller than you. He’s wearing expensive-looking clothes but in a way that lets you know he doesn’t really like them. His hands twitch slightly at his sides. He’s wearing gloves, you notice, and wonder if it’s that kind of rich kid school or if this guy’s just an asshole. He’s clean-shaven. “Hi,” he says. “I’m G-- I’m Raymond. Are you new? I’m supposed to guide the new kid around.” [[Yes, I'm new.]] [[UHHH NO I'VE BEEN HERE FOR A WHILE]]

Raymond sighs. “Okay, I’ll give you the tour then. Don’t get any ideas, though. My dad’s making me do this.” Raymond takes you on a tour of the school, and even though he warned you he wasn’t shooting to be your friend, you actually get along okay! Turns out Raymond’s dad is the principal, and also a real dickweed. When you get to class, you realize your wallet is missing. Now, how could that have happened? [[You are in class.]]

{(set: $lieGambit to true)} Raymond winces. “Right.” You hear him cursing under his breath as he walks away. You walk towards the school. Once again, you have gotten away with everything consequence-free! You stride confidently through the double-door entrance... and are immediately lost. You wander through the school like the damned spirit of an unpopular nerdy girl killed in a fatal gummy bear accident, peeking through doors in a vain effort to find the room you belong in. No! You refuse to be shaken! You shall forge on confidently! You shall go out with a bang! You will enter the next room you come upon, and commit to staying there until you can find your class! Full of bravado, you throw open a random door to find the... [[Pool?]]

Thanks to Raymond’s help, you find your way to class on time. Visions from different shows dance in your head of having to stand in front of the whole class and introduce yourself. You feel dizzy at the very thought. But luckily, no such thing happens. The teacher gestures tiredly to your new seat and tells the class they have a new student. The teacher turns to face the board, and the kid next to you immediately turns to talk to you. He has pale skin disrupted by dark brown freckles and instead of the worksheet everybody else has, he has music sheets scattered on his desk. He’s also a fucking unit. He’s taller than anybody else in the room, including the teacher. He smiled earnestly at you. “Hi!” [[Ignore]] [[Hey?]]

You didn’t know this place had a pool. And there’s someone in it. You can’t see them clearly because they’re swimming near the bottom. They come up after a few seconds, revealing a boy with brown skin, dark hair, and incongruously blue-green eyes. Three scars rake down the front of his face. He looks up at you, almost panicked. “Uh… there’s class right now. What are you doing here?” [[Tell the pool-dweller you're lost.]] [[Lie to the watery scamp]]

You stare at your worksheet as if transfixed. This guy seems weird. He keeps talking anyways. “I’m Ducky You should come and join my new club. It’s called the Death Jam Club and we do our own pyrotechnics!” {(set: $metDucky to true)} [[Actually this sounds cool|Intrigued]] [[Pray he stops]]

You strike up a conversation. This guy’s certainly more interesting than class. You introduce yourself. Your new friend (?) grins. “I’m Ducky. I’m made this club called the Death Jam Club, wanna join? We have dry ice!” You’re not quite sure why “having dry ice” is supposed to be so tempting. Doesn’t everybody have some? Also, did this kid just start talking to you to get him to join his club? That sounds kind of cult-y. Which, I mean, you are kind of into, but since you are technically spoken for, it wouldn’t do to join a new cult. Still, it might be good to make some friends around here… {(set: $metDucky to true)} [[Intrigued]] [[Nah]]

Ducky continues to talk. He doesn’t appear to actually care whether or not you are interested. Well, tough luck for him. You tune out his voice and eventually begin to pencil in answers for the worksheet. Eventually, Ducky gets the point and stops talking to you. At two other people in the class give you dirty looks. You get the sense that Ducky is well-liked, which puts you in negative standing with them. Godammit. [[Eventually, Class Ends.]]

[(set: $Intrigued to true)] “Sounds interesting,” you say, somewhat cautiously. “When do you guys meet?” Ducky pumps his fist and for a moment has to turn back to the teacher, who has asked the class a question. You both pretend to pay attention for a few minutes before he says, “We meet… today! And, once a week, after school.” You’re guessing he means every Monday. You nod. You may or may not actually go, but it’s good to have the option. A club is kind of a built-in friend group anyways, and it’ll help you handle school a lot more if you have someone to eat your lunch with. [[Eventually, Class Ends.]]

“I dunno,” you say. “I’m not super interested in clubs just yet. Maybe eventually, but right now I just want to figure out where my classes and stuff are.” Ducky nods wisely. “Okay, well, if you ever want to know more, you can always ask me.” You keep talking on the down-low for the rest of class. Ducky seems really easy-going, even if he did say he ate a hard-boiled egg covered in mayonnaise and liked it. By the end of class, you’ve swapped numbers, too. All in all, a success. [[Eventually, Class Ends.]]

The bell rings. You head off to your next period. You're pretty much an average student... There aren't any interesting people in your other classes, to your disappointment. There is one teacher who tries to tell you that slavery didn't start because of racism, but that's more enraging than actually interesting. [[the school day ends.]]

You’ve made it through the school day, in one form or another. Even though the final class has let out, there are still a couple of students in the halls, and you follow them to the section of the school that still has activity: the club rooms. Damn, this school has separate rooms for clubs. It really is rich. There are a few clubs that seem interesting.[(if: $Intrigued is true)[Oh, and there's Death Jam Club, too.]] [[????? Club]] [[Death Jam Club]] [[Gardening Club]] [[Fuck this shit, go home.]]

You have no idea what the ???? Club is because the name has been blacked out, but you can’t resist a mystery. You go in. The room is dark. In the light that pours in from the hallway you can see the glimmer of tripwires. “Hello?” You call into the gloom. (if: $metGambit is true)[(if: $lieGambit is true)[ “Oh, so you are new.” Shit. From the shadows emerges that guy you lied to before. Raymond, right? “Everybody who’s been here for more than a week knows what this club is.” [[What is it?]] [[I'm sorry I lied.]] [[Let's look at those other clubs.]]] (elseif: $lieGambit is false)[“Oh, shit. It’s you. You’re the new kid, right? Quick question: Are you a narc?” [[I am a narc]] [[I'm no narc!]]]] (elseif: $metGambit is false)["Who are you?" A voice calls back. "I'm the new kid. I guess. I've been... avoiding school," you say cautiously. "Nice. Well. I'm pretty sure of the answer, but. Are you a narc?" [[I am a narc]] [[I'm no narc!]]]

(if: $Intrigued is true)[Ducky is sitting in the room already, alongside a strange boy with three scars running down his face. He brightens when you come in. “Hey!” He says. “This is Alaric. I’m so glad you’ve come! ] (elseif: $Intrigued is false)[A strange kid is sitting on the floor, surrounded by instruments. He’s huge-- at least 6’2”. He has pale skin, which is interrupted by dark brown freckles, and bright blue eyes. Something about him reminds you of lizards. You have no idea why. “Hi!” He says. “I’m Ducky, and this is Alaric.” Alaric waves at you. “You must be here to join!]We only have two members,” Ducky continues, “but with you we’ll have a whole band!” “Can’t take any of mine, though,” Alaric butts in. He gestures to a setup consisting of some a triangle, a cowbell, some bongos, and a very big drum. Damn. You’d really been hoping to play the bongos. “Oh, wait, I know. Alaric and I’ll throw you a concert so you know what you’re getting into before you choose your instrument,” Ducky says. He throws a guitar’s strap over his shoulders, picks up a violin, and slots a harmonica into his mouth. “Hell yeah!” Alaric bounces up and down on the balls of his feet. “Oh, and turn around for me real quick. We’ve got costumes ‘n’ shit.” You turn around. There are some bangs, crashes, a cartoonish cat yowl, and a suspiciously wet squelching sound. [[“Okay. Turn around.”]] [[Hang on a minute. |Let's look at those other clubs.]]

Those other clubs look weird as shit, so you step into the gardening club. It’s just outside, and in full bloom, though it’s not quite a… traditional garden. It kind of looks like a mess at first, like half a forest’s worth of weeds had infested a dozen planters, but slowly you realize the weeds are carefully trimmed and trained upwards. You recognize a couple-- rosemary, basil. They’re pretty big. “Who are you?” A guy steps from behind a bush holding a very large pair of gardening shears. He has long brown hair tied back and is dressed kind of like a hippie and kind of like a fashion model. Over top of his normal clothes he’s wearing a serviceable leather apron, covered in dirt. He has green eyes. You meet them, and are suddenly aware of what it means when books say that someone’s eyes are “piercing.” You feel like he knows all your secrets. It doesn’t help that he’s clearly older than you, too. A senior, maybe? [[I'm new here.]] [[Is this the Gardening Club?]] [[Let's look at those other clubs.]]

You decide against clubs. You go home and work on a personal project. The boxes stay unpacked, but you really don’t care about that. You become immersed in the project, so much so that you don’t notice time passing until your parents call you out for dinner. [[The end... for now]]

Thanks for playing through the first day of the Alcuin Dating Sim! There are four more days remaining to be added, that allow you to unravel mysteries such as: what is your personal project? Why does Gambit hate his dad so much? And what is off at Limulus High School? Stay tuned for additional story, including cgs, dates, and the implementation of custom backgrounds! For you completionists: Number of endings: 8 Number of boys to meet: 5 Social Media Twitter: @writingpun Instagram: @writingpun tumblr: writingpun.tumblr.com; writingpun-art.tumblr.com for art

“Uh… I got lost.” You shrug. “I’m new here and I skipped the tour.” You pause. “Wait. What are you doing here?” His grinning face goes blank with shock. “Uh. I’m… have permission?” You survey him. “Yeah. Okay.” He brightens up immediately, though you’re certain he knows you suspect him of skipping class. He introduces himself as Alaric, then says, “well, as long as you’re here, do you wanna go for a swim?” [[swim with the boy]] [[reject the briny depths and the soaked boy within]]

“I have a general disrespect for authority,” you say (which is true), “so I decided to skip class” (which isn’t exactly true). “I’ve heard everything that old windbag has to say anyways. I had him last year.” You’re really laying it on thick now. Hey, once you start lying, why stop? “Liar." You jump. He laughs. “It’s cool, though. I hate authority, too. I’m Alaric, by the way. What’s your name?” [[Trade names]] [[withhold your name]]

“Sounds good,” you say. He beams as you take off your outermost layer of clothes and drop in. You spend a while goofing off in the pool and learning more about Alaric. He’s a Pisces, which is oddly on the mark, and he likes to swim but not enough to join the swim team. The only club he’s in is something called the Death Jam Club. You’re having fun… … until the gym teacher catches you. You both manage to get out of the pool and sprint through the doors before he can catch you, though you just manage to snag the rest of your clothes and your backpack before you go. You wind up both laughing your asses off in the garden behind the school. Alaric turns to you and says, “That was awesome! We should hang out more later.” [[I will absolutely do that]] [[i like you pool man but i'm busy]]

“I don’t wanna get wet.” You step away from the pool’s edge. Alaric calls you a coward. [[I gotta go.]] [[I mean, I can still hang out if that's okay]]

“Awesome.” Alaric says. “How about, hmmmm. Tomorrow afternoon? Normally I have a club, but the President’s pretty lax about attendance. But for now…” He looks around. “I should prob’ly go find some clothes.” He leaves. You turn your thoughts to what you should do next. {(set: $alaricContact to true)} [[You take in the garden while you're thinking.]]

Alaric shrugs. “Your loss, I guess. Anyways, thanks for hangin’ with me.” He waves, and disappears into the bushes. You feel an impulse to follow him, but you’re pretty sure he’d just get you into more trouble, even if it is funny, so you lean up against the nearest wall, trying to plot your next move. [[You take in the garden while you're thinking.]]

You retreat. That guy seems like a fucking weirdo. After a reasonable amount of time, you make it to class. You’re late, and the teacher glares at you a bit, but you don’t particularly mind. You are handed a worksheet and pointed to a seat near the window. As soon as you sit down, someone turns to talk to you. He has pale skin disrupted by dark brown freckles and instead of the worksheet everybody else has, he has music sheets scattered on his desk. He’s also a fucking unit. He’s taller than anybody else in the room, including the teacher. He smiles earnestly at you. “Hi!” [[Ignore]] [[greet|Hey?]]

You talk with Alaric for a bit and learn that he’s an Aquarius, which you think is pretty weird. He has more of a Pisces feel to you. Not that you care or think about the zodiac. He swims the entire time, until the gym teacher comes in and starts yelling at him. He swings himself out of the pool with practiced ease and sprints towards the back door. You’re closer to the entrance, so you go out that way. You hear the gym teacher yelling, but it gets fainter. You sigh and start to think about your next move when the bell rings. You get directions from someone to your next class, deciding you’ve had enough excitement for the day, and spend the rest of the school day like an obedient little student. [[the school day ends.]]

It’s really beautiful out here. At first, it just looks kind of wild, but after a more thorough glance you ascertain that it’s actually full of useful herbs. [[look for weed]] [[Skip school and go home]] [[try to find class again]] [[follow alaric]]

“That name… reminds me of something.” Alaric looks down at the water, and his own rippling reflection. His brow furrows. You momentarily panic. “Eh, it’s probably nothing. Do you want to swim?” [[swim with the boy]] [[reject the briny depths and the soaked boy within]]

“Ooooh, mysterious,” Alaric says. “Although, that does come with a caveat. You’re not allowed to swim with me if I don’t know your name. It’s the price of admission.” “What’s to stop me from just jumping in?” You say. “I’ll drown you,” Alaric says, very matter-of-factly. You’re pretty sure he’s not serious. [[Give him your name, actually|Trade names]] [[I gotta go.]] [[I mean, I can still hang out if that's okay]]

You look for weed. Unfortunately, there is none. However, you do almost try to smoke some poison ivy before you realize that it’s poison ivy and hurriedly hurl it as far away as you possibly can. You truly are a bastion of intellect. What will you think of next? [[Skip school and go home]] [[try to find class again]] [[follow alaric]]

You decide to go home. Your parents will surely have left for work by now, so you can safely relax without getting into trouble. You’ll have to walk, which you don’t appreciate, but it’s better than being in class. Once you go home, you call the school from your home phone and pose as your mother saying that her poor baby is sick and needs to stay home. You think the school buys it. Once you’ve got that out of the way, you turn on the TV for background noise and start working on a personal project. You get so involved in it that you barely notice the time passing. You spend the rest of the evening absorbed in your project, and also in a mid-season episode of The Bachelor, which is awful but good as entertainment junk food. [[The end... for now]]

Well, you figure now that you should at least make an attempt to be a good student. You head back inside and look/ask around until you wander into one of your classes at the end of the period. You shrug and make an excuse about being lost, saying it won’t happen again. The rest of the day is almost uneventful, which you’re thankful for. [[the school day ends.]]

You won’t let Alaric get away that easy. You’re not quite sure why you want to pursue him, but you do. You go around the back of the school, where you last saw him, and hear him talking to someone. You duck behind a bush. “--something feels off.” “I know how you feel.” You can’t identify the second voice. “I just feel like-- okay, this is going to sound weird, but I feel like I shouldn’t be here.” “Me too. I feel like… something’s missing.” Your fingers twitch, tracing nervous patterns in the air. What does this mean? “I… huh. I guess it’s just my imagination. Maybe it’s that thing with Gambit’s dad. ‘S fucked up.” “I don’t think any of us doubted that.” The second voice is quiet, even. Almost deadpan. “I think you’re right. Too much weight unbalances any scale.” “Yeah… do you have any non-wet clothes, by the way?” “You should just bring a swimsuit next time.” “Aw, c’mon, Fil, you know that’s no fun.” You hear this new person, Fil, leave. [[come out of hiding]] [[leave quietly with your new knowledge]]

You step out from behind the bush to find Alaric. He jumps a little when he sees you, then looks embarrassed. “Man, I was really hoping to make a clean and cool exit.” “Sorry,” you say. “I just…” [[...couldn't stop thinking about you]] [[...don't know where my classes are]]

You sneak away from Alaric, pondering the implications of this. Alaric is friends with someone named Fil, and someone named Gambit, and something happened with Gambit’s dad. Sometimes eavesdropping is good. [[try to find class again]] [[Skip school and go home]]

Alaric flushes heavily. “Yeah? Thanks, I… have to go… uh.” He turns and fucking books it in the direction you heard Fil go. He’s out of your sight in seconds, and you’re pretty sure you won’t be able to catch up this time. Godammit. You introduce your palm to your face. Once they are well acquainted, you sigh and look around again, hoping for some kind of thing to happen so you don’t have to make a decision. Luckily enough, something does happen. The gym teacher from earlier rounds the corner of the building. “YOUUUU!” He says, pointing dramatically. Then he loses some steam. “Who are you anyways?” You nervously introduce yourself. “I just got here,” you say. “I got lost,” you add, almost hopefully. The gym teacher sizes you up. “Yeah, okay,” he says. “I’ll let you off, because you’re new. But ONLY this once, got it, buster?” You nod frantically. The gym teacher places a big, meaty hand on your shoulder and guides you to the class that you’re supposed to be in. You spend the rest of the day in classes, slightly disappointed that you weren’t able to get into more trouble. [[the school day ends.]]

“Ah,” Alaric says. “Right. Uh. Well, as soon as I get my clothes, I can tell you. But not before. Because I really don’t wanna go in the school in wet clothes.” There is a moment of silence. Alaric runs a hand through his hair, which is getting wilder and wilder the more it dries. “So… you’re new, right? Where are you from?” “It doesn’t matter,” you say. “The town was so tiny that it barely exists. It’s kinda nice to be here, where at least there are other people.” “I grew up in the city,” Alaric says. “It must be nice to live in the country.” “Eh, not really. There are too many cows. And racists. Not that all country people are racist, just that I used to see a lot more of them,” you say. You feel strangely compelled now to defend your hometown. “But it’s really pretty. I miss being able to get up at midnight and go for a walk in the forest.” “Ha! I think Fil would like you,” Alaric says. Just at that moment, the gym teacher rounds the corner of the building. Alaric jumps and starts sprinting. You do the same, but you peel away from Alaric and come back around the front of the school. You trust that the gym teacher would rather catch Alaric than you, so you slow down, trying to come to a decision. It seems pursuing Alaric further isn’t too wise with that gym teacher on the prowl. [[Skip school and go home]] [[try to find class again]]

You walk down the alley. You have no idea why you are doing this. Disappointing your parents must just be your desired career. You’re certainly succeeding in it now. Well, quality or not, this was your decision, and you’re determined to commit to it. You forge onwards, turning this way and that until the source of the rotting smell becomes apparent. It is indeed garbage, and also the bodies of several rats. Charming! [[take a closer look at the rats.]] [[leave the bodies. And also the alley.]]

You wisely avoid the alley and walk down the street. You don’t go into any of the shops, because you are broke. Instead, you watch the people coming in and out of the shops. One in particular catches your eye. He’s dressed kind of like a bandit in an old-timey movie, with a scarf pulled up over his mouth and a baseball cap that covered his eyes and hair. He’s wearing a long-sleeved shirt under a regular T-shirt, and gloves under the long sleeves, which strikes you as kind of uncomfortable. It’s not cold enough for that here. He’s also like seven feet tall, and muscles bulge under his clothes, which makes it ten times scarier when he appears to notice you staring. “Got something to say?” He asks. His voice is surprisingly young-sounding. It’s so young-sounding that you blurt out, “Are you in high school?” You immediately regret doing so. But to your surprise, he makes a squeaking sound and says “Uh???? NO???” Then he wraps his arm around you and whisks you into an alley, which is not a good sign. But once you’re there, he whispers, “Dude! You’re not allowed to blow my cover, okay?” “Huh?” “Nobody here knows I’m under eighteen. I’ll lose my rep!” His eyes are very intense. “You have to promise not to tell.” [[You think about your options.]]

Your morbid fascination with the rats overtakes you. You pick up a stick and bend over the little bodies. You poke them a little, flip them over and try to find out how they died. You are so preoccupied with the dead rodents that you do not notice the footsteps behind you. “Hey,” someone says. You turn and see a man much older than you holding a pocketknife. “Gimme your wallet.” Well, this is a pickle. [[Fight back.]] [[Run the hell away.]]

You turn around to leave and see a rather threatening looking man heading towards you. He seems surprised that you noticed him. He stops momentarily, then pulls out a knife. You have a moment in which you can act, so you… [[Fight back.]] [[Run the hell away.]] [[STREET SMARTS!THROW SOME MONEY OVER HIS HEAD AND TELL HIM TO GO GET IT]]

How do I put this? You get your ass beat. You take a single swing at the guy and he lays you the fuck out. You are not of a sturdy constitution. When you wake up, someone is leaning over you. “Hey,” he says. You can’t really see his face. It’s obscured by a baseball hat and a bandanna. He… has to be some kind of professional crime boy, because there’s no way he’s not. Especially because the guy is like seven feet tall. He pulls you up like you weigh nothing. “I’m Warp,” he continues, while you take him in. “You’re real stupid, trying to take on someone with a weapon advantage. And age advantage.” He tosses you your wallet. “Here.” (set: $assBeat to true) [[Warp?]]

You haul ass down the alley, which, in characteristic cinematic fashion dead-ends with a chain link fence. You, however, are smarter than the average action hero, so you climb it and keep going until you have looped back towards school. You could keep going and return to Limulus High... or you could explore the other area. [[School. I would like some normality.]] [[TIME TO EXPLORE THE SKETCHY STREET WOOT|the street.]]

You take your wallet from your pocket and throw it over his head. He turns to go get it, allowing you to sneak out of the area. You’re not quite ready to go back to school, so you wander back down the other path-- [[the street.]] (set: $wallet to false)

You look up at the person who just saved you. “Thanks,” you say, after a moment. “Are you an adult?” “Yes,” Warp says. You are not convinced, and you tell him so. “I’ll break your spine,” he says. That’s pretty much all it takes to get you to see his side of things. “You know, you shouldn’t spread rumors like that,” Warp says casually. “People would talk. You’ll promise not to spread rumors, right?” “Yes,” You say. It seems like the wisest decision for you, health-wise. “Good. Don’t contact me again.” [[nod and gtfo]] [[Wait. Teach me your ways!]]

Having escaped your potential mugger-slash-killer, you head down the street, which is lined shops that you do not enter because you are broke. (if: $wallet is false)[Even if you had your wallet, you couldn't have bought anything. There was like two dollars in it.] Instead of shopping, you watch the people along the street. One in particular catches your eye. He’s dressed kind of like a bandit in an old-timey movie, with a scarf pulled up over his mouth and a baseball cap that covered his eyes and hair. He’s wearing a long-sleeved shirt under a regular T-shirt, and gloves under the long sleeves, which strikes you as kind of uncomfortable. It’s not cold enough for that here. He’s also like seven feet tall, and muscles bulge under his clothes, which makes it ten times scarier when he appears to notice you staring. “Got something to say?” He asks. His voice is surprisingly young-sounding. It’s so young-sounding that you blurt out, “Are you in high school?” You immediately regret doing so. But to your surprise, he makes a squeaking sound and says “Uh???? NO???” Then he wraps his arm around you and whisks you into an alley, which is not a good sign. But once you’re there, he whispers, “Dude! You’re not allowed to blow my cover, okay?” “Huh?” “Nobody here knows I’m under eighteen. I’ll lose my rep!” His eyes are very intense. “You have to promise not to tell.” [[You think about your options.]]

On the one hand, this is an excellent opportunity for blackmail. On the other hand, this guy could probably rip you in half. [[blackmail him anyways]] [[promise not to tell.]]

You decide that maybe, just maybe, going to your classes is a good idea, so you wander around until you get the right room. You slog through a series of introductions in your classes, some more embarrassing than others. [[Eventually, Class Ends.]]

You nod and immediately leave the presence of the scary man. Maybe you shouldn’t explore the city just yet. [[let's just go home.|Skip school and go home]] [[might as well go back to school]]

Warp looks confused. “Huh?” “Tell me how to be tough!” You say, (if: $assBeat is true) [recalling your recent ass-beating. It’d be nice to not get your ass beat again.](elseif: $assBeat is false)[recalling your inability to fight off that man from earlier.] You don’t think that Warp could turn you into a killing machine, per se, but it’s good to train with the best. Plus you’re legally able to drop out of high school now. Your parents might notice, but only if you let them. You can do a really good impression of your mom on the phone. You’ll just tell the school you’re sick. Warp appears to be considering you. “Hmmm. Okay. But you have to do everything I say.” You know instinctually this is going to be an unpleasant edict to follow. [[say yes.]] [[say yes, but add a caveat.]] [[say no.]]

“Okay,” you say cautiously. Warp smiles. “Awesome. This is gonna be fun.” You spend the rest of the afternoon with Warp. He makes you eat garbage like three times, but he also teaches you how to do something called the “nipple twist extreme” and a punch that’s supposed to cause temporary blindness, so you did learn something. You also learned Warp’s contact info! He tells you to come back tomorrow for more educational activities. You are excited at the violence implied in this sentence, because you are now a delinquent. You go home and set up your cover story for the school, then finally begin to unpack a few of the boxes that litter your room. Your parents are pleasantly surprised, and determine that you had a good day at school. You sure did, you tell them cheerfully, and sleep peacefully that night. {(set: $warpContact to true)} [[The end... for now]]

“I’m not doing anything like eating garbage or anything stupid like that,” you say. Warp nods thoughtfully. “Damn. There goes at least fifty percent of my entertainment for the afternoon. But you’re smart. That’s good in a fight. I think.” You feel like your anticipation of Warp’s move was something he appreciated, or at least found interesting. Your afternoon is productive. You learn at least three nasty street moves from Warp, though they all begin to blend together, because most of them amount to “Hittem really hard in this specific spot.” Warp draws an outline in an old brick wall and makes you practice on it, which means your knuckles are scraped as hell by the end of the day. You complained about it once to Warp, but then he punched the outline so hard the brick cracked with nary a bruise on his hand, so you figure he knows what he’s doing. He does, however, make you wrap your knuckles tightly with some gauze he keeps in his pockets. You also got Warp’s phone number. He tells you to text him tomorrow and he’ll come and help you practice some more. You go home and lie to your school, and then you lie to your parents. You even unpack some of those boxes lying around your room, because it’s too late to work on your personal project by the time you get back. You sleep like a stone. All that practice really wore you out. {(set: $warpContact to true)} [[The end... for now]]

“I’m not gonna do that,” you argue. “I’m sure there’s some way that this can be an even trade instead of just you telling me to do stuff.” “You got money?” Warp asks. You dig around in your pockets. (if: $wallet is false)[Shit. You threw your wallet away. You are even more broke than normal. [[You don't give warp the money.]]] (elseif: $wallet is true)[[[You give Warp the money.|You give Warp the money.]]]

You decide that you should continue your education, after all. You head to school. You get there in time to attend your final class of the day, saying that you got lost on the way (big city, ha ha, you’re just a country kid, ha ha, won’t happen again). [[the school day ends.]]

“Fuck.” He looks around. You become hyper-aware that you are alone with him. Not in a good way. “Fine. I’m going to rip you in half, then.” “Wait! I changed my mind.” You say. “Please don’t rip me in half I won’t tell.” He stops. “Are you lying?” “No.” (For once, you are not lying.) Warp shrugs. “Okay. Don’t contact me again.” [[Wait. Teach me your ways!]] [[nod and gtfo]]

You promise you won’t tell anybody. Warp seems relieved. “Okay, great. Don’t contact me again.” [[Wait. Teach me your ways!]] [[nod and gtfo]]

You shake your head sadly. “Well, then, sounds like you’re gonna have to do everything I say,” Warp says. [[say yes.]] [[This isn't worth the hassle.]]

You give Warp some of your money. “Alright,” he says. “Now we can get down to business.” You spend the rest of the afternoon training with Warp. He goes a little gentle on you because you are now a source of cash for him, but he only teaches you one move, which is the Groin Destroyer Supreme. You’re pretty good at it by the end of the day, though. When you're done for the day, Warp gives you his phone number and tells you to come by again for another lesson. You head home just before you know your parents will arrive, shower, and then send the school an email from your mother’s account about how you’re sick. You unpack some of your boxes, eat dinner, and go to bed. {(set: $warpContact to true)} [[The end... for now]]

There’s not much exploring left in this area, and you really aren’t in the mood to wander around the city, so you decide you should pick a destination and commit to it. As of now, you only know two destinations: [[home.|Skip school and go home]] [[school.|School. I would like some normality.]]

You turn and are blasted with sound and light. Some small fireworks have been set off. Fog from dry ice drifts over the floor. When you can finally get past that… … Alaric is just pounding on the timpani drum, holding a cowbell between his teeth. Ducky has somehow acquired three more instruments and is playing everything. His arms move so fast that you literally cannot see his costume. You can barely make out the instruments as Ducky moves between them: a flute… the guitar again… a didgeridoo? And it sounds amazing. Well, admittedly, not Alaric’s part. His drumming is wild and the beat changes constantly. But Ducky… builds around it somehow, made the drumming seem like it was like that on purpose. Your cheeks are wet. When you touch them you realize you’ve been crying. The song ends. “We could really use someone on the xylophone,” Ducky says. “So… are you in?” [[Yes]] [[No, I mean Yes|Yes]] [[Definitely|Yes]]

You nod emphatically. How could you say no?! It’s so beautiful. Ducky grins and sweeps you into a bear hug. You’re being crushed, but you hug back as best you can. You spend the rest of the afternoon jamming out with Alaric and Ducky. It’s fucking awesome. You “eat” several sparklers and burn your tongue. Ducky panics and almost shoves dry ice in your mouth in an effort to help. Eventually, the smoke alarms go off because of all the pyrotechnics you’ve been setting off and everybody has to leave, but no one’s too worried because this happens almost every day. You go home feeling a powerful sense of contentment. That night, Ducky texts you! He had fun, and he wants to hang out with you again, tomorrow. You text back that you’ll decide tomorrow and actually unpack a few of your cardboard boxes before you head to sleep. {(set: $duckyContact to true)} [[The end... for now]]

“I see,” he said. He tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. “Well, welcome to LHS. I’m Fil.” He plants his shears in the ground. You introduce yourself too, and watch his reaction closely, but all he says is “Interesting. Are you here to join the club? The school could always use more free labor to keep its grounds nice.” He’s so deadpan about it. You’re not sure if you should laugh or not. {(set: $metFil to true)} [[I'd love to join!]] [[Tell me about the club first.]] [[Tell me about the other clubs first.]]

“Indeed. Are you here to join? I’m Fil. I’m in charge here.” He plants his shears in the ground and shakes your hand, coating it with dirt. You shake his hand back and introduce yourself, watching his face to see if he recognizes you, but he just says “Interesting. So, you were saying?” “Huh?” “About joining,” Fil says patiently. “Oh. Right.” {(set: $metFil to true)} [[I'd love to join!]] [[Tell me about the club first.]] [[Tell me about the other clubs first.]]

You decide to take a moment and look at some other clubs before you commit yourself to any one thing. [[Gardening Club]] [[Death Jam Club]] [[????? Club]] [[Fuck this shit, go home.]]

Fil’s eyes crinkle upwards when he smiles. “Great. You can start by helping me with watering. Oh, and you’ll want this.” He produces (seemingly from nowhere) a gigantic book on plant care and dumps it into your arms. You spend the rest of your afernoon following Fil around the gardens. It starts off a little overwhelming but you gain some real respect for your new companions in the process. He seems to know everything about the local flora and fauna. At one point, Fil finds a rabbit eating one of the plants and just picks it up and carries it away. When you follow him, you find that he has a carrot patch. He puts the rabbit down amongst the carrots and then continues about his routine as though nothing happened. He’s kind of like a Disney princess, you realize, but you immediately try really hard not to think about it. It’s time to head home, anyways. When you get home, you crack open the book he gave you to find a bunch of notes in it in a looping, crusive font. This must be Fil’s personal copy. There is a phone number in the front, which you're pretty sure is his, so you copy it into your phone. You read it for so long that you almost forget to start unpacking. {(set: $filContact to true)} [[The end... for now]]

“Sure thing,” Fil says. He walks you through the garden, picking up his shears again. “Mostly the gardening club looks after the grounds, because the school’s too cheap to pay for an actual groundskeeper.” He draws you towards the rear of the school. “The most dangerous thing we do is get rid of wasps’ nests.” He points at one underneath a windowsill. It’s about five feet away. Fil raises his shears, holding them like a baseball bat. “Get ready to run, he says, and his voice is the same calm, measured, deadpan tone it’s been since you met him. [[UH WHAT]] [[Just start fucking sprinting.]]

“If you want to hear about the other clubs, you should go to them,” Fil says. “I’m not an NPC in a video game. In any case, secondhand experience is treasure to few.” [[Let's look at those other clubs.]] [[Can you still tell me about this club?|Tell me about the club first.]]

Fil pauses what he’s doing. “I said get ready to run,” he repeats. “This is very important.” And immediately afterwards, he smashes the shears into the wasps’ nest, and takes off. He’s unbelievably fast. He moves at least five feet more than you per six second interval. You take off too, but you’re just a second late, and a wasp stings you once. Luckily, though, you escape mostly unscathed. You catch up with Fil around the front of the school. He waves at you, sees the sting, and makes a face. “I told you to get ready to run,” he says. “Don’t worry. I have a good remedy for wasp stings.” He takes you slowly back to the school’s garden. You wander around, seemingly aimlessly, until Fil comes upon a tree with a backpack hanging on it. “I’d like my bag now,” Fil says. Is he talking to the tree? He holds up his hand. There’s a creaking sound and the branch snaps, delivering the bag safely to Fil’s arms. “Did you just--” Fil smiles and cuts you off. “No. It’s fun to pretend, though. I just hung it on a dead branch. It was bound to snap eventually.” He unzips part of the bag and takes out a Ziploc baggie full of a weird green-brown paste. He applies the paste to your sting, and suddenly the pain is much less. “Thanks,” You say. “It’s no problem.” Fil puts the baggie away. “Anyways, that’s mostly what the club does, if you wanted to join.” Fuck, that’s right. In the excitement you lost track of why you are here. [[I think this club might be not the right fit.|Let's look at those other clubs.]] [[I'd love to join!]]

You don’t wait for Fil to smash the nest. You just take off. What kind of introduction to a club is this? You think that you’re running fast, but Fil is evidently faster. He passes you quickly, and you hear the buzz of wasps on your tail. The threat of being stung fills your veins with adrenaline, and you run a little faster. You luckily aren’t stung by the time you join Fil in the front of the school, gasping for breath. “How often do you do that?!” You exclaim. “Only every once in a while. There are more effective ways, of course, but I used to do it all the time in freshman year. It’s good to revisit old habits every once in a while. Especially so that you can see how much better the new habits are.” Fil frowned to himself. “Hm. Don’t do it if you’re an addict, though.” “I’m not an addict,” you say, though you’re pretty sure he wasn’t talking to you. “Don’t become one,” Fil replies absently. “Anyways… that’s the most dangerous thing we do, and since you came out of that unharmed, it seems like you’d be a good fit. Would you like to join?” [[I think this club might be not the right fit.|Let's look at those other clubs.]] [[I'd love to join!]]

"Oh, it’s the Crimes Club. We commit crimes. Alaric’s here too when he’s not at Death Jam or doing something else.” Raymond’s sudden change of attitude gives you a bit of whiplash. What’s Death Jam Club? Why is Crimes Club even a thing? Raymond is staring at you. You have to say something. [[Let's look at those other clubs.]] [[...WHY?]] [[I want to join.]]

“I just didn’t want the new kid treatment,” you explain. Raymond nods. “Don’t worry. I actually don’t give a shit.” He cracks a grin. “But you lied to my face and I actually believed you, sooooo… You can join if you want.” “Join?” “Right. Sorry. This club.” Raymond moves to the wall and licks the light on. The network of traps becomes obvious, but so does a banner that reads, in homemade lettering, CRIMES CLUB [[Let's look at those other clubs.]] [[...WHY?]] [[I want to join.]]

You tell the voice in the dark room that you are a narc. “You gotta fucking leave, then,” the voice says, seriously. [[You guess you have to leave.|the school day ends.]]

You tell whoever is saying this that you are not a narc.(if: $metGambit is true) [Why does he sound so familiar? The lights flick on, and you realize that it sounds familiar because the voice belongs to Raymond, the guy who gave you the tour earlier.] (elseif: $metGambit is false) ["I'm Raymond," he says, and the lights flick on to reveal a guy with black hair and blue eyes. He's wearing very expensive, though also very rumpled, clothes, and gloves for some reason.] Also revealed by the new light source is a network of traps, covering the floor. You furrow your brow. “What… is this?” “It’s Crimes Club,” Raymond says. He seems kinda proud of himself. “My shitheel father told me I had to be president of a club, so now I am. And it’s Crimes Club. We do burglary mostly.” Raymond looks at you expectantly. “So?” “So what?” “So, wanna join?” [[Let's look at those other clubs.]] [[I want to join.]] [[...WHY?]]

“Just don’t snitch on us,” Raymond warns. “Let me show you the ropes.” You hang out with Raymond for a bit. He tells you he prefers to be called Gambit, especially by Crimes Club Members, and you agree since it’s one of the coolest fucking nicknames you’ve ever heard. You learn how to pick a lock and disarm a trap. By the time you head home, you’ve swapped contact info with Gambit. When you get home, you unpack some of your boxes and even come out of your room once or twice. Crazy. Your parents assume that you are in love. You’re not so sure, but at least you’ve made a cool friend. {(set: $gambitContact to true)} [[The end... for now]]

“Uh. Do we need a reason to commit crimes?” You can’t really think of a reason to argue that. OH WAIT YES YOU CAN. “Uh, fines? Jail? Hurting somebody?” “We only hurt people who deserve it. It’s just some light burglary in the richer neighborhoods around town. We even give the stuff away sometimes, too.” Okay, this is actually starting to sound fun. [[Each to their own.|Let's look at those other clubs.]] [[I want to join.]]

{(set: $dayOne to false)} You wake up after a good night's rest. It's time for your second day of school! (if: $warpContact is true)[Well, technically your first day, because you didn't really go the first time.] [[Go to school.]] (if: $warpContact is true)[[[Go see Warp!|Go see Warp!]]] (elseif: $warpContact is false)[[[eh, I don't feel like it. Let's go somewhere else.|eh, I don't feel like it. Let's go somewhere else.]]] {(link:"Save game")[ (if:(save-game:"Slot A"))[ Game saved! ](else: )[ Sorry, I couldn't save your game. ] ]}

You go to school. Hooray for not giving up on education! Of course, in this economy, that's no guarantee of being financially secure like they tell you it is. But capitalism is an ever-growing kaiju which must, like a terrible Lovecraft creature, must be continually fed, and you are the next meal. You make it through your classes okay. But the real challenge comes at lunch. You are the New Kid, and therefore, you have No Place to Sit. Luckily for you, there's a solution to your problem! There is a table that is free. You wobble your way over to them and ask to sit down. (if: $gambitContact is true)[Luckily, its' the table where Gambit's sitting with his friends! [[He waves towards you, indicating you should sit next to him.|Gambit]]] (elseif: $metGambit is true)[Luckily, it's the table where Raymond is sitting. You know him. Sorta. He meets your gaze and shrugs his shoulders. [[You might be able to sit next to him.|Gambit]]] (elseif: $metGambit is false)[A guy with black hair and blue eyes glances at you as you approach, but doesn't say anything.] (if: $metAlaric is true)[Alaric smiles up at you from the table. He's damp, which suggests he spent his morning in the school pool again. [[He seems like he'd be chill with you sitting next to him.|Alaric]]] (elseif: $metAlaric is false)[There is a smiling guy with three scars running down his face also at this table. He gives no objections to you sitting here.] (if: $metFil is true)[You recognize Fil from the Gardening Club. His hair is down now, flowing past his shoulders. It makes him look like a man from a high fantasy pulp novel.[[He seems chill enough for you to sit with.|Fil]]] (elseif: $filContact is true)[Fil is sitting at this table! His hair is down now, and it goes almost to his waist. He beckons at you, signaling that he [[wants you to sit next to him.|Fil]]] (elseif: $metFil is false)[The oldest person at the table appears to be a senior with long, flowing brown hair and a stillness to him, like he's meditated on a mountain before. He shrugs at your question. He is neutral, which to you is an invitation to sit down.] (if: $metDucky is true)[Ducky sits at the table. He is taller than everybody else there, like in most circumstances, it seems. He grins at you and says that if you want, [[you can sit next to him.|Ducky]]] (elseif: $metDucky is false)[There is a really tall guy sitting at the end of the table opposite from you. He has the crazy stuck-up hair of a genius and the general demeanor of a puppy. He's probably [[the safest option to sit with if you don't know anybody else.|Ducky]]]

{ (print: "<script>$('html').removeClass(\)</script>") (if: (passage:)'s tags's length > 0)[ (print: "<script>$('html').addClass('" + (passage:)'s tags.join(' ') + "'\)</script>") ] } (link: "Load game: " + ("Slot 1") of Saves)[ (load-game: "Slot 1") ] ^ load game link, put in after published

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You decide to skip school for a bit and go explore the city.

You sit down next to (if: $gambitContact is true)[Gambit](elseif: $gambitContact is false)[Raymond, who tells you as soon as you sit down that he goes by Gambit for the most part. "I didn't tell you at first because-- well, nevermind." You don't ask what Gambit means, because you're too busy falling in love with the name Gambit.] Gambit introduces you to everybody else at the table. "The guy with the tea and the long hair is Fil. He's head of the gardening club. The damp one is Alaric. He's in Crimes Club with me and Death Jam with Ducky, who is the really tall one with the blue scarf. We also hang out with this dude named Warp, but he dropped out, so we mostly just hang out with him on weekends." He gestures as he speaks to each member of the crew in turn. You notice he's still wearing those gloves, and when you ask him why, he shrugs. "Better for not leaving fingerprints," he says."Especially with me being head of Crimes Club and all. I tried to make Alaric wear them, too, but he won't." (if: $gambitContact is false)[There's a lot to unpack there, but you decide that you should just throw away the whole suitcase.] (elseif: $gambitContact is true)[You nod. "Should I get gloves, then? Since I'm a member of Crimes Club now, I mean." He looks surprised. "Oh, yeah, I almost forgot you joined. Yeah, get some before you come on a heist."] Silence descends. Should you say something? [[Ask Gambit how he got his nickname.]] [[Ask Gambit if he's got a partner in crime :3c]] [[Wait for Gambit to talk first.]]

You decide to sit down next to Alaric. He pumps his fist in the air, like this is an achievement, and begins to tell you about the other people at the table. "This is Gambit." Alaric says, clapping the guy sitting next to him on the back. Gambit has black hair, blue eyes, and, currently, a very annoyed look on his face. (if: $metGambit is true)["We've already met, dude." "Well, how was I supposed to know?" Alaric says amiably, and goes back to introducing everybody else.]"This guy is Fil, with the tea set and the hair like a L'Oreal commercial." Fil drinks from his tea cup. He seems dead inside, but then again, so do most seniors. "And this is Ducky." He gestures to a tall guy at the other end of the table, who waves back(if: $duckyContact is true)[ as though he's already forgotten that you're in the same club together]. "It's too bad you couldn't swim with me today," Alaric continues. "The water is beautiful." "It is a school pool," Gambit says. "The water is literally always like that." "Yeah," Alaric says. "Beautiful. Not as beautiful as the ocean, though." He turns to you. "Oh, maybe you'll go with me! I've been trying to get people to go to the beach with me at sunset." He doesn't seem to realize that in every other circumstance, this would be interpreted as a romantic gesture. [[Tell him that's gay as fuck.]] [[Change the topic.]]

When you sit down, Fil nods politely to you and begins to tell you who everybody else is. "This is Alaric." He nods to the guy with three scars running down his face. Alaric waves back, flinging several water droplets onto his neighbod accidentally. "This is Ducky." Ducky is the really tall one, but he seems super friendly. "This is Gambit." Gambit is a brooding-looking fellow with jet black hair and blue eyes. "Say hello to everybody." "Hello," you say, but you are distracted because you just caught sight of what Fil was drinking out of:a china tea cup. It is filled with a dark brown liquid that you can only assume is tea. He even has a saucer for it. He sees you looking and says, "What?" "Sorry. I've just never seen a tea set in a cafeteria before," you say honestly(if: $lieGambit is true)[ for once in your life]. "I see." Fil sets his tea cup down. "To be honest, it's mostly for aesthetic purposes. But I also like to play a fun little game where, every time someone at the table does something stupid, I take a sip." His eyes leave your face for a moment, and he picks up his teacup. You look at the others to discover that they have decided to light a lunch tray on fire. Fil drinks deeply from his teacup. "Also, it has vodka in it." You nearly gag on your food. "Really?" "Yeah. Wouldn't be a drinking game otherwise." Fil looks at you. "Would you like to play?" [[Yes.]] [[Change the subject.]]

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[[Lunch ends, and the rest of your school day is uneventful.]]

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[[Lunch ends, and the rest of your school day is uneventful.]]

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Welcome to the Official Alcuin Shenanigans Dating Sim! [[Click on the light green text to make a choice or go to the next screen.|Intro]] If you want to undo or redo a choice, the sidebar with the buttons is on your left. Have fun!