[[...]]once you enter
[[you can never go back]]this is the terrible [[truth]]the horrible state of [[existence]]once you [[know]][[you can never unknow]]can you [[accept]] that?can you [[know?]]are we one in the same?
[[we have to be]]i hope you never understand
[[me too]]/[[why]][[resignation]]welcome to our/your/mine very own
[[special hell]][[there]]there [[is]]there is [[nothing]][[. . .]]until there [[i s]] [[something]]and that //something// [[ i s]]worse than you can ever [[imagine]][[:)]]when i was [[born]] it was in the early morningit took [[hours]]i was [[stuck]]did i know [[already]]?that this is something i cannot [[undo]]?[[no i couldn't have]][[i didn't know]]which is why i am now [[here]]once you exist you can never un exist you can never go back to being nothing no matter what you do youll always be something i am always something and this something is to o [[b i g]][[mother]]why hast [[thou]] cursed me to reside in mine very own [[fleshprison]][[i love you]]~~fleshprison~~
[[body]][[i l ove you]][[i lo ve y ou]][[iii loveE y o u]]what the fuck have you done to [[me->mother]]god i hate this [[fucking body]][[fingers]], hands, hair, eyes, face, legs, guts, mouth, teethclose this door
never look back
~~i love you~~god you're fucking [[stupid->we have to be]][[too few]] [[too many]] [[too fragile]][[not enough->fingers]][[no->fingers]][[i want to snap every bone like a twig]][[i want to put them in my mouth and bite until everything breaks and blood spills down my chin->fucking body2]]~~fingers~~, hands, hair, [[eyes]], face, legs, guts, mouth, teeth[[light]][[dark]][[black when i was born]][[like some kind of fucking demon]][[still can't see for shit-> fucking body3]]~~fingers~~, hands, hair,~~eyes~~,face, legs, guts, [[mouth]], teeth[[silent]][[shrieking like a wild cat]][[forcing every motherfucker to listen]][[listen]][[i'll scream until the whole world goes deaf]][[you will know my pain-> fucking body4]]~~fingers~~, hands, [[hair]],~~eyes~~, face, legs, guts,~~mouth~~, teeth[[no->eyes]]i will never be[[silent->mouth]][[long]][[beautiful]][[short]][[no->used to be]]i cut it [[off]]no
[[it has never been beautiful]][[used to be->not anymore]][[not anymore->hair]]nothing that belongs to this body can be [[beautiful->hair]]when i dream, [[it's still there]][[strands tickling my neck]]i wake up with my heart in my [[throat->fucking body5]]~~fingers~~, hands,~~hair~~,~~eyes~~, face, legs, [[guts]],~~mouth~~,teeth[[coiling like snakes]]makes me feel fucking [[sick]][[fascinated]][[liar]][[sick fuck]][[you know you fucking love it]]you know you want to smear them all over the walls and [[stare->coiling like snakes]][[there is no sex in vivisection]]~~i want there to be~~
[[gross->fucking body6]]~~fingers~~, hands,~~hair~~,~~eyes~~, face, legs,~~guts~~,~~mouth~~, [[teeth]][[sharp]][[white]][[dull]][[not sharp enough->teeth]]strip back the enamel and its all red [[inside]][[can't even break skin]]i [[don't->teeth]] need them to be white[[pathetic]][[weak]]they can't? belong to [[me->fucking body7]]~~fingers~~,hands ,~~hair~~,~~eyes~~, face, [[legs]],~~guts~~,~~mouth~~,~~teeth~~[[long->what's on the menu]][[often bruised]][[spread]]every night you [[fuck yourself]] until you think you can see [[god]]sweat and slick and lube running down my [[thighs]]god thinks im [[disgusting]]wet spot underneath [[me]]disgusting but [[feels so good]]disgusting but i [[like it->spread]][[good]][[i think god is disgusting too->fucking body8]]~~fingers~~, [[hands]], ~~hair~~,~~eyes~~, face,~~legs~~,~~guts~~,~~mouth~~,~~teeth~~[[spindly]][[long fingers]][["you'd be so good at piano"]]the only thing i want to be good at is not letting them [[shake]][[but they shake anyway]][[fine tremors]][[no one else notices]]but [[i->fucking body9]] do~~fingershandshaireyes~~ [[f a c e]] ~~legsgutsmouthteeth~~[[no->no2]]no [[no no]]no n o no no [[No]]NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONOONNOONONONONONONONONOONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOONONONONONOONONNONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOONNONONOONONONOONONO ONO NNOO ONON O NON NON ONO NOON NO NOO OOOO N O ON ON NON NNOONONO ONO NOON ONNONO N O O NO ON ON ON ON ON OONON ONOON NO ON ONO NO ONO NONONONO[[NO]]ONOONONONOONONONONONOONONONONOONONONONOONONONOONONONONOONONONOONONONOONONONOONONONOONONNONONOONONONOONONOOONONOONOONONONONOONONONONONO...
[[sorry]]i want to be [[faceless]]nothing but a [[void]] where there should be //eyesmouthlipsteethnoselashes//unrecognisable as a [[human being]][[i'm not human]][[i can't be]][[this is not humanity]][[this can't be humanity]]not this creeping feeling [[inside my skin]]like everything inside wants to burst out in a shower of shards and light and spark and [[feeling]]i feel the [[pulses of the earth]] in the soles of my feet as i walki ~~can't~~ [[feel]] the pulses of the earth in the soles of my feet as i walki [[can't]] feel the pulsesi [[can't feel]][[i..]]i can't feel [[anything]]this body is too [[small]]this [[body->body2]] is too //small//this body is [[TOO SMALL]]I CAN'T [[BREATHE]][[I CAN'T FEEL]][[I CAN'T BREATHE I CAN'T FEEL I CAN'T BREATHE I CAN'T FEEL]][[THIS CANNOT BE MY BODY]][[IT'S TOO SMALL FOR ME]][[TOO TIGHT]]I CAN'T BREATHE ''I WANT TO'' I CAN'T FEEL ''WANT TO'' I CAN'T BREATHE ''TO TEAR'' I CAN'T BREATHE ''TEAR OFF'' I CAN'T FEEL ''OFF SKIN'' [[I CAN'T]]''TEAR OFF SKIN RIP UP CHUNKS LET FLESH AND BONE AND BLOOD SPILL FROM MY RUINED BOWELS AND EYES REND BONES FROM SINEW AND MUSCLE FILL UP THE EMPTY SPACES WITH NOTHINGNESS UNTIL I CAN FEEL [[EMPTY]] AGAIN''[[I WANT TO UNEXIST]][[I CAN'T->do]][[PLEASE]][[please]]please [[say]]please say
[["what the fuck is wrong with you"]]
[["i love you"]]
[[you]]i wish i [[knew->say]][[i don't know who you are->say]][[...->say]][[you->you2]]you're [[not]]you're not [[alone]]~~you're not alone~~
[["i don't know what you mean"]]....i [[know->know2]][[it's okay]][[i have to go]][[....]][[good bye]]~~you're not alone~~