Dungeons & Deadlines

{(replace: ?messages)[uploading your application...] (live: 3s)[ (replace: ?messages)[processing application...] (stop:) ](live: 7s)[ (replace: ?messages)[processed. please stand by.] (stop:) ][]<messages|} <div id="progress"><div id="bar"></div></div></div> (either: ...$quote_two)(live: 10.0s)[(goto: "Splash")]

<span style="font-size: 64px">Welcome to (either: ...$comp1) (either: ...$comp2)</span> {(replace: ?messages)[initializing workstation...] (live: 2s)[ (replace: ?messages)[ready.] (stop:) ](live: 5s)[ (replace: ?messages)[try surviving the probation period.] (stop:) ][]<messages|} {(set: $namearray to (a:))} (link: "Start new career")[(goto: "Name")] (link: "About this game")[(goto: "About")] (link: "Get the soundtrack")[(goto: "Soundtrack")]

{(set: $gender to "")}You identify as (link: "Male")[(set: $gender to "Mr.")(goto: "Post Gender")] (link: "Female")[(set: $gender to "Ms.")(goto: "Post Gender")] (link: "Neither")[(set: $gender to "Mx.")(goto: "Post Gender")]

(if: $gender is "Mx.")[Oh, ok. No problem, cool, cool. I guess we'll be calling you $gender $name, then. <br /><br />Your probation period of 31 days starts shortly. How will you proceed?](else:)[Hello, $gender $name.<br /><br />Your probation period of 31 days starts shortly. How will you proceed?] (link: "Take me to onboarding")[(goto: "Onboarding")] (link: "Learn by doing")[(goto: "Get up")]

{(set: $day to 1)(set: $esteem to (either: 7, 6, 5))(set: $family to (either: 7, 6, 5))(set: $stress to (either: 5, 4, 3, 2))(set: $health to (either: 7, 6, 5))}Welcome to your workstation. Please type your surname. (set: $name to (print: $namearray.join(""))) > (print: $namearray.join("")) (link: "A")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "A"))(goto: "Name")](link: "B")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "B"))(goto: "Name")](link: "C")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "C"))(goto: "Name")](link: "D")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "D"))(goto: "Name")](link: "E")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "E"))(goto: "Name")] (link: "F")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "F"))(goto: "Name")](link: "G")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "G"))(goto: "Name")](link: "H")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "H"))(goto: "Name")](link: "I")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "I"))(goto: "Name")](link: "J")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "J"))(goto: "Name")] (link: "K")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "K"))(goto: "Name")](link: "L")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "L"))(goto: "Name")](link: "M")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "M"))(goto: "Name")](link: "N")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "N"))(goto: "Name")](link: "O")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "O"))(goto: "Name")] (link: "P")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "P"))(goto: "Name")](link: "Q")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "Q"))(goto: "Name")](link: "R")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "R"))(goto: "Name")](link: "S")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "S"))(goto: "Name")](link: "T")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "T"))(goto: "Name")] (link: "U")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "U"))(goto: "Name")](link: "V")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "V"))(goto: "Name")](link: "W")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "W"))(goto: "Name")](link: "X")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "X"))(goto: "Name")](link: "Y")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "Y"))(goto: "Name")] (link: "Z")[(set: $namearray to $namearray + (a: "Z"))(goto: "Name")](link: "Continue")[(goto: "Gender")]

<span style="font-size: 64px">This is your workstation. This is your life now.</span> Your probation period starts now. Your goal: Survive the probation period of 31 days. You will be assigned a task every day. Here is how it shows up in your console: (display: "Mainframe") Next, you choose between two types of cards: A WORK card most likely increases your esteem as well as your stress level. A LIFE card most likely decreases your stress level but may also negatively impact your esteem. Monitor your stats in the status bar of your workstation: (display: "Stats") By the way: Your workstation provides you with bespoke, uplifting music for self-care and motivation. Happy little tunes. Champion sounds. Short vacations right at your desk. Use the arrow at the bottom left of your screen to toggle audio controls. At the beginning and end of each work day you can choose to come in early and work overtime or opt to do the opposite by drawing the respective card. This gives you the opportunity to balance your levels – and this is very important: If your stress levels are 8 or higher at the end of a day, you lose health points. If your stress reaches 10, you probably will die of a heartattack. If your health drops to zero, you die. If your esteem drops to zero, you most probably will be fired. But then again, trying to collect esteem most likely will come at the expense of your family happiness. And if your family points drop to zero – well, we do believe in family values, so we can't tolerate employees who can't take care of their family. We have a saying: Great project management starts at home. So take care not to work too often on the weekends. Every day you survive in this job, your workstation will reward you with an inspirational quote to keep you going. Your wellbeing is of utmost importance to us. You see, it all boils down to work-life-balance. Easy. (link: "Go")[(goto: "Get up")]

{(if: $esteem >= 10)[(set: $esteem to 10)](if: $esteem < 1)[(goto: "Fired")](if: $health >= 10)[(set: $health to 10)](if: $health < 1)[(goto: "Dead")](if: $stress < 1)[(set: $stress to 1)](if: $stress >= 8)[(set: $health to $health - 1)](if: $family >= 10)[(set: $family to 10)](if: $family < 1)[(goto: "Divorce")](if: $stress >= 10)[(goto: "Dead Two")]}<div class="statusboxparent"><div class="statusbox1"><span class="number">$esteem</span><span class="parameter">Esteem</span></div><div class="statusbox2"><span class="number">$health</span><span class="parameter">Health</span></div><div class="statusbox3"><span class="number">$stress</span><span class="parameter">Stress</span></div><div class="statusbox4"><span class="number">$family</span><span class="parameter">Family</span></div> </div>

<div class="mainframe">Hello $gender $name, the (either: ...$firsttitle) (either: ...$middletitle) (either: ...$lasttitle) here.<br><br>Please (either: ...$verb) the (either: ...$noun). (either: ...$signoff)</div>

(link: "Draw Work Card")[(goto: "Work Card")] (link: "Draw Life Card")[(goto: "Life Card")]

{ (newplaylist: 'dand', 'dand_1', 'dand_5', 'dand_4', 'dand_3', 'dand_2') (playlist: 'dand', 'play') (playlist: 'dand', 'loop', true) (set: $comp1 to (a: "Axl Jumper", "Bobolyne", "Shyte", "Bollokkx", "Dalcop", "Dorbel", "Quisby", "Rakefire", "Roiderbanks", "Sorner", "Tallowcatch", "Yaldson", "Zoilist")) (set: $comp2 to (a: "Corp.", "Inc.", "LLC", "PLC", "Group", "Worldwide", "Ltd.")) (set: $verb to (a: "merge", "aggregate", "split", "index", "match", "transpose", "concatenate", "analyze", "find", "create", "monitor", "converge", "simulate", "run", "format", "prioritize", "redact", "research", "structure", "summon", "authorize", "calculate", "build", "count", "estimate", "maintain", "structure", "write", "assess", "iterate", "mindmap", "paraphrase", "predict", "leverage", "crunch", "obliviate", "obliterate", "testiculate", "confrazzle", "exult", "flunge", "assemble", "conflate", "enable", "compute", "cloud-source", "process", "disrupt", "reimagine", "spin", "drill down", "scale", "factor in", "productivate", "actualize", "customize", "conceptualize", "cloudify", "envisioneer", "evisculate", "expedite", "harness", "initiate", "incentivize", "mesh", "morph", "pontificate", "recaptiualize", "engineer", "streamline", "bootstrap", "synthesize", "synergize", "target", "transform", "transition", "translate", "utilize", "whiteboard", "unleash", "future-proof", "sync up", "hard-sell", "ideate", "hack", "organize", "expand", "specify", "quantify", "draft", "fast track")) (set: $noun to (a: "work breakdown structure", "use case specification", "SWOT analysis", "solution assessment and validation", "requirements traceability matrix", "quality assurance", "problem domain", "non-functional requirement", "Model-Based-Management", "Herfindahl Hirschman Index", "financial ratio analysis", "exception flow", "entity relationship diagram", "enterprise analysis", "cost benefit analysis", "business entity model", "burndown chart", "duplicate rows", "cells", "broken formula", "macros", "metadata", "out of date docs", "PDF tables", "blank rows", "circular reference", "spreadsheet", "automation boundary", "benchmarking", "checklist", "child process", "conceptual model", "dynamic systems development method", "enterprise readiness assessment", "evolutionary prototype", "feasibility study", "force field analysis", "interoperability", "Ishikawa diagram", "postconditions", "proof of concept", "requirements architecture", "use case description", "user acceptance test", "post risk vortex", "management trilemma", "corporate desultory", "fugacious invest matrix", "imbrication formula", "mellifluous model", "palimpsest cost analysis", "untoward human resource repository", "anathema leadership unit", "non sequitur agreement", "buzzword compliancy", "co-opetition", "event horizon scenario", "granular data", "strategic ineptness quantum", "fleet dynamism vortal", "meeting minutes", "bottom line", "agile fungibility", "covalent infrastructures", "meta-services", "elastic methodologies", "equity invested metrics", "high payoff quality vectors", "pandemic total linkage", "principle centered virtualization", "task cycle", "agenda", "market research", "marketing mix", "workspace-specific perceptual abstraction", "inter-departmental liaison facilitation", "gap analysis")) (set: $signoff to (a: "Think outside the box!", "Let's try a paradigm shift!", "Push the envelope!", "Walk the walk, talk the talk!", "Let's go for the low-hanging fruit!", "What's the unique selling point?", "Be innovative!", "Go for state-of-the-art!", "Aim for an all-in-one solution!", "Take a deeper dive!", "Have you identified the pain points?", "If you get stuck, circle back!", "We need some forward thinking here!", "This is best practice!", "Let's get some quick wins!", "Deploy ASAP!", "Crunch the numbers!", "Scope it out!", "Do you think we can move the needle on this one?", "Please don't re-invent the wheel!", "Win-win!", "Game changer!", "Keep me in the loop!", "You know what they say: No pain, no gain!", "Make sure it will scale!", "Growth hacking is what we need here!", "Maybe try a gamification approach!", "Don't forget due dilligence!", "We should draw a road map!", "Strategize!", "Focus on the deadline!", "Facilitate Impactfulness!", "This could be groundbreaking!", "I want a cutting-edge result!", "Integrate!", "Try to be unique!", "Play hardball on this one!", "Ensure strategic fit!", "If you're not sure: revisit!", "Increase our knowledge base!", "Fast track our efforts!", "Parameterize!", "This is an event horizon!", "Collaborate!", "Try a task focused approach!", "Try a results-driven approach!", "Reorient!", "This is our core competency!", "Let's take a holistic point of view!", "Synergy!", "This is important for our corporate culture!", "Analyze, listen and diverge!", "We will learn so much from this!", "We need precise figures!", "Is it fit for purpose?", "Let's not pre-judge!", "Performance!", "Go for best value!", "What is the bottom line?", "Go the extra mile!", "Consider the big picture!", "We are movers and shakers!", "Be proactive, not reactive!", "Interface!", "Stretch the envelope!", "Knowledge economy!", "What is the total cost of ownership?", "Do you think there will be pushback?", "This will be groundbreaking!", "No backchanneling!", "Multiple intelligences!", "This is project-based learning!", "Life-long learning!", "Get to work before the session times out!", "This is bleeding edge material!", "We need more than a ballpark figure!", "Bring a best of breed mindset!", "Close the loop!", "A real come-to-Jesus moment!", "Make it pop!", "That's straight up in our wheelhouse!", "We need a bite of the reality sandwich!", "Let's touch base on this one!")) (set: $firsttitle to (a: "Chief", "VP", "Assistant VP", "Head", "Senior", "Assistant Senior", "Senior Junior", "Executive", "Super"))(set: $middletitle to (a: "Happiness", "Innovation", "Executive", "Escapism", "Gamification", "Statistics", "Organic Reach", "Financial", "Operations", "Accounting", "Administrative", "Contracting", "Datafication", "Data", "Development", "Compliance", "Information Security", "Investments", "Marketing", "Product", "Risk", "Technical", "Brand", "Convergence", "Big Data", "Social Media", "Experience"))(set: $lasttitle to (a: "Representative", "Manager", "Officer", "Operator", "Coordinator", "Specialist", "Director", "Assistant", "Analyst", "Engineer", "Planner", "Researcher", "Accountant", "Advisor", "Scout", "Acolyte", "Technician", "Aide", "Helper", "Artist", "Gatekeeper", "Superintendant", "Instigator", "Advocate")) (set: $earlycards to (either: (a: "e1", "e2", "e3"))) (set: $latercards to (either: (a: "lc1", "lc2", "lc3"))) (set: $overtimecards to (either: (a: "o1", "o2", "o3", "o4"))) (set: $gohomecards to (either: (a: "gh1", "gh2", "gh3", "gh4"))) (set: $weekendworkcards to (either: (a: "we1", "we2"))) (set: $weekendfamilycards to (either: (a: "wf1", "wf2"))) (set: $ends to (either: (a: "End1", "End2", "End3", "End4", "End5"))) (set: $workcards to (either: (a: "w1", "w2", "w3", "w4", "w5", "w6", "w7", "w8", "w9", "w10", "w11", "w12", "w13", "w14", "w15", "w16", "w17", "w18", "w19", "w20", "w21", "w22", "w23", "w24", "w25", "w26", "w27", "w28", "w29", "w30", "w31", "w32", "w33", "w34", "w35", "w36", "w37", "w38", "w39", "w40", "w41", "w42", "w43"))) (set: $lifecards to (either: (a: "l1", "l2", "l3", "l4", "l5", "l6", "l7", "l8", "l9", "l10", "l11", "l12", "l13", "l14", "l15", "l16", "l17", "l18", "l19", "l20", "l21", "l22", "l23", "l24", "l25", "l26", "l27", "l28", "l29", "l30", "l31", "l32", "l33", "l34", "l35", "l36", "l37", "l38", "l39", "l40", "l41", "l42", "L43"))) (set: $quote_two to (a: "I’m not comfortable with comfort. I’m only comfortable when I’m in a place where I’m constantly learning and growing.<br><br>- Kanye West", "You’ll get knocked down over and over and over again, and you get back up.<br><br>- Elizabeth Holmes", "I think it is possible for ordinary people to choose to be extraordinary.<br><br>- Elon Musk", "You weren't born to fit in. You were born to be brilliant.<br><br>- Simon T. Bailey", "I'm building a dream with elevators in it.<br><br>- Rick Ross", "The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do.<br><br>- John McAfee", "Always go with your passions. Never ask yourself if it’s realistic or not.<br><br>- Deepak Chopra", "If you don’t love yourself, who will?<br><br>- Andy Kassier")) (set: $quote to (a: "Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do.<br><br>- Pele", "A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.<br><br>- Colin Powell", "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.<br><br>- Confucius", "It's all about quality of life and finding a happy balance between work and friends and family.<br><br>- Philip Green", "I believe in benevolent dictatorship provided I am the dictator.<br><br>- Richard Branson", "Some people dream of success, while other people get up every morning and make it happen.<br><br>- Wayne Huizenga", "Success is where preparation and opportunity meet.<br><br>– Bobby Unser", "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.<br><br>- Milton Berle", "Everything negative - pressure, challenges - is all an opportunity for me to rise.<br><br>- Kobe Bryant", "As long as we persevere and endure, we can get anything we want.<br><br>- Mike Tyson", "Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle.<br><br>- Napoleon Hill", "The best career advice I've gotten is to stay focused, keep moving forward.<br><br>- Tyga", "I think that's the single best piece of advice: constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself.<br><br>- Elon Musk", "If you can't make it good, at least make it look good.<br><br>- Bill Gates", "You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong.<br><br>- Warren Buffett", "With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.<br><br>- Eleanor Roosevelt", "Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.<br><br>- Og Mandino", "The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment.<br><br>– Tony Robbins", "Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.<br><br>- Willie Nelson", "We have no intention of failing. The only question is how great a success we’ll have.<br><br>- Rupert Murdoch", "Life is full of surprises, some good, some not so good.<br><br>- Pablo Escobar", "A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.<br><br>- Ayn Rand", "Dreams are like stars. You may never touch them, but if you follow them they will lead you to your destiny.<br><br>- Liam James", "Excellence is never an accident.<br><br>- Aristotle", "A well-spent day brings happy sleep.<br><br>- Leonardo Da Vinci", "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.<br><br>- Neale Donald Walsch", "Winners are not afraid of losing. But losers are. Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.<br><br>- Robert Kyosaki", "Winners never quit and quitters never win.<br><br>- Vince Lombardi", "Success is not a destination, but the road that you're on.<br><br>- Marlon Wayans", "I believe in one thing only, the power of human will.<br><br>- Joseph Stalin", "You can’t let your failures define you. You have to let your failures teach you.<br><br>- Barack Obama", "Your legacy is being written by yourself. Make the right decisions.<br><br>- Gary Vaynerchuck", "A brand for a company is like a reputation for a person. You earn reputation by trying to do hard things well<br><br>- Jeff Bezos", "Once you have commitment, you need the discipline and hard work to get you there.<br><br>- Haile Gebrselassie", "Commitment is an act, not a word.<br><br>- Jean-Paul Sartre", "There is no decision that we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice.<br><br>- Simon Sinek", "You have to fight to reach your dream. You have to sacrifice and work hard for it.<br><br>- Lionel Messi", "You got to try and reach for the stars or try and achieve the unreachable.<br><br>- Cathy Freeman", "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.<br><br>- Thomas Edison", "Success isn't always about greatness. It's about consistency. Consistent hard work leads to success. Greatness will come.<br><br>- Dwayne Johnson", "There is no substitute for hard work. Never give up. Never stop believing. Never stop fighting.<br><br>- Hope Hicks", "The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream.<br><br>- Tommy Hilfiger", "My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.<br><br>- Maya Angelou", "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.<br><br>- Charles R. Swindoll", "I'm blessed and I thank God for every day for everything that happens for me.<br><br>- Lil Wayne", "In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact.<br><br>- Les Brown", "Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.<br><br>- Winston Churchill", "Shadows cannot see themselves in the mirror of the sun.<br><br>- Evita Peron", "Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.<br><br>- Marcus Tullius Cicero", "The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.<br><br>- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.", "Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.<br><br>- Mark Twain", "Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.<br><br>- Vince Lombardi", "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.<br><br>- Jimmy Dean", "I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.<br><br>- Stephen Covey", "I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.<br><br>- Thomas Jefferson", "Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.<br><br>- Robert Collier", "The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.<br><br>- Ayn Rand", "Your legacy is being written by yourself. Make the right decisions.<br><br>- Gary Vaynerchuck", "The real minimum wage is zero.<br><br>- Thomas Sowell", "If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.<br><br>- Kurt Vonnegut", "Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.<br><br>- Aristotle", "Do not whine... Do not complain. Work harder. Spend more time alone.<br><br>- Joan Didion", "When the axe came into the woods, many of the trees said, At least the handle is one of us.<br><br>- Turkish proverb", "If you have no critics you’ll likely have no success.<br><br>- Malcolm X", "When the water starts boiling it is foolish to turn off the heat.<br><br>- Nelson Mandela", "Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.<br><br>- Ralph Waldo Emerson", "Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.<br><br>- George S. Patton", "Death is psychosomatic.<br><br>- Charles Manson", "It's hard for me to believe that a human being could have done what I've done, but I know that I did it.<br><br>- Jeffrey Dahmer", "I am in control at all times.<br><br>- GG Allin", "People always say that you can’t please everybody. Why not attempt it? Think of all the people you will please if you try.<br><br>- Kanye West", "The minute you have a backup plan, you’ve admitted you’re not going to succeed.<br><br>- Elizabeth Holmes", "I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there, it's so petty.<br><br>- Imelda Marcos", "The greatest tragedy in life is not death. The greatest tragedy is to be alive and not know why.<br><br>- Simon T. Bailey", "The true competitors, though, are the ones who always play to win.<br><br>- Tom Brady", "We're selling a pipe dream to your average loser.<br><br>- Billy McFarland", "I think that it's when we step out of the road, step outside the box, become our own person, and we walk fearlessly down paths other people wouldn't look at, that true progress comes.<br><br>- John McAfee", "Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.<br><br>- Deepak Chopra", "The volume of the mass of commodities brought into being by capitalist production is determined by the scale of this production and its needs for constant expansion, and not by a predestined ambit of supply and demand, of needs to be satisfied.<br><br>- Karl Marx"))}

{(if: $esteem >= 10)[(set: $esteem to 10)](if: $esteem < 1)[(goto: "Fired")](if: $health >= 10)[(set: $health to 10)](if: $health < 1)[(goto: "Dead")](if: $stress < 1)[(set: $stress to 1)](if: $stress >= 8)[(set: $health to $health - 1)](if: $family >= 10)[(set: $family to 10)](if: $family < 1)[(goto: "Divorce")](if: $stress >= 10)[(goto: "Dead Two")]} <span style="font-size: 64px">Day $day</span> Good Morning, $gender $name! (print: (either: "What a beautiful day!", "How are you feeling today?", "The sun is shining, let's do this!", "As the Germans say: The early bird catches the worm!", "Hope you slept well!", "Did you have sweet dreams?")) Will you come in to work earlier than usual, on time or later? (link: "Draw early card")[(goto: "Earlycard")] (link: "Draw on-time card")[(goto: "Ontimecard")] (link: "Draw later card")[(goto: "Latercard")]

{(if: $esteem >= 10)[(set: $esteem to 10)](if: $esteem < 1)[(goto: "Fired")](if: $health >= 10)[(set: $health to 10)](if: $health < 1)[(goto: "Dead")](if: $stress < 1)[(set: $stress to 1)](if: $stress >= 8)[(set: $health to $health - 1)](if: $family >= 10)[(set: $family to 10)](if: $family < 1)[(goto: "Divorce")](if: $stress >= 10)[(goto: "Dead Two")]} <span style="font-size: 64px">Weekend</span> Friday, five o'clock, $gender $name! (print: (either: "What a week!", "You did it!", "One hell of a week!", "Great job!", "Wonderful week for our company!", "You can be pleased with yourself!")) Will you work, work, work this weekend or spend time with your family? (link: "Draw Work, work, work card!")[(goto: "Weekendworkcard")] (link: "Draw family time card!")[(goto: "Weekendfamilycard")]

You skip lunch break and work on looking busy instead. Esteem: +1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w1"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w1"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You laugh profusely at a joke of a senior colleague. Your effort doesn't go unnoticed. Esteem: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w2"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w2"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You excel at photocopying. Employee of the month level sh*t. Esteem: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w4"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w4"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

The office totally love the coffee you make, but bagels would be nice. Why aren't there bagels? Bagels! BAGELS! Esteem: +1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w4"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w4"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

{(if: $esteem >= 10)[(set: $esteem to 10)](if: $esteem < 1)[(goto: "Fired")](if: $health >= 10)[(set: $health to 10)](if: $health < 1)[(goto: "Dead")](if: $stress < 1)[(set: $stress to 1)](if: $stress >= 8)[(set: $health to $health - 1)](if: $family >= 10)[(set: $family to 10)](if: $family < 1)[(goto: "Divorce")](if: $stress >= 10)[(goto: "Dead Two")]} <span style="font-size: 64px">End of business day!</span> Good Evening, $gender $name! (print: (either: "Wasn't that fun?", "How much do you love your job?", "Amazing job!", "Thank you for your work!", "This was a very good day for the company!", "Your ongoing efforts are very much appreciated!")) Will you work overtime or go home? (link: "Draw overtime card")[(goto: "Overtimecard")] (link: "Draw go home card")[(goto: "Gohomecard")]

{(either: "You faint. All this stress has finally gotten to you. Your stomach ulcer bursts and you die. Ugh.", "You fall asleep at your desk, exhausted, slip off the chair and breck your stupid little neck.", "You die of food poisoning after working through too many lunch breaks and ordering too much take out from that shop everyone warned you about But hey, at least it was cheap.", "Stressed out, you lose focus and injure yourself using a stapler. You die from an untreated sepsis, because you didn't make time to see a doctor.", "Because you work too much and hardly come home, your family doesn't recognize you anymore. One fateful night after long hours at the office, your spouse shoots you, mistaking you for a home invasion. That sucks.")} You lasted $day days. <a href="https://twitter.com/share?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" class="twitter-share-button" data-size="large" data-text="I worked myself to death on Dungeons & Deadlines, and all I got was this lousy tweet." data-url="http://dungeonsanddeadlines.com" data-via="miles_matrix" data-hashtags="dungeonsanddeadlines" data-show-count="false">Tweet</a><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> (link: "Try again")[(set: $namearray to (a:))(goto: "Name")] (link: "Main Menu")[(goto: "Menuscreen")]

You get fired before the end of the probation period. Idiot. You lasted $day days. <a href="https://twitter.com/share?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" class="twitter-share-button" data-size="large" data-text="I got fired on Dungeons & Deadlines, and all I got was this lousy tweet." data-url="http://dungeonsanddeadlines.com" data-via="miles_matrix" data-hashtags="dungeonsanddeadlines" data-show-count="false">Tweet</a><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> (link: "Try again")[(set: $namearray to (a:))(goto: "Name")] (link: "Main Menu")[(goto: "Menuscreen")]

Your spouse is fed up. They take the children with them. You get depressed, start missing work and lose your job. You live on the streets now. You lasted $day days. <a href="https://twitter.com/share?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" class="twitter-share-button" data-size="large" data-text="I lost my job, my family and my home on Dungeons & Deadlines, and all I got was this lousy tweet." data-url="http://dungeonsanddeadlines.com" data-via="miles_matrix" data-hashtags="dungeonsanddeadlines" data-show-count="false">Tweet</a><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> (link: "Try again")[(set: $namearray to (a:))(goto: "Name")] (link: "Main Menu")[(goto: "Menuscreen")]

You take a break and grab lunch. Loser. Esteem: -2 Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l1"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l1"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You bond with a workmate over a smoke. Esteem: +1 Health: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l2"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l2"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You teach yourself to poop and power nap simultaneously. Maybe you should write a book about this concept. Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l3"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l3"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You browse your favorite entrepeneur blog. It's so inspiring. Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l4"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l4"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

{(either: "You die of a heartattack. Shame.", "You develop a serious case of COPD due to your chainsmoking and are dead before the end of the probation period.", "You knock your head after trying to reconnect your ethernet cable. You die from serious brain damage. Unfortunate.", "Your unhealthy lifestyle finally catches up with you. After a quick match of foosball, your exhausted body opts for a multisystem organ failure. You die.", "You die from an Adderall overdose, you stupid fuck.")} You lasted $day days. <a href="https://twitter.com/share?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" class="twitter-share-button" data-size="large" data-text="I took my health for granted and died on Dungeons & Deadlines, and all I got was this lousy tweet." data-url="http://dungeonsanddeadlines.com" data-via="miles_matrix" data-hashtags="dungeonsanddeadlines" data-show-count="false">Tweet</a><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> (link: "Try again")[(set: $namearray to (a:))(goto: "Name")] (link: "Main Menu")[(goto: "Menuscreen")]

When asked whether you want to contribute to Barry's birthday present you take a second too long to answer. Your workmates are worried you'll end up "like Karen". Esteem: -2 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w5"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day +1 )(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w5"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You finish your task faster than projected. Your supervisor is very happy with you. He also expects more from you now. Esteem: +2 Stress: +3 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 3)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w6"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 3)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w6"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

Your spouse drops in. You have a quickie in the bathroom. Some dude wants to join, but you refuse. He's really offended. Esteem: -2 Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l5"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l5"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You have lunch with your family. Your superior, who is in a good mood, commends you for honoring family values. Esteem: +1 Family: +1 Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $family to $family + 1)(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l6"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $family to $family + 1)(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l6"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

Workmates invite you to join them for afterwork drinks. Your spouse isn't happy when you come home drunk. Esteem: +1 Health: -1 Family: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w7"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w7"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You can't get the wifi to work. Totally your fault, obviously. Esteem: -1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w8"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w8"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

A colleague has you pick out cliparts for their presentation. Your choice goes down well. It seems you've found your calling. Esteem: +1 Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w9"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w9"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You get called in to HR. In the presence of your superior you are asked whether you are aware of harassment in the work place. You say no. Esteem: +1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w10"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w10"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

While taking inventory of copy paper, you miscount and have to start from scratch. Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w11"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w11"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You win at an office game of "Eat Poop, you cat". Your supervisor is pissed. He was the title holder. Esteem: +2 Stress: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w12"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w12"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You go for a walk and grab some fresh air. Good for you! Esteem: -1 Health: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $health to $health + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l7"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $health to $health + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l7"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You lock yourself in the bathroom and cry. Again. Someone tells you to hurry up, other people want to cry, too. Esteem: -1 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l8"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l8"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

A colleague asks you to cover for him while he runs a private errand. You hesitate. He rolls his eyes. Ugh, he says, just like Karen. Esteem: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w13"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w13"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

<div class="cardholder"><div class="cardwork"> <img src="dandlogo.png" style='height: auto; width: 100%; object-fit: contain'/> An Epic Game Of Work-Life-Balance (link: "Enter")[(playlist: 'dand', 'play')(goto: "Menuscreen")] <span style="font-size: 22px">v1.1.0 (c) 2020 Miles Matrix</span> </div></div>

You research your supervisor's favourite football team to break the ice. He thinks you're a fan, too. Now you'll have to fake it forever. Awkward. Esteem: +1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w14"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w14"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You break the office's paper airplane throw record – just as the CEO walks in. Esteem: +2 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w15"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w15"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

The Popular Guy remembers your name. "It's $name, right?" Best. Day. Ever. Esteem: +1 Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l9"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l9"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You join your team at a Karaoke bar. You make out with the bar tender. You're afraid your spouse might find out. Esteem: +1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l10"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l10"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You get one of the interns to complete your task. They do a great job. Your superior commends your approach. Esteem: +1 Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l11"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l11"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You stop working and hold still until the screensaver appears. A short mental holiday. Esteem: -2 Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l12"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l12"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

Your family sends you a heartfelt text message. Using the company smartphone for private purposes, are we? Esteem: -1 Family: +2 Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l13"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l13"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You get drunk after work to forget. You feel like shit the next day. But you forgot, which is nice. Stress: -1 Health: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l14"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l14"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You take a ten-minute screen break to relieve eye strain. "Karen also took screen breaks", says a workmate, shaking her head reprovingly. Esteem: -2 Stress: -1 Health: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $health to $health + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l15"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $health to $health + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l15"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

<span style="font-size: 64px">Thank you for sacrificing your mental health to the cult of capitalism, $gender $name!</span> There is absolutely no fucking meaning to life so why even bother. This is going nowhere. After lasting $day days and surviving the probation period, you have a mental breakdown in the office. You punch your supervisor in the face. You get arrested and fired. You can't remember in which order. You also don't care. Your spouse leaves you and takes the children with them. You're let out of prison. A workmate half your age posted bail for you because he felt sorry. Maybe he wanted to make up for what happened to Karen. You buy a gun. Wow, that was easy. For once in your life, you make headlines. Yay. But you will never know, because you go down in a blaze of glory. Bullets. I meant blaze of bullets. Nobody attends your funeral but at least you're a hero to fucking incels on 9chan or whatever. As Neil Young sang and Kurt Cobain later doubled down on: It's better to burn out, than to fade away. Hey hey, my my! <a href="https://twitter.com/share?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" class="twitter-share-button" data-size="large" data-text="I sacrificed my life to the cult of capitalism on Dungeons and Deadlines and all I got was this lousy tweet." data-url="http://dungeonsanddeadlines.com" data-via="miles_matrix" data-hashtags="dungeonsanddeadlines" data-show-count="false">Tweet</a><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> (link: "Try again")[(goto: "Reload")] (link: "Back to main menu")[(goto: "Reloadmenu")] <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rewuZ0AMJdw" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

You are asked to prepare a talk about "Work-Life-Blending". Your research worries you. Esteem: +1 Stress: +3 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 3)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w16"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 3)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w16"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You finish second at a business run. Your company is proud, plus your health improves. Your spouse is disappointed you didn't win. Esteem: +2 Health: +2 Family: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $health to $health + 2)(set: $family to $family - 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w17"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $health to $health + 2)(set: $family to $family - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w17"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

(if: $gender is "Mr.")[You repeat an idea a female colleague had proposed a minute earlier. Everyone in the room applauds your idea. Esteem: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w18"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w18"))(goto: "End of Day")]]](else:)[A male colleague repeats the idea you had proposed a minute earlier. Everyone in the room applauds his idea. Esteem: -2 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w18"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w18"))(goto: "End of Day")]]]

You manage to include "agile", "disruption" and "productization" in a conversation. Your colleagues are awed and you spend the rest of the day smiling. Esteem: +2 Health: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $health to $health + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w19"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $health to $health + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w19"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You write a white paper that actually generates sales. Your employer is thrilled. You are rewarded with more work. Esteem: +2 Family: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w20"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w20"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You do a presentation. Everyone hates the clipart. Nobody cares about your data. You had one job. Esteem: -1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w21"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w21"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You discover typos in the draft of a workmate. You send it back with passive-aggressive comments. That feels good. Esteem: +1 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w22"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w22"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You are invited to join the company e-scooter racing team. You break your arm on the first lap. Idiot. Esteem: +2 Health: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w23"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w23"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You create a really cool pivot table. Everyone admires it. You're the real MVP. Esteem: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w24"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w24"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

IT discovers a virus on your notebook. Your browsing history may offer an explanation. But hey, no kinkshaming, amirite? Esteem: -2 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w25"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w25"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

(either: "You slip out of bed and try not to wake your spouse.", "You get up, kiss your kids goodbye and are at your desk before the sun rises.", "You are early enough to high five the cleaning lady on her way out.") Esteem: +1 Stress: +1 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(goto: "Weekday")]

(either: "You skip breakfast with your kids and head off to work.", "You get into a fight with your spouse because you're not driving the kids to school as you promised.", "You carpool with Barry. Your spouse doesn't like Barry.") Esteem: +2 Family: -2 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $family to $family - 2)(goto: "Weekday")]

You arrive at work on time(either: " and wake Barry up who was asleep at his desk. Was he here all night?", ". Your supervisor looks at you reproachfully.", " and start the day off with an overpriced latte from Starbucks that has gone cold.", ", motivated, fresh and full of oomph.") Esteem, Health, Stress, Family: No change (link: "Continue")[(goto: "Weekday")]

(either: "You press the snooze button and cuddle up to your spouse.", "You take your time and breakfast with the family.", "You drive the kids to school.") Esteem: -1 Family: +2 Stress: -1 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $family to $family + 2)(goto: "Weekday")]

(either: "You go for a morning run. You feel awesome.", "You take the dog for a long walk. What a beautiful morning!", "You fix breakfast for the kids, than you do a quick workout routine.") Esteem: -2 Health: +2 Stress: -2 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $health to $health + 2)(goto: "Weekday")]

You call your spouse and tell them you won't (either: "be home for dinner.", "make it to the cinema, they should go without you.", "make it to your kid's play.", "be coming home till tomorrow.") Esteem: +1 Stress: +2 Family: -2 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $family to $family - 2)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

You work overtime, (either: "chainsmoking cigarettes", "snorting cocaine", "chugging beer", "binging on vodka mixed with red bull"). Esteem: +2 Stress: +2 Health: -2 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $health to $health - 2)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

You surprise your family by (either: "joining them for dinner.", "taking them to the park.", "joining them for a nice night in front of the TV.") Esteem: -2 Stress: -2 Family: +1 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $family to $family + 2)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

You leave the office and work out, instead of staying overtime. Esteem: -1 Stress: -1 Health: +2 (link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $health to $health + 2)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

You grab a sleeping bag and head back to the office for a loooong weekend. Esteem: (if: $position is "Senior")[+2](else:)[+1] Stress: (if: $position is "Senior")[+3](else:)[+2] Family: (if: $position is "Senior")[+3](else:)[-2] (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $day to $day + 3)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

You cancel the trip to the theme park and settle in for overtime work at your office. Esteem: +1 Stress: +2 Family: -2 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $day to $day + 3)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

You spend a day at the theme park with your family. Esteem: -2 Stress: -1 Family: +1 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $family to $family + 1)(set: $day to $day + 3)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

Your kids are really happy to see you. Esteem: -2 Stress: -1 Family: +1 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $family to $family + 1)(set: $day to $day + 3)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

You show the interns how to make better coffee. Your supervisor commends your pro-active approach. Esteem: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w26"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w26"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You pitch an idea that was rejected a few weeks ago. This time your superior signs off on it. Esteem: +1 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w27"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w27"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You like to spend your lunch break alone. "Reminds me of Karen", a workmate scoffs. "She also liked to spend her lunch breaks alone." Esteem: -2 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w28"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w28"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You wonder why Karen's cubicle is sealed off with crime scene barrier tape. Nobody wants to answer your questions. Esteem: -1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w29"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w29"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You spreadsheet your ass off to meet the deadline. That was close! Esteem: +1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w30"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w30"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You get one of the juniors to complete your task. They do a bad job. You get the blame. Esteem: -2 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l16"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l16"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

A prank on a workmate goes terribly wrong, but all you can think of is: thank God you weren't the target. Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l17"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l17"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You discover an anonymous whistleblower blog about your company. The byline reads "K.". K. Hmm. Later that night you ask yourself whether you deleted your browser history. Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l18"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l18"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

"Happy birthday, $gender $name!" Awww, your team remembered! Esteem: +1 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l19"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l19"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

During a phone call with your spouse, you ask them what they're wearing. They tell you. You forgot you're on speaker. Esteem: -1 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l20"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l20"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You are sexually aroused by Clippit. During a presentation. Thinking out loud. Esteem: -2 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l21"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l21"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You start attending Yoga classes. The impact on your life is amazing. //All Values set to: Optimal// (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to 1)(set: $esteem to 10)(set: $health to 10)(set: $family to 10)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l22"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to 1)(set: $esteem to 10)(set: $health to 10)(set: $family to 10)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l22"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You share home-made brownies with your workmates. They love them. "Much better than Karen's", says Barry. Stress: -2 Family: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l23"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l23"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You pronounce GIF wrong. The others shake their head. "Karen pronounced GIF wrong", someone whispers. Stress: +3 Esteem: -3 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 3)(set: $stress to $stress + 3)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l24"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 3)(set: $stress to $stress + 3)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l24"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

Your workmate's screen is unlocked. You watch some porn in their browser to relax. They catch you. Esteem: -1 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l25"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l25"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You go home for lunch and surprise your family with takeout. Esteem: -1 Stress: -2 Family: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l26"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l26"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You ask for a pay raise. They can't do that, but just think of the free fruit and smoothie bar. Esteem: -1 Health: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $health to $health + 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l27"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $health to $health + 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l27"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You watch a short video by Gary Vaynerchuck. You feel extremely motivated. Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l28"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l28"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You have a nice little chat in the cafeteria. Your superior looks on disapprovingly. Stress: -2 Esteem: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l29"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l29"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You buy tickets for a Tony Robbins retreat. Unfortunately, no money is left for the family vacation. Stress: -2 Family: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l30"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l30"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

{(if: ($stress >= 7 and $family <= 4) or ($stress >=7 and $health <= 4))[(display: "End1")](else-if: ($stress >= 5 and $family >= 7) or ($health <=4 and $family >= 7))[(display: "End2")](else-if: ($esteem <= 4 and $family <= 4) or ($health <= 4 and $family <= 4))[(display: "End3")](else-if: ($esteem >= 8 and $health <= 4) or ($family <=4 and $esteem >= 8))[(display: "End4")](else:)[(display: "End5")] }

<span style="font-size: 64px">You decide to call it quits, $gender $name!</span> At the end of your probation period, during another meeting that should have been an email, you realize that you're done with this bullshit. Ignoring the bewildered looks of your boss and colleagues, you get up and leave the room, leave the office, leave the building, and never look back. This is your Jerry Maguire moment, save for the manifesto. Fuck manifestos. Fuck emails. Fuck everyone. You throw away your smartphone. You return home to your family, kiss your spouse and hug your children. You dissolve your bank accounts. You sell your house. You give away your CD collection. You buy an RV and leave everything behind to travel the world with your loved ones. You've never been happier. <a href="https://twitter.com/share?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" class="twitter-share-button" data-size="large" data-text="I quit my job on Dungeons and Deadlines – do you want it?" data-url="http://dungeonsanddeadlines.com" data-via="miles_matrix" data-hashtags="dungeonsanddeadlines" data-show-count="false">Tweet</a><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> (link: "Try again")[(goto: "Reload")] (link: "Back to main menu")[(goto: "Reloadmenu")] <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rewuZ0AMJdw" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

<span style="font-size: 64px">You survived the probation period, $gender $name!</span> Your life sucks. Everything sucks. You're an alcoholic with a serious nicotine addiction and acute burnout. Your family hardly recognizes you when you come home. Your spouse hates you. Your children call you by your first name. Workmates half your age earn more than you. People at your office you know literally do nothing get fast-tracked to promotions. You realize the system is flawed. You will never win. Fuck winning, you won't even finish the race. You drown yourself in the toilet bowl of the office bathroom. <a href="https://twitter.com/share?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" class="twitter-share-button" data-size="large" data-text="I drowned myself in the office bathroom on Dungeons & Deadlines, so I guess my job is up for grabs, I guess. Get it!" data-url="http://dungeonsanddeadlines.com" data-via="miles_matrix" data-hashtags="dungeonsanddeadlines" data-show-count="false">Tweet</a><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> (link: "Try again")[(goto: "Reload")] (link: "Back to main menu")[(goto: "Reloadmenu")] <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rewuZ0AMJdw" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

dand_1: dand_1.mp3 dand_2: dand2.mp3 dand_3: dand3.mp3 dand_4: dand4.mp3 dand_5: dand5.mp3

<span style="font-size: 64px">About this game</span> Imagine a world where you sell your labour power for less than the value produced by your labour, and your company profits from this surplus value. Welcome to Dungeons & Deadlines, a card game where you have to balance work and life, success and sanity, career and family to survive. How long will you last? Will you survive the probation period of 31 days? Will you burn out or fade away? With an original <a href="https://ffm.to/dungeonsanddeadlines" target="_blank" style="color: #ffffff">5-song Chiptune soundtrack</a> by game creator Miles Matrix (available on Spotify, Apple Music, Bandcamp and many more). If you enjoy the game and would like to support, consider buying <a href="https://ffm.to/milesmatrix" target="_blank" style="color: #ffffff">my music</a> or paypal me a <a href="https://paypal.me/sqrsyeah" target="_blank" style="color: #ffffff">cup of coffee</a>! [[Back to Menu|Menuscreen]] CREDITS: Written & created in Twine: Miles Matrix CSS & Artwork: Miles Matrix Music: Miles Matrix Font: "Monogram" by Datagoblin Miles Matrix is a synthwave producer from Vienna. You can find his music on Spotify. Sometimes he creates games in Twine: "American Angst" was a 2017 XYZZY awards finalist. Bitsy game "Jehovah's Witness Simulator" went viral on Reddit and got coverage by Motherboard. Curiously enough, no one was interested in his game "Sh*t where's my poop". Find out more about Miles Matrix at <a href="http://miles-matrix.com">miles-matrix.com</a>. [[Back to Menu|Menuscreen]] <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rewuZ0AMJdw" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

You try to find out what happened to Karen. "Don't worry about it", Barry says. Stress: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w31"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w31"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You are introduced to the company spa. No need to leave the office to refresh. Your performance skyrockets! Bazinga! Esteem: +3 Stress: -3 Health: +3 Family: -3 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 3)(set: $stress to $stress - 3)(set: $health to $health + 3)(set: $family to $family - 3)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w32"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 3)(set: $stress to $stress - 3)(set: $health to $health + 3)(set: $family to $family - 3)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w32"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

Christmas suprise! Secret santa presented you with an STD at the office party. Jingle balls! Esteem: +1 Health: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w33"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w33"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You visit the company sauna with your spouse. Everyone's impressed how far out of your league you've scored. Your spouse enjoys the looks a tad too much for your liking. Esteem: +2 Stress: -2 Family: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l31"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l31"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You invite your kids to an (either: "epic nerfgun battle", "ice cream parlour", "inpromptu karaoke session", "extended family movie night"). Esteem: -1 Stress: -1 Family: +2 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $family to $family + 2)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

You stay in the office and continue working on //that thing//. You wake up at your desk (either: "from the sound of the smart photocopier booting", "from the cleaning lady dusting around your head", "from Barry decorating your face with a sharpie", "from your phone ringing. It's your spouse"). Esteem: +2 Stress: +1 Family: -1 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $health to $health - 1)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

<span style="font-size: 64px">Congratulations, I guess?</span> You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain, said one Harvey D. He must've been thinking of you! You have become the system – it took only $day days of probation. The grind has devoured you. We turn into what doesn't kill us, eh? So con-fucking-grats. You've survived the cubicle. Here are the keys to your new office, here is your brand new company Mercedes, and here is your fucking VP title. And sure, let's throw in a personal assistant for good measure. Someone you can push around just like you were pushed around. You learnt from the best. It's your time now. <a href="https://twitter.com/share?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" class="twitter-share-button" data-size="large" data-text="I turned into the villain on Dungeons & Deadlines, and I'm proud enough to tweet about it." data-url="http://dungeonsanddeadlines.com" data-via="miles_matrix" data-hashtags="dungeonsanddeadlines" data-show-count="false">Tweet</a><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> (link: "Try again")[(goto: "Reload")] (link: "Back to main menu")[(goto: "Reloadmenu")] <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rewuZ0AMJdw" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

According to your favorite influencer on Instagram, happiness is just a frame of mind. That's settled, then. Stress: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l32"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l32"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

Your boss brags about having a lawyer on retainer 24/7 solely for harassment charges. You high five him spontaneously. Esteem: +1 Stress: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w34"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w34"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

<span style="font-size: 64px">The Soundtrack</span> Dungeons & Deadlines features an original 5-song Chiptune soundtrack written and produced by Miles Matrix. It is available for streaming on <a href="https://ffm.to/dungeonsanddeadlines" target="_blank">Spotify, Apple Music, Deezer</a> and many other services, as well as for <a href="https://milesmatrix.bandcamp.com/album/dungeons-deadlines-original-game-soundtrack" target="_blank">download on Bandcamp</a>, and includes a bonus track – a cover of The (International) Noise Conspiracy's "Capitalism Stole My Virginity". (link: "Get the soundtrack")[(goto-url: 'https://ffm.to/dungeonsanddeadlines')] [[Back to Menu|Menuscreen]]

You join an underground fight club. Your supervisor and you recognize each other but you don't let it show. Esteem: +1 Stress: -2 Health: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l33"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l33"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

Pete The Excel Guy sets up shop every other Thursday in the third floor bathroom with a broad assortment of pills. You no longer have to steal your neighbour's Adderall. Stress: -2 Health: -1 Family: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $family to $family + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l34"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $family to $family + 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l34"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You join the wrong office prayer group. Stress: -1 Esteem: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l35"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l35"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You develop an eating disorder, but you look much better. Or was it the other way around? Nevermind. Health: -2 Esteem: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l36"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l36"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You try out speed yoga. It works, which is funny, because it's the opposite of what you're doing, your supervisor remarks. Esteem: -1 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l37"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l37"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

<span style="font-size: 64px">So this is it, $gender $name. Probation period over!</span> You give up. You don't fight anymore. This is your life now. This is what your days will look like for the next twenty, thirty, forty years. You arrange yourself with this future. Wake up, breakfast, kiss your spouse goodbye, go to work, do your thing, don't give a fuck, go home, have dinner, sex once a week, maybe twice if the team wins, watch your kids grow up, wait for spring and barbecue season, crack open a beer, fall asleep in front of the TV, maybe buy a motorbike when you turn 40, 45 latest, most probably a leather jacket, go to work, do your thing and don't give a fuck. Just don't give a fuck. Do not ever give a fuck. Things will be ok, then. <a href="https://twitter.com/share?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" class="twitter-share-button" data-size="large" data-text="I turned into a cuck of capitalism on Dungeons & Deadlines. Will you fare better?" data-url="http://dungeonsanddeadlines.com" data-via="miles_matrix" data-hashtags="dungeonsanddeadlines" data-show-count="false">Tweet</a><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> (link: "Try again")[(goto: "Reload")] (link: "Back to main menu")[(goto: "Reloadmenu")] <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rewuZ0AMJdw" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

(set: $esteem to 5)(set: $stress to 5)(set: $health to 5)(set: $family to 5)(set: $gender to "Mr.") (display: "Stats") <span style="font-size: 64px">Quote of the Day</span> (either: ...$quote) (link: "Next day")[(goto: "l39")]

(display: "Startup") (live: 0.5s)[(set: $namearray to (a:))(goto: "Name")]

(display: "Startup") (live: 0.5s)[(goto: "Menuscreen")]

You're invited to join an elite brain trust. They convene three evenings a week. Your spouse is thrilled. Esteem: +3 Family: -3 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 3)(set: $family to $family - 3)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w35"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 3)(set: $family to $family - 3)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w35"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

Your team is told to "embrace the startup mindset". Stress: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w36"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w36"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You have lunch with your family. Your superior, who is in a bad mood, turns your afternoon into hell. Esteem: -1 Family: +2 Stress: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l38"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $family to $family + 2)(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l38"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You relax writing (if: $gender is "Ms." or "Mx.")[Riverdale](else:)[One Piece] fan fiction, anonymously, on a message board. Unbeknownst to you, your team knows and stans your stories, but ironically. Esteem: -2 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l39"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l39"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

(either: "Your family keeps calling you, wondering where you are. You ignore them and concentrate on your spreadsheet.", "The kids send you a text message. 'When are you coming home?' You sigh and return to your task.", "You look at your watch. It's past midnight. Soldier on!") Esteem: +1 Stress: +1 Family: -1 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 1)(set: $family to $family - 1)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

(either: "Family dinner together. What a blessing!", "Your family picks you up and you go some place nice together.", "When you get home your kids are already asleep, so you sit by their bed for a while, which is nice.") Esteem: -2 Family: +1 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $family to $family + 1)(goto: "Scoreboard")]

(either: "It's the kind of early where coffee isn't enough. You rub some leftover coke on your gum you found on Barry's desk.", "You get things done like never before. Cocaine's a hell of a drug!", "You're on your fourth energy drink when Barry finally arrives at work.", "It's still dark outside. You're tired. Thank God you've got your ECA stack.") Esteem: +1 Health: -2 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $health to $health - 2)(goto: "Weekday")]

(either: "Ah, morning Yoga. Awesome!", "You sip your green tea and scroll through your Instagram feed.", "There's nothing like a bowl of Muesli in the morning!") Esteem: -2 Stress: -1 (link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(goto: "Weekday")]

You skip your lunch break and have fast food at your desk while you do whatever the fuck it is that you do. What was it you do again? Esteem: +1 Health: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w37"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w37"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

(if: $gender is "Mr.")[Elon Musk follows you back on Twitter. You're so thrilled, you come too quickly when you have Sex with your spouse that night. Esteem: +1 Family: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w38"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $family to $family - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w38"))(goto: "End of Day")]]](else:)[Your favorite influencer follows you back on Instagram. Stress: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w38"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w38"))(goto: "End of Day")]]]

(if: $gender is "Mr." or "Mx.")[A workmate is pregnant. Corporate Hunger Games, basically. Her position will be up for grabs soon. Your chance! Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l40"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l40"))(goto: "End of Day")]]](else:)[You're pregnant. Congratulations. Your team starts fighting for your position the minute they find your test in the bathroom. Esteem: -5 Family: +3 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 5)(set: $family to $family + 3)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l40"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 5)(set: $family to $family + 3)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l40"))(goto: "End of Day")]]]

(if: $gender is "Mr.")[You're salary is higher than that of your female workmate with equal qualifications and position. Sucks to be them. Esteem: +1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w39"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w39"))(goto: "End of Day")]]](else:)[You're salary is lower than that of your male workmate with equal qualifications and position. That's just the way it is. Esteem: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w39"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w39"))(goto: "End of Day")]]]

It seems you've been abusing the //tap water fair use policy//. But don't worry: the excess consumption will automatically be deducted from your salary. Esteem: -1 Health: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l41"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 1)(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l41"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You sponsor some kid in Africa. You show pictures of the grateful child around at the office. Your supervisor thinks you're a liberal cuck. Esteem: -2 Stress: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l42"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l42"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

Your company gifts you and your team a 90-minute session of cow cuddling to reduce stress and boost morale. You fall into cow droppings and get an infection. Stress: -2 Health: -1 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l43"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $health to $health - 1)(set: $stress to $stress - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $lifecards to $lifecards - (a: "l43"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You win money betting on your intern in the "Interns Fighting Pit" in the basement of your company, but you get socked in the eye standing too close to the fighters. Esteem: +2 Health: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w40"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 2)(set: $health to $health - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w40"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

A headhunter offers you a reverse financed internship where you pay only $20/hour to intern. Esteem: -2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w41"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem - 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w41"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You are getting really fast at minimizing your internet browser with 9gag, porn or other shit open when someone passes your cubicle. Also, quite the adrenalin rush. Esteem: +1 Stress: +2 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w42"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 1)(set: $stress to $stress + 2)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w42"))(goto: "End of Day")]]

You've worked 24 hours straight on some project, bent over your work station, staring at figures in a spreadsheet. You are now the proud owner of a hump. Esteem: +3 Health: -3 (if: $day is any of (a: 5, 12, 19, 26, 33, 40, 47, 54, 61, 68, 75, 82, 89, 96, 103, 110, 117, 124, 131, 138, 145, 152, 159, 166, 173, 180, 187, 194, 201, 208, 215, 222, 229, 236, 243, 250))[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 3)(set: $health to $health - 3)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w43"))(goto: "Weekend")]](else:)[(link: "Continue")[(set: $esteem to $esteem + 3)(set: $health to $health - 3)(set: $day to $day + 1)(set: $workcards to $workcards - (a: "w43"))(goto: "End of Day")]]