That Dr. Who marathon wasn't going to watch itself. I finally got the review done to it's time to [[post|18a-OnTime]].
Typical. I can't recall a time when a peer reviewer was on time with a reader's report.\n\n[[Wait|41a-Wait]] some more.\n\n[[Nudge|41b-Nudge]].
I submitted my work to an Open Access publisher that uses open peer review. \n\nWait [[1 month|23a-1mo]]\nWait [[3 months|23b-3mo]]\n[[Nobody|23c-Nobody]]'s volunteered to read me yet. WTF?
Dear Troll,\n\nThis kind of behavior is not permitted on this site. Please conform to our Terms of Use, or you will be booted.\n\nSincerely,\n\nMe\n\nPS -- Why you gotta be so mean?\n\n-FIN-
Lovely. I've placed the file on Dropbox. Hopefully the report will be [[on time|38a-OnTime]] instead of being [[late|38b-Late]].
Hi. I'm a peer reviewer. If I have time, I visit the "open" peer reviewer portal for the Open Access journal I like, read something, and comment on it. Sometimes I'm approached by a publisher to read something. Today I:\n\nHave some [[free time|05a-FreeTime]] (really).\nGot an [[email|05b-Email]] asking me to review something.
Dear Reviewer,\n\nThank you for submitting your comments on this manuscript. After reading this prior to approving it to appear so that the author can see it, the editorial staff have determined that there is not enough useful information either to the authors or to us. If you would like to take this opportunity to revise your review, we welcome you to do so.\n\nSincerely,\n\nMe\n\n-FIN-
I [[can|16-Yup]] totally do that!\n\nRight. How about [[three months|15c-3months]]?\n\n[[Get stuffed|15a-Yesterday]].
They're [[on board|36-Aboard]]! Time to get the reader the manuscript.\n\nThe reader wants more time, but we just can't give that to them. Back to the pool of [[readers|33b-Kindness]].
Eek. Time to ask [[somebody else|33a-Pay]]. Maybe we'll try paying them something (else).
Peer Review: The Game
They told us to [[get stuffed|34b-Stuffed]]!\n\nThey [[agreed|34a-Agreed]]!
NOBODY wants to read me? Jeebus.\n\n[[Wait|22a-Wait]]\n[[Resubmit|02a-Author]] elsewhere.
I submitted my work to a publisher that selects peer reviewers...\n\n...and it only took a [[month|21a-1mo]] to hear back on my decision!\n...and it's been [[three months|21b-3mo]] and nothing yet.\n...and it's been [[six months|21c-6mo]]. WTF?
So, um, when do you need this?\n\n[[yesterday|15a-Yesterday]]\n[[one month|15b-1month]]\n[[three months|15c-3months]]
Holy cats! [[Sign me up|14-Agree]]!
Hmm. [[Nobody|30a-Nobody]]'s reviewed the manuscript yet.\n\nOh boy! A [[review|30b-Review]] was submitted!
Dear Author,\n\nI'm not really familiar with your topic, but it sounded interesting, so I am reviewing it anyway. You made many interesting points, but there's still work to be done, although I don't quite know what that work is, or why you need to do it. Also, mind your use of the Oxford comma.\n\nSincerely,\n\nMe\n\n-FIN-\n\nor\n\n[[Again|05a-FreeTime]]!
Time's a-wasting! \n\nreadreadreadreadcommentreadreadreadreadreadcomment\nreadreadreadreadcommentreadreadreadreadreadcomment\nreadreadreadreadcommentreadreadreadreadreadcomment\nreadreadreadreadcommentreadreadreadreadreadcomment\nreadreadreadreadcommentreadreadreadreadreadcomment\nreadreadreadreadcommentreadreadreadreadreadcomment\nreadreadreadreadcommentreadreadreadreadreadcomment\n\nWhew!\n\n[[Post|18a-OnTime]] the review.\n[[Not done yet|24a-Now]].
WOW! I just got an email asking me to be a peer reader for a manuscript on something I know something about.\n\nI am freakin' [[busy|09a-Busy]] and don't have time to read anything.\nI have a little [[time|09b-Time]], and the subject interests me.
Dear Publisher,\n\nGet stuffed.\n\nSincerely,\n\nMe\n\n[[Send|12b-Thanks]]
Let's commence to [[reading|26a-Reading]]!\nI'll read this [[tomorrow|26b-Tomorrow]]!\nI'll read this [[next week|24c-NextWeek]]!
They're [[on board|36-Aboard]]! Time to send them the manuscript.\n\nThey asked for [[three months|35c-Three]].\n\nThey told us to [[get stuffed|35a-Yesterday]].
Yay! The review was returned to us by the deadline and . . .\n\n. . . it's a [[well done|39a-WellDone]] review!\n\n. . . it's [[crap|39b-Crap]]!
They told us to [[get stuffed|34b-Stuffed]]!\n\nThey [[agreed|34a-Agreed]]!
Dear Publisher,\n\nAlthough I cannot review this manuscript for you at this time, I have the perfect person for you!\n\nSincerely,\n\nMe\n\n[[send|12b-Thanks]]
OK! How much can we pay an outside reader?\n\n[[<100|42a-100]]\n[[100-300|42b-100300]]\n[[300+|42c-300]]\nNo cash. [[Books|42d-Books]].
Message sent. Now where's my sandwich?\n\n-FIN-
This was less than I was expecting, but [[OK|14-Agree]].\n[[Get stuffed|10a-Reply]].
The publisher's not paying me enough for this, but "do unto others". The author should find these remarks helpful, and the finished publication will be a boon to the field.\n\n-FIN-
Do they want to read the manuscript on [[hard|37a-HardCopy]] copy, or [[digitally|37b-Digital]]?
Ain't nobody got time for that. \n\n[[Reply|10a-Reply]] to the email.\n[[Delete|10b-Delete]] the email.
It's time to prep the manuscript. First we do an in-house review to make sure that the manuscript won't waste anyone's time. We do a double-blind peer review, so we need to rustle up some readers. \n\nBut are we going to [[pay|33a-Pay]] them anything for their trouble\n\nor \n\nwill we rely on the [[kindness|33b-Kindness]] of their hearts?
[[Fair enough|16-Yup]]!\n[[Thanks|10a-Reply]] all the same.
Let's [[commence|24a-Now]] to reading!\nI'll read this [[tomorrow|24b-Tomorrow]]!\nI'll read this [[next week|24c-NextWeek]]!
This review will not do. The author can't possibly see this.\n\n[[Ask|40a-Ask]] reviewer to re-do the review.\n\n[[Find|04b-Closed]] another reviewer.
Dear Publisher,\n\nThank you for thinking of me. I don't have time to do this, and\n\nI have some other [[names|12a-Names]] for you.\nthank you for your [[consideration|12b-Thanks]].\n\nSincerely,\n\nMe
Alright! The manuscript has been uploaded to the Open Review portal. Release the hounds!\n\n[[Wait|29-Wait]]
Oooooo! [[Shiny|24c-NextWeek]]!!!
Ho hum. I guess I should write something else then. Right after this Dr. Who marathon.\n\n[[Wait|21b-3mo]]
That Dr. Who marathon wasn't going to watch itself. Time to read, I guess.\n\nWhat the hell is this? I have no idea what's going on, what the author is talking about, but hey! Open Review!\n\nReview the manuscript [[anyway|27a-Anyway]].\nDecide to review [[something else|05a-FreeTime]].
Andrew Reinhard
I read this manuscript once, and don't have time to get into the weeds. Plus I'm borderline late on this anyway. I liked the piece. I guess. That's what the publisher needs to hear, right? Now where's my sandwich?\n\n-FIN-
The reviewer just isn't getting the message, even after nudging. Time to find [[another reader|04b-Closed]].\n\nor\n\nThe nudging [[worked|38a-OnTime]]!
Are you an [[author|02a-Author]],[[publisher|02b-Publisher]], or [[peer reviewer|02c-Reviewer]]?
Wow, the author is going to get some [[use|31a-Good]] out of this, and it didn't take too long.\n\n[[WTF|31b-WTF]] is this?!?!?!\n\n
Gee. Thanks.\n\n[[Agree|14-Agree]] to review.\n[[Pass|13-Frenemy]] on reviewing.
Well this is taking a while.\n\n[[Wait|22a-Wait]]\n[[Resubmit|02a-Author]] elsewhere.
Dear Peer Reviewer,\n\nThank your review of this manuscript, but the editors agree that this is not yet ready to submit to the author. Please revise the review with additional detail and suggestions, and submit it by this revised [[deadline|38a-OnTime]].\n\nSincerely,\n\nMe
What the hell is this? I have no idea what's going on, what the author is talking about, but hey! Open Review!\n\nReview the manuscript [[anyway|27a-Anyway]].\nDecide to review [[something else|05a-FreeTime]].
Dear publisher,\n\nIt's been a few months. Could you please update me on the status of my manuscript?\n\nSincerely,\n\nMe\n\n[[Wait|21b-3mo]]
Awesome. That was pretty cool, rather fast, and I'm totally getting on these revisions.\n\n-FIN-
Dear Author,\n\nYou suck.\n\nLove,\n\nMe\n\n[[Send|12b-Thanks]]
So, um, how much cash are we talking about here?\n\n[[<100|20a-100]]\n[[100-300|20b-100300]]\n[[300+|20c-300]]
Three months so far, and no word on whether or not my manuscript has been accepted.\n\n[[Wait|22a-Wait]].\n[[Contact|22b-Contact]] the publisher.
I'm so glad to be able to help out with this.\n\nI'll start right [[now|17a-Now]]!\nI'll start [[next week|17b-Then]]!\n[[Dr. Who is on|17c-Who]]!
You finally finished your manuscript and have submitted it for peer review! But wait!\n\nIs the peer review [["open"|03a-Open]]?\n\nIs the peer review [["closed"|03b-Closed]]?
The author will find this review to be incredibly useful. I'll send this to the author now.\n\n-FIN-
I can somehow fit reading this manuscript into my schedule, but I wonder:\n\nAre they paying me [[cash money|11a-CashMoney]]?\nAre they paying me in [[books|11b-Books]]?\nAre they paying me with a [[pat on the back|11c-BackPat]]?
They told us to [[get stuffed|34b-Stuffed]]!\n\nThey [[agreed|34a-Agreed]]!
Message deleted. Now where's my sandwich?\n\n-FIN-
[[Really?|10a-Reply]]\n[[Yes|14-Agree]]! I love reading even more than I love reading!
"Review deleted"\n\n-FIN-
Awesome. I'm so glad I didn't have to wait too long to do my revisions.\n\n-FIN-
The reader's report is late!\n\n[[Wait|41a-Wait]]\n\n[[Nudge|41b-Nudge]]
Discharging your duty to your fellow author feels wonderful. There's a lot here to comment on.\n\nSubmit the review [[on time|18a-OnTime]]\nAsk for an [[extension|18b-Extension]].
OK, a pat on the back it is. We've reached out to a reviewer. \n\nThey [[agreed|34a-Agreed]]!\n\nThey told us to [[get stuffed|34b-Stuffed]]!
Gah! The reader told us to get stuffed. Time to try [[again|33b-Kindness]].
I think this would be great for my [[friend and colleague|13-Frenemy]] to review!\n\nor\n\nI will inflict this manuscript upon mine [[enemy|13-Frenemy]]!
If the author follows the reader's suggestions, this piece can get published in the next few months.\n\n-FIN-
Dear publisher,\n\nKindly return my manuscript so I can submit it somewhere else. You clearly need to learn how to communicate with your authors, and you also need to tighten up your peer review process.\n\nThanks,\n\nMe\n\n[[Resubmit|02a-Author]]
Lovely. 800 pages printed, boxed, and shipped across the ocean. Hopefully the report will be [[on time|38a-OnTime]] instead of being [[late|38b-Late]]. I also hope that it doesn't take three months for the manuscript to arrive at its destination.
And it's a marathon!!! This review can wait. Hell, my whole life can wait. Season 1, Episode 1, here I come!\n\n-FIN-
Finished the article. Blurgh.\n\n[[Submit a review and pretend like you know what you're talking about|28a-Authority]].\n[[Submit a review and admit that you're not an expert|28b-Novice]].\n[[Decide not to submit a review after all|28c-Outside]].\n[[I'm a troll|19c-Troll]].
Finished my review, and it's...\n\n[[Detailed and constructive|19a-Detailed]]; I really needed that extra time.\n[[Short and general|19b-Short]], because there was that Dr. Who marathon on.\nwell...I'm such a [[troll|19c-Troll]].
They told us to [[get stuffed|34b-Stuffed]]!\n\nThey [[agreed|34a-Agreed]]!
Dear Author,\n\nAs a tenured professor and world authority on your topic, you made many interesting points, but there's still work to be done, although I am not going to tell you what that work is, or why. But trust me, I'm an expert really.\n\nSincerely,\n\nMe\n\n-FIN-\n\nor\n\n[[Again|05a-FreeTime]]!
It took a bit to get going, but I finally have time to start. Discharging my duty to my fellow author feels wonderful. There's a lot here to comment on.\n\nSubmit the review [[on time|18a-OnTime]]\nAsk for an [[extension|18b-Extension]].
[[DELETE|32a-Delete]]\n\n[[Write|32b-Write]] to the reviewer.\n\n[[Feed|32c-Feed]] the troll.
Oh, great. Another manuscript received that needs to be reviewed. \n\nIs this going to be an [["open"|04a-Open]] process where we throw the piece on the Web for commnet?\n\nIs this going to be a [["closed"|04b-Closed]] process where we select outside readers ourselves?
[[Wait|29-Wait]] some more.\n\nOh boy! A [[review|30b-Review]] was posted!
Six months so far, and no word on whether or not my manuscript has been accepted. This is nuts.\n\n[[Wait|22a-Wait]].\n[[Contact|22b-Contact]] the publisher.\n[[Withdraw|22c-Withdraw]] manuscript from the publisher.
I actually have nothing going today, and my nights for the next 8 weeks are totally free! Let's review a manuscript! RAWR! Here's one that looks interesting.\n\nI'm [[ace|08a-Ace]] at this manuscript's subject!\nI have [[heard|08b-Suck]] of this manuscript's subject!
Finished my review, and it's...\n\n[[Detailed and constructive|19a-Detailed]].\n[[Short and general|19b-Short]].\nwell...I'm such a [[troll|19c-Troll]].\n
[[Not bad!|14-Agree]]\n[[Get stuffed|10a-Reply]]
Wonderful! How long should we give the outside reader to review the manuscript?\n\nWe need this reviewed [[yesterday|35a-Yesterday]].\n[[One|35b-One]] month.\n[[Three|35c-Three]] months.
You know? I think I'd better serve the author by not reviewing this manuscript. Maybe somebody else will. I'm going outside.\n\n-FIN-