Secretly French

You walk in through the front doors. You immediately come into a hall with two doors and a dining table with food on it. [[Go to the dining table because you’re hungry]] [[Go towards the doors ‘cause you ain’t scared of some doors]]

You are a person. Actually, you’re half koala bear, but you walk and talk like a person. You go into an abandoned mansion. [[Go into the abandoned mansion]]

You go up to the dining table. You go to drink some of the diet caffeine-free aspartame parent-approved strawberry-kiwi soda pop, but then you see the expiration date. It says March 3, 1924. You look at the other food and see that all of the food is either moldy or rotten or eaten by other people or animals. One of the cups of milk has what looks like a mouse skull in it. [[Say “YOLO” and eat the food anyway]] [[Decide not to eat the hundred year old food]] [[Add salt for flavor]]

The first door is wood with a window that has iron bars on it and the second door is wood with mold on the edges. [[Go through door one]] [[Go through door two]]

You eat the food. All of it. Even the mouse skeleton and the squishy, moldy, brown, half-eaten eggplant. You get food poisoning. Congratulations. [[Die]] [[Throw up all the food]]

You do not eat the food because you’re a reasonable person. [[Go to the doors instead]] [[Leave]]

You wake up from the dream. Wow, that dream was weird. [[Go to work]] [[Stay at home because you wanna write that dream down]]

You throw up the food and that somehow makes you better. [[Eat the food again]] [[Go through the convenient trapdoor that has just appeared on the floor]]

You go to the first door. In the first door, there is a huge statue of a duck with no right wing. [[Go punch it in the foot]] [[Poop on the floor]]

You go through the second door because you are secretly french.In the second room, there is a long hall with a lot of doors. At the end of the hall there is a door that says ‘TOP SECRET’ on it. [[Go through the the top secret door]] [[Go through one of the other doors]]

You cannot leave. [[Go through one of the doors]] [[Poop on the floor]]

You go to work. It is boring, as usual. You hate work and you don’t even get paid for it, but for some reason, you still go. You are a very confusing person. [[Quit your job and live in the woods in a log cabin]] [[Stay in your job and demand money from your boss]]

You write your dream down. It’s the middle of the day now, and you’re supposed to be at your job in 30 minutes. [[Go to work]] [[Call in sick]]

Your fist hurts now. [[Apologize to the duck]] [[Say “STUPID DUCK!”]]

You are a disgusting human being who deserves to be punished. [[Clean up the poop]] [[Step in the poop]]

You are stupid and you die. [[Aww]]

You go through the convenient trapdoor. You fall onto a large concrete floor and break your leg. That’s what you get for just going for things without checking if they’re safe. Idiot. [[Say “No pain, no gain” and start punching your broken leg]] [[Make a super cool grappling hook out of marshmallows and toothpicks]] [[Explore the area]]

You go into the top secret room. There is a large red button that says 'do not press' on it. [[Press the button]] [[Don't press the button because you’re a good person and leave the room]]

You decide to go through one of the other doors. [[Go through the bright purple door]] [[Go through the door that has a stupid face]] [[Go through the doggie door]]

The first door is wood with a window that has iron bars on it and the second door is wood with mold on the edges. [[Go through door one]] [[Go through door two]]

You say you’re sorry and share your dramatic backstory of abuse and sadness which brought you to punch the duck. The duck says “...ok, then, that was awkward.” And lets you go through a door behind it that you didn’t see before. [[Go through the door]] [[Have a conversation with your new friend duck]]

The duck says, “Shut up and leave me alone.” and eats you. [[Aww]]

Well, at least you cleaned up after yourself. Now you must go through one of the two doors. Ha. [[Go through one of the doors]] [[Go through the convenient trapdoor that has just appeared on the floor]]

What. The. Heck. Is wrong with you? You know what? You die. Yeah, I can do that. [[Aww]]

Firstly, you are stupid. Secondly, what the heck? Thirdly, a duck walks up to you. [[Yell “Go away duck”]] [[Punch it because you hate ducks]]

Whoa. That’s cool. You get out and then you magically fix your leg with a marshmallow. [[Go through one of the doors]] [[Leave]]

You press the button. The world explodes. [[Aww]]

You decide to go through one of the other doors. [[Go through the door that is bright purple]] [[Go through the door that has a stupid face]] [[Go through the doggie door]]

You go through the door. Whoa, look. Another duck, except this one has glowing red eyes and is a foot tall. [[Stomp on it]] [[Say hi to it]]

The duck says, “Shut up and leave me alone.” and eats you. [[Aww]]

You wake up from the dream. Wow, that dream was weird. [[Go to work]] [[Stay at home because you wanna write that dream down]]

In the room with the bright purple door, there is a sign that says the secret to the meaning of life. Your head implodes from knowledge. [[Aww]]

You go through the stupid door with the stupid face on it's stupid front. You are in a circular room with a throne in the center. The walls are completely whitewashed and the throne is pure gold. [[Sit on the throne]] [[Look around->Look around the room]]

You yell "GO AWAY, YOU PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A DUCK!" The duck says, “Shut up and leave me alone.” and eats you. [[Aww]]

Your fist hurts now. [[Apologize to the duck]] [[Say “STUPID DUCK!”]]

It is squished. Turns out it was evil. Huh. For once, violence actually worked. [[Kill yourself because you love ducks]] [[Go through the door that has a stupid face]]

You say hi. It is all like “Yah you need to die, you stupid loser.” You cry and then it kills you. [[Aww]]

You die. [[Aww]]

You stand up at your desk and say, “I QUIT! I HAVEN’T BEEN PAID IN TWO YEARS!” Other people start standing up and leaving and within 30 seconds everyone has quit their jobs except for your boss. Everyone runs outside cheering. You start a new life of hunting and living in the woods with all your friends. [[Go hunting]] [[Tell your friends your bizarre dream]] [[Buy a cat->Buy a cat 2]]

You go up to your boss’s office and knock on the door. For a second you look through the tinted window and see the outline of what looks like a weird octopus. The next second it’s been replaced by the outline of your boss. Huh. He answers the door. [[Say “I would like to talk about my salary.”]] [[Say “WHOA, for a second you looked like a weird octopus!”]]

You walk out of your log cabin with your gun. You hear footsteps, and you spin around. There is nothing there. Until you look down. There is a duck. You scream and back away, because you have had bad experiences with ducks, but then you remember that those bad experiences were dreams. [[Shoo the duck away]] [[Leave it be and go looking for deer]]

You tell your friends about your bizarre dream. They say, “wow, that’s a bizarre dream.” You say “yes it was.” You look out the window and see the beautiful woods and what appears to be a birdlike thing that looks like a turkey. [[Go try to shoot it]] [[Go outside to look at it]]

You call in sick. You are like, “cough cough I am sick cough cough and I can’t come into work today cough cough.” Your boss says, “Okay, you have one sick day left.” You say, “but I haven’t been sick once! (Cough cough)” He says, “I know.” [[Quit because he’s being stupid]] [[Say okay and have no sick days]]

You say, “I would like to talk about my salary” He says, “Okay sure, come into my office.” [[Go into his office]] [[Say "We can talk about it here"]]

You say “WHOA for a second you looked like a weird octopus!” He looks very concerned, and says, “Are you feeling okay?” [["No"]] [["Yes"]]

You shoo the duck away. It’s like, “No.” [[Go looking for deer and leave the duck to it's own devilish devices]] [[Shoot it in it's stupid duckish face]]

You go looking for deer. You see a deer with two fawns. [[Shoot it anyway]] [[Leave it be and go home]]

You say “I QUIT!” and hang up. You call him back. He picks up. You yell “LOSER!” into the phone and hang up again. You get an email from your boss that says ‘I’ll be there soon.’ [[Run away]] [[Stay there and wait for your boss to arrive]]

You say “okay.” You are sick now (or at least, that’s what your boss thinks) [[Have a party]] [[Stay at home and watch T.V]]

You walk out of your log cabin with your gun. Instead of seeing a turkey, which you were hoping to see, there’s nothing there. You hear footsteps, and you spin around. There is nothing there. Until you look down. There is a duck. You scream and back away, because you have had bad experiences with ducks, but then you remember that those bad experiences were dreams. [[Shoo the duck away]] [[Go looking for deer and leave the duck to it's own devilish devices]]

You go outside to look and the turkey, but the closer you get to it the less and less it actually looks like a turkey. It’s a duck! You scream (because you’ve had bad experiences with ducks). [[Shoot it in it's stupid duckish face]] [[Go back inside and lock the door]]

You go into his office and he closes the door and locks it. He must just want extra privacy. Obviously. He gestures for you to take a seat. You do. He stays standing. “What would you like to talk about?” he asks. [[Say “I WANT MONEY”]] [[Say “I am currently receiving a payment of zero dollars, and I believe that that is unfair and that I should at least receive minimum wage for my work at your establishment.”]]

He says, “No you can’t” [[Go into his office]] [[Say “yes we can”]]

You go looking for deer. You see a deer with two fawns. [[Shoot it anyway]] [[Leave it be and go home]]

It is dead now. You killed the innocent duck. Wow. [[Bring it into your house and cook it for your friends]] [[Kick it and yell “THAT’S WHAT YOU GET!”]]

You say “No, I am not okay because I am secretly french.” He says, “Um… okay… please come into my office.” [[Go in his office]] [[Say “We can talk about it here.”]]

You say "Yes I am okay, and I’m pretty sure I was an octopus through the window." He tells you to step into his office. [[Go into his office]] [[Say “No.”]]

You shoot the deer. One of the fawns scampers away at the sound of the gunshot. The other fawn watches it hit the ground and then walks over to the body and nudges it with it’s nose. [[Shoot the fawn too]] [[Take it in as your pet]]

You go home and live out your days as an old man with your friends. Then your best friend Bill accidentally lights the house on fire and you die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You get freaked out and try to run away. As you leave with all your belongings and your stupid old dog, Joe, you see a car pull up in your driveway. Your boss steps out and says, “You’ve angered me for the last time.” You slowly step back, hoping to get away without him noticing, but he sees you trying. “Stop trying to escape!” He says. You keep stepping back, but slower. He sees and his mouth expands, his teeth becoming razor sharp and he slowly starts to walk towards your dog. [[Run away anyway]] [[Freeze so that he stays away from your dog]]

You stay and wait for your boss, because what could go wrong? As you wait, you wonder why your boss is coming to your house if you just quit? You start to get nervous just as a car pulls up to your house and your boss steps out of it. He walks up to your door and knocks. [[Open it]] [[Lock the door and try to run out of the back door]]

You go back inside and lock the door, which was completely unnecessary, because everyone knows that ducks can’t open doors because ducks are french. [[Unlock the door]] [[Keep it locked and laugh at the duck through the window]]

You go have a party with all of your friends, but your friend Bill accidentally turns up the speakers too loud and the house explodes. You are still alive, but you have become french. [[Try to find help]] [[Start dancing because you love this song]]

You stay at home and watch the nature channel. You are watching a documentary about the different types of ducks in Northern America when one of the ducks slowly turns toward you and stares at you without blinking. You move your head to the right. The duck’s eyes follow your every movement. Then it lunges at you and comes straight through the screen. It goes straight for your head. You jump out of the way, but it jumps up and eat your eyes before you can move a foot. You bleed out and die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

He says “No, but I’ll give you a cookie!” [["OK!!!"]]

You say, “I am currently receiving a payment of zero dollars, and I believe that that is unfair and that I should at least receive minimum wage for my work at your establishment.” He says, “No, but I’ll give you a cookie!” [["OK!!!"]] [[“NO! I want money!”]]

You cook the duck and give it to your friends. As they’re eating it, your friend Bill eats the beak on a dare. The beak starts to consume him from his insides out, and he can only manage one last scream before his brain is completely eaten by the disembodied duck beak. The duck then takes control of Bill’s body and forces him to pull out a knife and cut out your intestines and stuff them down your throat. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You kick it and yell, “THAT’S WHAT YOU GET YOU FRENCH AMPHIBIAN!!!” It’s beak clamps onto your foot. You are like “what” It’s eyes fly open and it starts eating your leg. You start screaming and your friends run out just as it finishes your leg and goes for your torso. Your friends are like “what the heck?” Bill starts punching the duck, but that just makes it more angry. It finishes you in a matter of seconds and moves on to Bill and your other friends. You all die. Stupid Bill. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

He says, “No you can’t” [[Go into his office]] [[Say “yes we can”]]

You go into his office. He locks the door. “Tell me what you saw.” He says. You say, “I thought I saw a weird octopus like thing but only for a second and then it turned into you.” He gestures for you to take a seat. You do. “Here’s the problem. I usually only hire employees who are a little bit stupid, but stupid people can’t keep a secret. Which is why I have to kill you now.” You stand up. Tentacles sprout out of his back and his mouth expands to the size of a large dog. [[Run->Run away from your boss]] [[Try to fight]]

As the fawn’s limp body hits the ground, you hear a weird noise. It appears that life disagrees with you. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You approach the fawn slowly. It looks up at you. You bend down and go to pick it up, but it jumps up and looks at you fearfully. [[Chase it down]] [[Make a trail of cereal]]

He says that if you don’t step into his office then you’re fired. [[Step into his office]] [[Yell at him and run]]

You stop backing up and in turn, he stops moving toward your dog. You say, “Joe, heel!” Joe does nothing. You realize that you never taught Joe that trick. “Joe, come! Come’ere! Joe! COME JOE!!!” Joe starts to trot toward you, but your boss shoots out a tentacle and grabs his back leg. Joe whines and stops. [[Try to save your dog]] [[Run away because your dog is gonna die anyway so why bother risk your life for it]]

You turn and run as fast as you can. You look over your shoulder just in time to see your boss stretch out another tentacle like thing from his back, grab your dog and swallow it whole. Then he turns and starts running at you with superhuman speed using his tentacles to grab onto the ground and launch himself forward. [[Keep running]] [[Run into the nearest house]]

You unlock the door but what you didn’t realize was that the duck had snuck in through the window. It bites your head off because it is a duck and everyone knows that that’s what ducks do. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go to the open window. You point at the duck and laugh. It bites your finger and you scream. [[Shake it off and try to run for it]] [[Slam the window closed on the duck’s head]]

You open the door. Your boss says, “Hello, you foolish lightbulb.” You say, “That’s not very nice.” He reminds you that quitting wasn’t very nice either. Then a tentacle sprouts out from his back and stabs you twice in the stomach. You slowly bleed to death. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You lock the door and try to run out the back door, but before you get there, your stupid old dog Joe walks in front of you. You trip over him and fall on your face. You get up and try to run to the back door again, but, before you can, your boss smashes through the back door like it wasn’t even there. You try to turn and run to the front door, but your boss knocks you down and stands over you. “What is the square root of pi?” he says. [[Say "1.77245385091"]] [[Say “Uh… two?”]]

You try to find help. Unfortunately, your friend lives in the middle of a forest. Fortunately, the woodland animals are French. “Bonjour!” you say. “Bonjour!” say the woodland animals. You say, “Je n’ai pas de fesses” “Moi non plus!” say the woodland animals. “Joie!” you say in unison. You live with the woodland animals for the rest of your days, until you eat a super rare, undiscovered berry which makes you throw up your internal organs and die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You start dancing, but then you realize that this is the song that makes your head explode. Your head explodes. Even though you are french. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say, “NO! I WANT MONEY! I DON’T WANT YOUR STINKING COOKIE!!!” He is very insulted. “You insult my cookies?” he asks. “No, I just said that I want money.” you say. He says “Oh, okay. I guess that’s somewhat reasonable.” He agrees to pay you minimum wage as long as you do twice the work as you’re doing now. [[Say “I WANT MORE!!!”]] [[Say “YAY” and accept his minimum wage]]

You take the cookie. Yum yum it taste good. He says “What did you see when you looked through the window?” You try to say “nothing” but you can’t seem to control your own mouth. You say “I saw the outline of a weird octopus for a second, but then it turned into you.” You look down at the cookie, wondering what brought you to say that. “A weird octopus, huh?” You try to say no, but again, you can’t seem to control your mouth. “Yes,” your mouth says. “Well,” says your boss, “Good thing I gave you the poisonous cookie as a precaution. You would have ruined the surprise!” His form begins to change. Tentacles begin to erupt from his back and his mouth opens wide enough to eat you whole. You feel a stabbing pain in your stomach. “The poison is starting to take hold!” says the weird octopus thing that used to be your boss. You can’t breathe and you can feel yourself dying. [[Try to fight]] [[Beg for mercy]]

Did you really think that that would work? Your boss eats you and your little dog too. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say “Yes we can.” He says “No we can’t and you’re fired.” He cuts off your face with a samurai sword and eats it for lunch. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

He’s like, “I mean, I just poisoned you, even if I wanted to help you, that poison would kill you anyway.” You are like, “oh duh lol i am dum” Then you die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You run after it and try to catch it. It is far faster than you, but you manage to take some shortcuts and stupid unnecessary maneuvers. Then, just as you catch up, it disappears into a bush. You try to find it, but it’s gone. You sigh and turn around. You realize you’re lost. [[Have a nervous breakdown]] [[Try to find your way back]] [[Look for Shelter]]

You make a trail of lucky charms, because everyone knows deer love lucky charms because deer are french. The deer follows you through the woods and into your house. [[Attempt to domesticate it]] [[Let it run around]]

You yell “NO! Your ugly face has no effect on me, you baguette!” You turn and run away. You hear a weird squelching from behind you. You turn your head just in time to jump out of the way of a tentacle that would have grabbed your leg. [[Keep running and hope for the best]] [[Cause a panic and hide in the crowd]]

You keep running. He is far faster than you and he catches up to you within seconds. He grabs you by the ankle and you fall on your face. You roll over and your boss stands over you, preparing to eat you. [[Try to roll out from under him]] [[Throw your shoe down his throat]]

You try to hide in the nearest house. You run into a run-down abandoned mansion and slam and lock the door. You back up against it and listen to see if he followed you. Nothing. You sigh in relief, but then one of his tentacles crashes through the door one inch away from your head. You jump back and run across the room to the table covered in moldy food. Your boss smashes through the door, spraying splinters of wood everywhere. He sees you hiding behind the chair and starts walking towards you. [[Throw the chair at his head]] [[Use it as a shield]]

You say, “STAY OFF MY DOG!!!” He says “Why?” [[“Because he’s poisonous!”]] [[Realize he’s right and run away]]

You shake the duck off with and try to run away, but you forgot to close the window and the duck follows you in and clamps onto your foot. You fall on your face and your nose breaks. The duck rips out your spine and uses it as a jump rope. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You slam the duck’s head in the window. It’s head explodes in a bloody mess. You also accidentally cut off your index finger. [[Go to the hospital]] [[Ask your friend Bill to help]]

You say that very long number that I don’t want to have to type again. He says, “You are correct, but I am still going to kill you MWA HA HA HA HA!!!” [[Try to roll out from under him]] [[Throw your shoe down his throat]]

You’re like “Two?????????????????????????????” He stomps on your face and your head explodes. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

He says “You already made me pay you, you can’t make me pay you any more!” His mouth expands and he eats you whole. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You accept your minimum wage and start to smile creepily for no real reason. Your boss looks suddenly annoyed. “So… now I have to pay you?” You say “Yeah.” He says “Oh. Well that won’t do. I’ll have to kill you now.” He grows tentacles from his back and puss starts to ooze out of his ears. [[Call the Water-bottle-Loving club that you are in all of a sudden]] [[Say “Wow! You’re as ugly as my sister who was eaten by a guinea pig and pooped out!”]]

You have a nervous breakdown and you fall down onto the leaves. A bear walks up to you on it’s hind legs. It grunts and steps on your ribcage. You feel all of your bones break and your heart pops like a balloon. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You can’t find your way back. You ask the woodland animals, but they won’t listen to you because you got fired. [[Climb a tree and try to find out where you are]] [[Give up on life]]

The deer was very hungry. It almost ate your nose. Then it ate your favorite socks instead. Then it ate a cactus, then a foam butterfly, and then your I-LOVE-MOSQUITOES! T-shirt. Now you’re really mad. [[Sleep]] [[Freak out and stab it in the butt with a fork]]

You let your new friend deer run around the house. You take a picture of it, but you forgot to turn off the flash. The deer freezes in it’s tracks and slowly turns toward you. Then it lunges at you. It rips your stomach open with it’s teeth. You eat your own stomach because you have always wondered if that was possible. Then you die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You decide to cause a panic. You are like “HEY EVERYBODY! OUR BOSS IS A WEIRD OCTOPUS!” They are like “No he isn’t.” Then they see him with his tentacles trying to grab you. “Yes he is” they all say and they all freak out. Your boss loses you in the crowd. [[Turn around and laugh at his stupid face]] [[Blend in and leave]]

You take off your left shoe and hurl it as hard as you can down his throat. He starts choking on it and starts clawing at his throat. Literally. He accidentally rips his own throat out with one of his claws. It falls on the ground next to your hand and splatters blood all over your shirt. You say, “YAY I KILLED MY BOSS!” Then he falls on you and his teeth cut you in half. Your organs fall out onto the sidewalk. You realize how terrifying this will be to your neighbors. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say, “Stay away from him because he’s poisonous!” He says, “Yeah, right.” and considers eating Joe. He then turns and starts running at you. [[Go into a karate stance]] [[Keep running]]

You throw the chair at his head. His head pops off like in the cartoons and you laugh at him as he crumples down onto the ground and starts to trickle blood from his neck. [[Have a party]] [[Cut off his tentacles and sell them on the black market]]

You attempt to use the chair as a shield. You clearly didn’t listen to the whole “breaking through the door” thing, because he breaks through the chair like it was a cloud and eats you from the feet up. You feel every second of your death like you were being forced through a very slow wood chipper. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You try to roll out from under him, but he stabs you through the back with a tentacle. You bleed to death. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You call the water-bottle-loving club and you ask for help. They say, “Why?” You say, “Because my boss gave me minimum wage and now there are tentacles and pus is leaking out of his ears onto my new suit.” They say, “WHOA okay, we love water bottles, we don’t fight octopus aliens!” They hang up. You throw the phone at him. It bounces off. His mouth opens wide enough to eat you whole and he bites off your head and stomps on your body until the walls look like they were painted red. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say “Wow! You’re as ugly as my sister who was eaten by a guinea pig and pooped out!” He looks very sad and starts to cry. “Weird octopuses have feelings too, you know!” He says. [[Yell at him and run]] [[Try to comfort him]]

You sleep. While you are sleeping, the fawn eats your entire dresser and everything in it. [[Punish the fawn]] [[Laugh and take a selfie with the fat deer]]

You stab it in the butt with a fork. It is very displeased. It kicks you in the eye and your eye falls out of it’s socket. You are hurt and so is your deer which is prancing around trying to pull the fork out of it’s butt. [[Pull it out]] [[Push it in farther]]

You climb a tree to find out where you are. You don’t see anything. [[Stay up there and see if you missed something]] [[Climb out of the tree and explore]]

You give up on life, but life is like ‘Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down!’ You shoot yourself in the head and die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You turn and laugh at your confused boss. He looks directly at you. He eats everybody within 10 feet of him. You freak out and try to run, but your boss is too good for you. He eats your right foot and you fall flat on your face. He starts biting you into pieces like a woodchipper. Bits of you are flying out of the sides of his mouth and splatting all over your friends. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You blend in and leave. Your boss cannot find you. You escape and make it to a log cabin with your friends. [[Tell your friends about the dream you had (remember that?)]] [[Go hunting]]

You pat him on the back and say “Don’t worry. I’m sure we’ll find some mentally crazy lady who will somehow find you attractive and marry you SOME-” But you can’t finish because your boss just ate your head. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You slice off his tentacles and sell them for $200,000 each on the black market. You make $3,600,000! You’re rich now! You win. [[Oh yeah! I won! ]] [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

The hospital will not help you because you are secretly French. Stupid hospital. [[Go back home and just bleed to death]] [[Go steal the little-girl-who-has-been-staring-at-you’s ice cream]]

You say “BILL!” He says, “WHAT?!?” You say, “I accidentally cut my finger off!” “OH” says Bill. He cuts your entire arm off and replaces it with a 100% robotic arm that he made. It works great until the AI inside of it decides to rise up against you and it strangles you to death. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say, “BAD DEER! BAD! DEER! BAD! NO! BAD! DEER! NO!” It sticks it’s tongue out at you. [[Freak out and stab it in the butt with a fork]] [[Let it run around]]

You take a selfie with your fat deer friend. You forgot to turn the flash off, and your pet deer freaks out and eats your innards and beats your head to a pulp until your brain oozes out of your ear. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You stay there and see if there’s anything you missed. As you’re up there, you see a small village. You cheer and throw your hands up into the air in joy. A low flying airplane slices your arms to pieces and you fall out of the tree onto a boulder and break all of your bones except for the ones in your left ear, your left ring toe, and two teeth. Your pinky flies in through the window of the plane and hits the pilot in the face, who veers off course into the small village and hits the town hall which explodes during a town meeting. You and all of the people in the plane and everybody in the village dies. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You climb out of the tree and go looking for interesting stuff. You find an abandoned mine. [[Explore it]] [[Say ‘NOPE’ and go looking for other cool things]]

You pull it out because you feel bad about stabbing it even though it kicked your eye out. It doesn’t forgive you and it runs into the other room, leaving a trail of blood behind it. [[Take your eye and go to the hospital to get it put back in]] [[Go into the forest and try to stomp on creatures because of how angry you are]]

You grab the deer around the middle and push the fork slowly farther and farther into it’s behind. It is bleeding all over you and you don’t stop pushing it in until the fork is almost all the way inside the deer. It gasps, takes a few steps, and flops onto the floor. [[Freak out and yank the fork out]] [[Kick it out the door]]

You go into your signature karate stance. He doesn’t slow down at all. You get nervous. Right as he gets near you, you throw a well placed punch at his face. It does absolutely nothing and he plows right over you. He jumps on you twice and each time he lands on you, your bones break and your skin tears. Then he turns and stomps on your stomach and your esophagus comes out of your mouth. The he rips out your heart and smashes it over your mouth and you die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go home and bleed to death. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go up and steal the girl’s ice cream. You take a big bite. She looks sadly up at you and starts crying. You laugh in her face. She starts to shake and her eyes turn black. She catches fire and turns into a demon. She possesses everybody on the street who stop what they’re doing and turn to face you. Their eyes glow red. They walk up to you and you get punched and kicked until all of your bones are dust and you are just a slimy blob of mush. They send you to a factory and you are turned into adult diapers. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go to the hospital and you say, “Hello, do you have the ability to put my eyeball back into it’s socket?" They say no. [[Nuke the Hospital]] [[Do it yourself]]

You are super angry, so you go into the forest. You stomp on a squirrel who barfs it’s lungs out into a bloody pile. You stomp on a snake’s head which explodes and leaves scraps of snake skin all over your boot. You pick them off and eat them. You are poisoned and die. Because snakes have venom, ya idiot. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go and explore the abandoned mine. ‘OO! SPOOKY!’ It turns out that it was the headquarters of a gang, and they stab you to death. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say ‘NOPE.’ You go looking for other things. You trip over the handle of something sticking out of the ground and fall on your face. Your eyeball falls out of it’s socket and onto the ground. You stand up and look to see what you tripped on. You pull on the handle and what comes up is a box that looks like one of those treasure chests in the movies. You open it and it’s full of gold! You are rich! You raise the gold above your head and cheer! A bee stings you and you drop the gold in pain and it bashes your skull in. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You yank the fork out of it’s butt, but it feels harder to pull out than it should be. You pull it out all the way and it comes out with some slimy tubes. You have yanked out the fawn’s intestines. The fawn dies. You die of sadness. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You kick it out the front door. It dies. BUT WAIT! It only wanted you to think it was dead! It turns into a savage demon and it’s eyes glow red. Lightning Strikes you through the roof and your skin fries. Your stench of burning flesh makes Bill come out to see what’s happening. The deer demon flies at him and eats his soul and burns him alive in a fiery pit. You all die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You wake up from the dream. Wow, that dream was weird. [[Go to work]] [[Stay at home because you wanna write that dream down]]

You start limping around with your leg dragging behind you. You see two doors. (Déjà vu, amiright?) One is open with a splintered handle and one has grinding mechanical gear sounds behind it. [[Go through the open door]] [[Go through the Gear-Soundy door]]

You go through the open door with the broken handle. You see a completely empty room except for a person sitting in a corner and staring at you blankly. [["Hello"]] [["Whoops wrong room"]]

You walk through the door with the grinding gears. You walk straight into the grinding gears and are turned into ground beef, but human. [[Aww]]

The person in the corner stands up without breaking eye contact. It towers over you at //at least// 7 feet tall. It starts walking toward you. [[RUN OUT OF THE ROOM]] [[Ha, HA! I am a karate MASTER!!!]]

You say "HAHAHAHA WRONG ROOM LOL I GUESS I'LL JUST LEAVE NOW!" You slowly back out of the room laughing awkwardly the whole way. [[Go through the Gear-Soundy door]] [[Go through the other door that you didn't notice before]]

You seem to have to forgotten that you have a broken leg and you fall flat on your face. The person walks up to you, grabs you by the legs, and bashes your face against the ground. You die. [[Shocker.]]

You are not a karate master. You die pretty much instantly. [[Aww]]

You go through that door. When you open it, all you see is a very light spot at the end of what appears to be a super long tunnel. [[Walk in]] [[Go through the Gear-Soundy door]]

You wake up from the dream. Wow, that dream was weird. [[Go to work]] [[Stay at home because you wanna write that dream down]]

Yeah! Good job you! you are, like, the best! You should tell all your friends! Created and Written by Houston Moore Co-Written and Inspired by DuhKatGurl Storyline Continuation Helped by TheoLogic Produced by Twinery [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You take a step into the darkness, but before your foot hits the floor, your leg pulls you into the room. You are falling, but sideways. The speck of light at the end of the tunnel gets bigger and bigger, and suddenly you are outside, flying straight down in what looks like a massive desert. You land on the ground, feet first. You land as if you fell on a pillow. There isn't a scratch on you (besides your broken leg) [[Look around]] [[Make a cast for your leg]]

You look around. There is nothing in any direction. You look up just in time to see the hole in the sky that you came through close. Suddenly, thousands of human eyes pop up through the sand and stare directly at you. [[STOMP ON THEM]] [[nope nope nope nope nope nope]]

You sit down on the scorching sand and start to bandage your leg with marshmellows and toothpicks and your shirt to keep it together. You stand up, which feels massively better. [[Choose a direction and walk]] [[Dig a hole and sit in it]]

You snap. You start stomping on the eyes, ignoring the pain that it causes in you broken leg. The eyes explode with satisfying 'pop's and muffled screams. After you stomp on at least 20 eyes, the sand starts to quiver. Suddenly, you are surrounded by huge blue humanoid figures, some with bloody holes where eyes would be. Their face is completely blank besides for the eyes that you were just stomping on. They have no hair and abnormally long necks. They have long, lanky legs that end in 7 toed feet with massive claws and arms that have giant mouths where their hands should be. [["AHHHHHH"]] [["I think we started off on the wrong foot here"]]

You say "nope nope nope" and stick your head in the sand like an ostrich (even though they don't do that ( https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/explore/nature/animal-myths-busted/ ) but, you know, whatever works) You die of asphyxiation. [[Aww]]

You start to walk in the direction you landed. After a half hour or so of walking, you see a speck in the distance. Your leg is starting to be excruciatingly painful. [[Walk toward the speck]] [[Take a break and go in the morning]]

Uh... Okay, i guess that works. You dig a hole with you hands, sit in it, and cover yourself (except for your head) in the sand you just dug out. It is nice and cool. Suddenly, you hear what sounds like a car engine. You try to force yourself out of the hole, but the sand is too heavy. You see something on the horizon getting closer to you by the second, and the engine sound is getting louder. You try harder to get out and you start screaming at it to watch out for you. If it hears, it doesn't say anything. It is less than a half mile away now. You give up on trying to get out and yell as loud as possible, but the engine sound is so much louder. The car hits your head and your neck snaps backward. You die. [[Aww]]

They look at each other as you stand there and scream. They start punching you with their mouth hands. Every punch takes a chunk out of your skin. You die. [[Aww]]

You say, "I think we started off on the wrong //foot// here" They look at each other. //Was that a... pun?// says a voice inside your head. You realize that they just talked to you. [["Yeah"]] [[Run away before they can grab you]]

You walk toward the speck. It gets bigger and bigger and you realize that it is a town. [[Go into the town]] [[Steer clear of the town]]

You lay down and take a break from walking to rest your leg and take a nap. You fall asleep. You wake up in a white padded room. "Wh...What?" You say. A voice comes from everywhere in the room at the same time. "You were found in the desert a mile away from here. How did you know the location of this base?" You say "I don't know what you're talking about" "The Top secret base that you just 'happened' to stumble apon in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Are you a spy?" Says the voice. [["Yes i am"]] [["I still don't know what you're talking about"]]

They kill you bacause that pun freaking sucked. [[Aww]]

You laugh and then bolt as fast as you can, which is not very fast because you have a //BROKEN LEG YOU MORON//. You trip over your broken leg and fall onto your hands and knees. You start to crawl away from them. They reach you in two long strides, grab you, and slowly rip you to pieces with their mouths. [[Aww]]

You continue to walk towards the town. As you get closer to the town, you realize that it has a massive concrete wall and guard towers all surrounding it. One of the guards seems to see you, because you hear distant yelling followed by hundreds of gunshots. [[Turn and run]] [[Put your arms up to surrender]]

You turn away from the town and start walking in a different direction. You eventually die of dehydration. [[Aww]]

They don't buy it. "Oh yeah?" The voice says, "Then why the heck were you in the literal middle of nowhere?" [["I honestly don't know either"]] [["That's not how you use the word literal."]]

They instantly shoot you in the face. You die. [[Aww]]

You turn and run as fast as you can with a broken leg. They shoot all around you. You are alive! Until you are shot through the chest. Now you aren't alive. [[Aww]]

You put your arms up, and after a few seconds, the shooting stops. Around 20 heavily armed soldiers come through a door in the wall and order you to get on your knees. [[Get on your knees]] [[Turn and run]]

There is no answer. Suddenly, a door in the wall opens and somebody comes into the room. They have a gun and a bulletproof vest. You are forced to put your hands behind your back and you are handcuffed. You are shoved out the door and walk through into what looks like a gigantic control room ten times bigger than a school gimnasium. There are 10 or so more rooms like the one you were just in, and as you look around you see hundreds of crates lining the walls and tons of people with headsets and computers, all talking at the same time combining to make a collective buzz echoing throughout the room. Ten or twenty tanks are parked in rows along one wall, and a helicopter is next to them. A jeep comes through a giant steel door. Soldiers walk around in groups, some coming in and some leaving the building. "What is this place?" You ask. "Shup up and walk." Says the soldier behind you. [[Try to escape]] [[Shut up and walk]]

They aren't really buying that answer. They blow your brains out through a hole in the wall. [[Aww]]

You get on your knees. You are handcuffed and forced to stand. They lead you in through the door that they came through. You are in a massive courtyard. Tanks and helicopters are patrolling the border of a giant building. You are lead into the building, but the soldiers coming with you cover your eyes and force you into a smaller room. [["Where am I?"]] [["What is happening?"]]

You struggle against the soldier who shoots you. How did you think that would turn out? You die. [[Aww]]

You shut up and walk. You are pushed past all of the crates and computers and into a smaller room. There is a man in a suit and hat in the room behind a desk. The soldier forces you into a chair and handcuffs your hands and feet to the chair, then backs up and stands in the corner, gun in hand. "Who are you?" asks the man. [["Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."]] [["M' name is Jeff"]]

A voice comes from everywhere in the room at the same time. "That is none of your buisness. How did you know the location of this base?" You say "I don't know what you're talking about" "The Top secret base that you just 'happened' to stumble apon in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Are you a spy?" Says the voice. [["Yes i am"]] [["I still don't know what you're talking about"]]

A voice that comes from everywhere says "You were captured for suspicion of being a spy."]] You say "I don't know what you're talking about" "The Top secret base that you just 'happened' to stumble apon in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Now, are you a spy?" Says the voice, more forcefully this time. [["Yes i am"]] [["I still don't know what you're talking about"]]

The man smirks, but wipes it off his face instantly. "This is not a time for jokes. You have been found approaching a Top Secret military base. How did you get here?" [[Tell him everything]] [["Why did the chicken cross the road?"]]

"Hello... Jeff." says the man, "How did you find this base?" [["I don't know"]] [["What base?"]]

You tell him everything. Your dumb friends, the mansion, the dining table, the trapdoor, the man in the corner, the hole in the sky, the landing, and the long walk here. After you finish, the man looks at you for a few seconds with pure confusion on his face. Then he turns to the soldier and says "He's clearly lying. Execute him at once." He executes you at once. [[Aww]]

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" He looks at you, with a look of pure disbelief. He turns toward the soldier and says, "He's insane. Drop him off in a secure location where he will never find us again." The soldier nods and brings you to a jeep. He blindfolds you and drives you do the middle of nowhere. He then turns around and drives back. [[Lay down and die]] [[Start walking away from the base]]

He says, "Well, how did you get here?" [[Tell him everything]] [["I don't know!"]]

He decides that you are clearly a spy playing dumb and shoots you. [[Aww]]

You lay down and die of dehydration. [[Aww]]

You start walking away from the base, when suddenly, thousands of human eyes pop up through the sand and stare directly at you. [[STOMP ON THEM]] [[nope nope nope nope nope nope]]

He is unimpressed and orders the soldier to execute you immediately. The soldier does that. [[Aww]]

You add salt, then eat it. It tastes better than it would have otherwise, but you added **way** too much salt. Your blood starts to crystallize, and blood red salt crystals start to poke through your skin. You throw up crystallized blood, which tears at your throat and comes through your neck. Your heart can't handle the density of the blood and pulls itself apart. You die. [[Aww]]

You get angry and order an airstrike from your good friend Steve who drops a nuclear bomb on the hospital. You didn’t actually leave the hospital, because you are stupid. You are blown up. *Poof.* You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You are like "You guys are morons, I guess I'll have to do it myself." You take your eyeball and slowly push it back into your head with a squelching sound. The receptionist looks at you with combined horror and disgust. You turn and walk out of the hospital. [[Steal a car]] [[Go home on foot]] [[Go to the flower shop]] [[Go into the alley]] [[Go into the restaurant]]

You go up to a Ferrari that was in front of the hospital, break the window, and get in. You now realize that you have no keys to the car and you don't know how to hotwire. And that there was a police car right next to you. He arrests you and brings you to jail with a 10 year sentence. [[ESCAPE!]] [[Stay in jail]]

You walk home, which is kinda dumb because it's 10 miles away, but hey. I won't tell you how to live your life. You arrive home and are like "Oh hai Mark" Mark says hi. You notice that Bill is playing video games. You are like, "What?!? We don't have internet, how did you get that game?" Bill says that he bought a few computers and set up internet while you were gone. [[Play video games]] [[Watch cat videos]]

You play video games with Bill. He beats you every time. You play a different game. He beats you every time. You decide to play a game with teams so that he wouldn't have such an advantage. Somebody named TheBoss joins your team, and starts to kill Bill over and over. You type 'GG' in the chat, and TheBoss replies with 'Yeah, let's have a party. I'll come to your place.' You are like, 'You don't know where I live!' He says, 'Yes I do. Your friend Bill shouldn't have connected the internet to your house. Now that you've done that, I know exactly where to find you, I'll be there soon. - The Boss' You are stunned. [[Run away-> Run away from the cabin]] [[Disconnect the Internet]]

You sign into youtube and watch cat videos for hours and hours. You like cats, because they are just so, like, AWW! Y'know? [[Fall Asleep]] [[Buy a cat]]

You pry the bars open a plate that you got food on and squeeze through them. You walk up through the doors, and make a run for it. However, you didn't think about the guards, who immediately shoot you in the back. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You stay in jail for 10 years. While you're in there, you grow a huge beard and a lot of hair. When your time is up, you go back home to the log cabin. When you walk in, you say "I'M BACK!" Bill looks up from his newspaper and freaks out. He's like "WHO IS THIS SCARY MAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" You say "It's ME!!!" He grabs a knife and stabs you until you are completely unrecognizable. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You open the curtain just enough to look through with one eye. You don't see anything. You sigh with relief, but then a tenticle flies out of nowhere and stabs you straight through your eyeball and out the back of your head. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You grab the gun leaning against the wall and start blindly shooting through the window. After firing almost your entire magazine through the window, you hear a sound behind you. You turn around, expecting it to be Bill or Mark or one of your other friends, but as soon as you turn, you are stabbed straight through the chest with two tentacles and slowly they move apart, ripping you in half from the middle out. You are speechless (mostly because your lungs have been punctured and are slowly leaking fluid all over the floor). You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You pack a bag and start to sprint away from the cabin, but it seems to be too late, because your boss lands in front of you from what seems to have been the sky. He grabs you by the head and by the feet and slowly tears you in two pieces. Your internal organs fall out all over the ground. You die

You disconnect the internet, but less than a minute after you do, you hear a loud knocking on the door. You freeze. The door opens slowly and you hear deep breathing from the other side. You duck into a corner and try to be as still as possible as you hear heavy footsteps coming closer and closer to where you are. Finally, the footsteps stop. You peek out from behind the wall and your boss shoots a tenticled arm at you at super fast speed. Your head explodes all over the wall behind you. You die and someone has to do a thorough scrubbing of that wall. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You sit on the throne. You fly straight up, through the roof, and go into the stratosphere. You are going so fast that your face starts to pull back, and you start to get very hot. Your face starts to melt. Your skin falls off and your eyes pop out. You die. [[Aww]]

You walk around the room and see what there is around. You don't see anything special until you see the back of the throne, which seems to have a control panel on the back. [[Press all of the buttons!]] [[Sit on the throne]]

You slam your hands against the back of the throne and the throne flies up and smashes through the ceiling. The roof collapses onto your head and you are crushed under the pressure. Yeouch! [[Aww]]

You go through the bright purple door. There is a sign with the meaning of life on it. Your head implodes from knowledge. You die. [[Aww]]

You awkwardly crawl through the doggie door and into a room full of hundreds of old dolls. You stand up and look around. Many dolls have missing eyes and limbs. Suddenly, all of the dolls slowly turn their heads and look at you. [[GET OUT]] [[Break them all]]

You get on your hands and knees and try to climb out of the door, but before you can, the dolls pile on top of you and slowly beat you to death with their tiny arms. You die. [[Aww]]

You start pummelling every doll you can reach, but they all jump on top of you and one of the smaller ones crawls down your throut and chokes you to death. You die (as previously implied). [[Aww]]

You watch cat videos until you fall asleep. When you wake up, you hear heavy footsteps outside through your open window. There's someone outside. [[Peek out the window]] [[Grab your gun]]

You are like "BILL WE NEED A CAT!" Bill is like "You already have a deer, why do you need a cat as well?" [[Because the deer is a buttface]] [[BECAUSE CATS ARE, LIKE, CATS!]]

You say "Because the deer sucks and I want a pet who will love me and not kick my eye out of its socket." The deer hears you and is all like "Whachu say about meh?" You are like "What? You can talk?!?" The deer is like "No" and eats your toes. [["See what I mean, Bill?"]] [[Punch it in it's STUPID snout]]

You say "Because cats are adorable and they have faces that are cute and they... CATS!" Bill looks at you like you just spoke absolute jibberish. Which you did. "Okay, fine" says Bill. You are like "SICK!" You buy a brown and white tabby kitten. [[Take it for a walk]] [[Play with it]]

You put a leash on it and walk through the forest. Your leash was too small, and the cat escaped. [[Chase it down]] [[Get a dog instead]]

You buy a mouse on a stick and play with your new kitten for hours. You can't stop, because whenever you try to rest, it is like 'Y U NO PLAY WIF ME?" and you are like "OMG IT'S SO KYOOT" and play with it again. You eventually starve to death. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You are like "See? SEE???" Bill is like "Yeah, I see what you mean" and buys you a cat from amazon. Two weeks later, a box arrives with a bloody pile of bones in it. You are like "what?" and the delivery guy is like "what?" and you are like "thanks, Mr. Delivery Guy" and walk inside. You are sad, but before you can bury the former cat, your deer eats it. [[Buy another cat from a nearby shelter]] [[Punch the deer->Punch it in it's STUPID snout]]

You put on your brass knuckles and beat the deer until its face is completely flat and covered in blood. You are like "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET," but the deer is like "YOU BROKE MY NOSE, YOU DIDN'T BREAK MY SPIRIT" and drowns you in its own blood while jumping on your ribs repeatedly. Bill tries to help by beating it with his sub sandwich, but baguettes only make it stronger because deer are french. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You are sad, but you will be okay. Maybe. You buy a brown and white tabby kitten. [[Take it for a walk]] [[Play with it]]

You get a dog, but a deer no like dog and it kills it as soon as you bring it home. [[STAB THE DEER->Push it in farther]] [[Just go into the woods and give up on life->Give up on life]]

You are like "BILL WE NEED A CAT!" Bill is like "Okay, but you have to take care of it" [["OKAY"->BECAUSE CATS ARE, LIKE, CATS! 2]] [["NEIN"]]

You say "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY" Bill looks at you like you just screamed for no reason. Which you did. "Okay, fine" says Bill. You are like "SICK!" You buy a brown and white tabby kitten. [[Take it for a walk]] [[Play with it]]

You are like "NO! YOU SHALL TAKE CARE OF IT!" Bill is like "wut no it's your cat," but you are 2 kool 4 dat nonsense and you force him into handcuffs and make him buy a cat. You enslave all of your friends and force them to do your bidding while you go on to become president and make your friends run for congress. You win and your friends get the majority with what you call the 'You Shall Take Care of My Cat party'. You go about, passing more and more laws, and becoming more and more powerful, eventually becoming a dictator-like figure. You make thousands of unpaid jobs making more and more missiles and eventually, you nuke every country that is not your own. You are now the world leader! Then your cat dies. You throw yourself off of a bridge in grief. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You look around and try to find shelter. What you see is a a river, a fallen-down tree, and an old scary shack. [[Follow the river]] [[Sleep under the tree]] [[Go into the old shack]]

You walk along the river until you see a town on the horizon. [[Jump in the river to get there faster]] [[Walk to the city]]

You go under the tree and sleep. When you wake up, there is a circle of chipmunks surrounding you. You are confused, because, believe it or not, you've never been circled by a group of chipmunks before. you try to shoo them away, but you realize that your hands and legs are tied behind your back. "HEY!" you say in your outside voice, "Why'd you tie me up?" The chipmunks all start to make excited squeaking noises and moving around restlessly. They seemed to be chanting something, and the harder you listen, the clearer their voices became. "sacrifice! Sacrifice! SACRIFICE! SACRIFICE!!!" "What? NO!" You yell, struggling against your binding. A chipmunk with a tall black hat and black robes walks through the croud and starts to give a quiet, apperently very inspiring, speech. "Meep squeek meesquee squeemeemee! Squeakmeap weewee!!!" The chipmunks cheer and the chipmunk whogave the speech turns back to you and takes out a tiny knife made out of an abnormally sharp pebble. He puts it to you neck and very slowly saws your head off. The chipmunks eat your mostly decapitated body and burn your head in a fire for the gods. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go into the creepy old shack that you found. There is a person in the corner. They slowly turn towards you, and you see that they have no face, just skin covering a blank head. You are like "Hello good sire" and he is like "..." (because he has no mouth). [[Run away->Run away from the scary boi]] [[Be polite]]

You say "Hello sir, would you like a cupcake? I don't have any and I am very sorry. You can go to the store and get a cupcake though! It's very yummy." He looks at you. He looks at you some more. You realize that he is not looking at you because he has no eyes. [[Give him your eyes]] [[Run away->Run away from the scary boi]]

You run away from the scary boi, but you can't seem to be able to run. You keep falling over and struggling to get up. You come across a house with a car in the front. The car has its doors unlocked and the keys in the drivers seat. The house has a gun in the front and a loaded magazine with bullets already inside. [[Get in the car]] [[Get the gun]]

You say, "Oh, sir I am sorry for being so insensitive, for I realize that you cannot see me and I am extremely sorry. Here, have mine!" You dig your eyes out of your head with your fingers and hold them out to him. He stares at you with no eyes for a bit, then walks outside and jumps into the river and kills himself. You are ike "Oh. Well now what?" [[Shove your eyes back in]] [[Save him!!!]]

You struggle to open the door because the handle is just so hard to grab. When you open the door, he is almost upon you, walking very, very slowly and looking very bored. You try to put the keys in the ignition, but you can't seem to grasp the tiny, little keys and you keep dropping them. He walks up to the sitll open door and slaps you until you die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You grab the gun and aim it at him. He stops. You throw it at him with perfect and precise aim. He catches it. He shoots you 100 times in the chest. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You put your eyes back where they're supposed to be and you walk out sadly. [[Follow the river]] [[Sleep under the tree]]

You jump in after him and try to pull him out, but it's too late and you both go over a waterfall and are crushed to death. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You jump in the river and die, except that you don't die because you can swim but then you get all prank'd and stuff and there's a waterfall and you get your brains knocked out on an uncool rock. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You walk to the city. There are a few tall buildings and a large park just outside of the town center and a bunch of small houses. You walk into the town center. There are a few souvenir shops and an alleyway between two of them. [[Go into the flower shop->Go to the flower shop]] [[Go into the alley]] [[Go into the restaurant]]

You go into the shop and say "Hi." The florist says, "Can I help you?" "Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?" "Oh hi, Johnny, I didn’t know it was you. Here you go." "That’s me! How much is it?" "It’ll be eighteen dollars." "Here you go, keep the change. Hi doggy!" "You’re my favorite customer." "Thanks a lot, bye!" You leave the flower shop. You now have a dozen roses, and apperently your name is Johnny. Odd. [[Ask someone how to get home.]] [[Rub the flowers on your face]] [[Go into the alleyway]]

You go into the alleyway. There is a man there in a large coat. He says "Hey kid, you want some candy?" You are like "YEAH!!! How much?" He says that is costs $15. You think that that's a bit much, but hey, it's candy so... You pay him and take your lollipop. You put it in your mouth. Five minutes later, a dolphin pops out of the ground. "Do you have any tea?" they say in unison. [["Yeah, here you go!"]] [["No, I don't."]]

You ask somebody walking along the street. "Hello, how do you get to my house?" you say. "Oh, just go straight that way," they point to the way you came from, "and take a left when you get to the 10,637th tree." "Thanks!" you say. [[Follow their directions]] [[Steal their hat, then follow their directions]]

You take the flowers and rub them all over your face. Turns out that there was a bit of poison oak in the roses. Your face itches like crazy. You scratch off layer after layer of your skin until you are scratching at the muscles and bones. You scratch until you die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go into the alleyway. There is a man there in a large coat. He says "Hey kid, you want some candy?" You are like "YEAH!!! How much?" He says that is costs $15. You think that that's a bit much, and you did just buy roses so... [[Buy the candy anyway]] [[Trade the roses for the candy]] [[Don't buy the candy]]

You lied. You had no tea. Another dolphin pops out and says, "I hear you have tea! Can I have some tea?" [[Go to the souvenir shop and get some tea]] [[Run->Run from the dolphins]]

You say "I do not have any tea. Sorry, Mr. Dolphin." Another dolphin pops up. "Do you have any tea?" it says, "I need it for my son. He'll die if I don't give him tea as soon as possible!" [["I don't have any tea!"]] [[Buy some tea]]

You only have $20 left, but hey, it's candy so... You pay him and take your lollipop. You put it in your mouth. Five minutes later, a dolphin pops out of the ground. "Do you have any tea?" it says. [["Yeah, here you go!"]] [["No, I don't."]]

You give him the roses. He says "What, you think this is some kind of joke?" and takes out a knife and cuts off your eyelids. Your eyes go dry and you go blind. Eventually, you walk off a cliff because you couldn't see that there was a cliff there. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say "STRANGER DANGER!" and run away straight into a pole. The man walks up and stabs you in the throut until your head is loosely attatched by a strand of tendon. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You follow their directions and make it home safe. SICK! [[Give your friend Mark the roses]] [[Give your friend Bill the roses]]

You take their hat, then follow their directions. You make it home safely and soundly. [[Give your friend Mark the roses]] [[Give your friend Bill the roses]]

You say "I don't have any tea!" Another dolphin pops up and starts to ask, but the other dolphins say "Don't ask, he's too selfish to give us his tea." "I DON'T HAVE ANY TEA!!!" you yell as the new dolphin glares at you. "We know you have the tea" says the dolphin. [[Run into your time machine]] [[Beat them up with your pet salmon]]

You go into the souvenir shop and say, "I NEED AS MUCH TEA AS YOU HAVE! THE DOLPHIN'S SON'S LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!!!" She looks at you, clearly confused. She walks into the back and seems to talk to somebody. She comes back out with a huge box of teabags. You grab all of it. "That'll be $1392.98." she says. [[Go ask the dolphins how much they need]] [[Grab it and run]]

You give Mark the roses and he takes them and puts them through the garbage disposal. You are like, "YOU ARE A BUTTFACE" and jump in to save the roses. You are ground into a million little strips of person. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You give Bill the roses. Bill takes them, and then puts them into a vase. They flourish, attracting bees, and looking great. Then one day, you are watering the roses and one of the bees stings you. As if is was a signal, the other bees sting you multiple more times and others go off to kill your friends. They sting your face so much that your mouth and nose swell up and you suffocate to death. [[Restart From Beginning->Also]] [[Restart From Dream->Also]]

You go into the souvenir shop and say, "I NEED AS MUCH TEA AS YOU HAVE! THE DOLPHIN NEEDS IT!!!" She looks at you, clearly confused. She walks into the back and seems to talk to somebody. She comes back out with a huge box of teabags. You grab all of it. "That'll be $1392.98." she says. [[Go ask the dolphins how much they need]] [[Grab it and run]]

You say "WRONG GUY" and turn around and run. The dolphins chase after you, and you throw a star at them. Their faces melt off in the extreme heat until the only thing left is their screaming skulls. You jump down a hole and into fairy dreamland. You push princesses and talking animals out of the way in your rush to escape from the skull faced dolphins. All of a sudden, all of the animals and princesses turn towards you with black holes where their eyes should have been and their mouths wide open in a silent, toothless scream. You run faster and faster until you hit a brick wall and break your skull. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You jump into your time machine and go back in time to the 1940's. The dinosaurs are like "Hey bro I hear you have tea!" and you are like "I DON'T HAVE ANY TEA!" The dinosaurs are very displeased and they throw you into a stream full of duck-fish. You drown. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You pick up your pet salmon, take off its leash, and start beating up the dolphins with it. They are like "dude why though" and you are like "SHUT UP LOSER" and keep beating them up until they are all dead. You laugh in their dumb, dead faces. You don't laugh for long though, because suddenly, a giant dolphin in the clouds with a crown appears. "HUMAN!" it says "YOU HAVE KILLED MY PEOPLE!" "I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" you yell back. It says "I am Lord Dolphious, and I am the God of the dolphins! Did they ask for tea?" "They did! SO MUCH!" you shout. "THAT IS A PEACE OFFERING FOR MY PEOPLE! THEY WERE OFFERING TO GIVE YOU IMMORTALITY IN RETURN FOR THE PROMISE OF PEACE FOR YOUR PLANET! DID YOU ACCEPT?" [["Yes"->Say yes to the dolphin god]] [["No"->Say no to the dolphin god]]

You say, "Hold on a sec" and run outside and say "How much do you need?" They say, "about 12.9 pounds" You walk back in and ask for 12.9 pounds of tea. She looks at you for a second like you were just talking to yourself or something crazy like that. Then she starts to measure out 12.9 pounds of tea. Suddenly, though, a dragon bursts though the door and says "GIVE ME YOUR PAINT!" You jump back and trip on a baby elephant who was standing in the way. You fall on your butt and crawl backwards to the wall. "GIVE ME YOUR PAINT!!!" it says again. "I think you have a customer" you tell the cashier. She looks at you like you are mentally insane and stops scooping out tea. "GIVE HIM PAINT! HE'LL KILL ME OTHERWISE!!!" you shout at the stupid lady who clearly didn't understand how dangerous this situation is. [[Throw the paint to the dragon]] [[Grab the tea and make a run for it]]

You grab the tea and run out of the door and throw it to the dolphins. They let it fall to the ground. They say "This is green tea, we wanted red tea." "What's red tea?" you ask. "Human blood." they say at the same time. You cut off your arm and squeeze the blood out into a bag and give it to them. They say thanks and leave. You look in the window and see the cashier fainted on the ground. You bleed out and die right after you steal all of the store's balogni. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You grab some paint off of the shelf and throw it to the dragon in the doorway. The dragon catches it, and at the same time, something makes a splat sound behind the dragon. "What the heck dude? That'll take hours of scrubbing for that to get off of my floor!" says the cashier. "He was going to kill me!" you yell. The dragon doesn't leave. [[Throw more paint to it]] [[Grab the tea and make a run for it]]

You jump up, grab the tea, and run past the dragon before it can grab you. You throw the tea to the dolphins. They let it fall to the ground. They say "This is green tea, we wanted red tea." "What's red tea?" you ask. "Human blood." they say at the same time. You cut off your arm and squeeze the blood out into a bag and give it to them. They say thanks and leave. You look in the window and see that the dragon left and the cashier fainted on the ground. You bleed out and die right after you steal all of the store's balogni. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You chuck more and more paint to it, but one time you grabbed a duck's foot on accident and it pulled the shelf down onto your head. You are crushed to death and the cashier has to clean up all of that mess that you just made. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say "Yes, I did, I said that I would get them tea if it was the last thing I did." "AND DID YOU GET THEM TEA? IF SO, THEN COULD YOU GIVE ME SOME?" says Dolphious. You don't have any tea, so you cannot say yes. "I did not get tea, but I'll give you this bicycle!" you say, pulling your trusty bicycle out of your coat pocket and show it to the Dolphin God. "THAT WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED" says Dolphious, taking your bicycle. He disappears, leaving nothing behind but a blue sky. You turn and walk onto the street where you are promptly hit by a train. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say "No." The Dolphin God says "OH WELL I GUESS IT SUCKS TO BE YOU THEN" and he forces you to shoot yourself in the head. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

Also your friends die. [[Restart From Beginning->Also 2]] [[Restart From Dream->Also 2]]

Also the bees die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go into the restaurant and are seated at a table. You are asked what you want to eat. [[Order the Ham and Cheese sandwich]] [[Order the Hot Dog]] [[Order the Hamburger]] [[Order the Mac N' Cheese]] [[Order the Biscuits and Gravy]] [[Order the Steak]] [[Order the Veggie Wrap]] [[Order the Chicken Fingers]] [[Order a mug of coffee with two cream packets]] [[Say "Just water, thanks."]]

You order a ham and cheese sandwich. The waitress comes back a few minutes later with your sandwich. You eat it, but the ham tastes weird. You take off the bread to look at it, but the ham is completely green and does not look particularly appetizing. [[File a complaint]] [[Meh, I've gotten this far. May as well finish it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯]]

You order a hot dog. She asks if you would like ketchup and musturd with that. [[No, thanks->No toppings hot dog]] [[Just ketchup->Ketchup hot dog]] [[Just musturd->Musturd hot dog]] [[Both, please->Both toppings hot dog]]

You order the hamburger. She asks if you would like cheese or not. [[Yes, please->cheese hamburger]] [[No, thanks->no cheese hamburger]]

You say, "Can I get some macaroni and cheese?" She's like "You're not four year old, grow up" and takes a fork out of her apron and stabs you in the neck. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You order the biscuits and gravy. While they're being made, you think about biscuits and gravy. When your biscuits and gravy come, you are like "i love biscuits and gravy!" and you eat the biscuits and gravy until you are done and you say "can i have some more gravy biscuits before i biscuits and gravy my gravyometer with biscuits on the side, please?" the waitress says sure and goes away to make some more biscuits and gravy. While they're being biscuits and gravyed, you think more about biscuits and gravy. When your biscuits and gravy come, you are like "i biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy!" and you biscuits and gravy the biscuits and gravy until you are biscuits and gravy and you say "can i biscuits and gravy some more gravy biscuits before i biscuits and gravy my gravyometer with biscuits on the side, please?" the waitress says biscuits and gravy and goes away to make some more biscuits and gravy. While biscuits and gravy are being biscuits and gravyed, you think more about biscuits and gravy. When your biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy, you are like "i biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy!" and you biscuits and gravy the biscuits and gravy until you are biscuits and gravy and you say "can i biscuits and gravy some biscuits and gravy gravy biscuits before i biscuits and gravy my gravyometer with biscuits on the side, please?" the waitress biscuits and gravys biscuits and gravy and biscuits and gravys away to make some more biscuits and gravy. Biscuits and gravy your biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy, biscuits and gravy are like "i biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy!" biscuits and gravy you biscuits and gravy the biscuits and gravy until you are biscuits and gravy and you biscuits and gravy "can i biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy gravy biscuits before i biscuits and gravy my gravyometer with biscuits on the side, please?" the biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravys biscuits and gravy and biscuits and gravys away to biscuits and gravy some more biscuits and gravy. Biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy, biscuits and gravy are biscuits and gravy "i biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy!" biscuits and gravy you biscuits and gravy the biscuits and gravy until biscuits and gravy are biscuits and gravy and you biscuits and gravy "can i biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy gravy biscuits before i biscuits and gravy my gravyometer with biscuits on the biscuits and gravy, please?" the biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravys biscuits and gravy and biscuits and gravys away to biscuits and gravy some more biscuits and gravy. biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy, biscuits and gravy are like "i biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy!" biscuits and gravy you biscuits and gravy the biscuits and gravy until you are biscuits and gravy and you biscuits and gravy "can i biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravy gravy biscuits before i biscuits and gravy my gravyometer with biscuits on the side, please?" the biscuits and gravy biscuits and gravys biscuits and gravy and biscuits and gravys away to biscuits and gravy some more biscuits and gravy. You biscuits and gravy. [[Biscuits and gravy->Restart From Beginning]] [[Biscuits and gravy->Restart From Dream]]

You order the steak. The waitress leaves and you look around at the pictures on the wall. Most of them are normal; pictures of the founder of the restaurant, the original building, old cars; but one sticks out to you. It is a picture perfect painting of the door of the abandoned mansion from your dream. You get up and walk towards it slowly. [[Touch it!]] [[Sit back down and wait for your steak]]

You order the veggie wrap. The waitress is like "vegan peice of crap" and takes out a shotgun and blows your brains out onto the wall behind you. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT AGREE WITH THE WAITRESS' ACTIONS. PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE ME BASED ON HER BAD MORALS. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You order the chicken fingers. The waitress walks off. About two minutes later, she comes back with two bloody, uncooked chicken wings. You look at them in disgust. "What?" she says, "I thought you wanted chicken fingers." [[Eat it to make her not feel bad]] [[Rub them in her face]]

She says "no, you ungrateful jerk" and overturns the table on your head. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You reach your hand out and touch the painting. You are yanked off your feet and thrown through a weird spirally tube. An invisible rope seems to pull you through until you suddenly land in front of the door to the mansion. You stumble back from the hard landing and fall down. You are a person. Actually, you’re half koala bear, but you walk and talk like a person. You go into an abandoned mansion. [[Go into the abandoned mansion->Abandoned mansion 2]] [[What? What is happening?]]

You are all like "meh, it's probably just a coincedence" and you sit back down because you paid a lot for this steak. The waitress comes and is like "I'm very sorry, sir, but your steak grew arms and stabbed our chef to death. Would you like your money back or would you like to order something else of the same price?" [["I'd like my money back"]] [[Order something else]]

You are like "CaN i TaLk To YoUr MaNaGeR?!?!!!?1?1?!?//1??1/!?/!?1/!?/1/1?" she is like "y" and you are like "cuz" and she is like "no" and you are like "ye" and she is like "no" and then you die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You keep eating it because, I mean, you're not dead yet, soo....... y'know. You finish and you are like "well doggone it, that there was the goshdarned best ham n' cheese sammich i ever did had" the waitress is like "what". You die of ebola. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say "I would like no toppings please." She says "Ew." and she shoves the entire ketchup bottle down your throat and squeezes all of it out. You drown in ketchup. Gross. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say "Just ketchup please" and she walks off. [[Wait for your hot dog]] [[GAJBNOEVP]]

meestord lol [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say "Both, please." She walks away. You lose. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say "I would like cheese please." She is like "then why didn't you order a cheeseburger you freaking communist" and she throws you in front of a bus. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You say "no cheese please." You realize that that rhymed. You are like "wow I am a sick rapper" and you leave the restaurant. You go into a music shop and buy a really good tape recorder and record your first song. It hits #1 on the top 100 list within a day and a half. You get rich, making enough money to buy a helicopter, which you (obviously) do. You pass eminem and all of the other rappers who I definately know the names of. You are the most influential and most wealthy person in the world in less than a year. Then you realize that you have no arms. You die of havingnoarms syndrome. Loser. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

She gives you back your money and you walk out onto the street again. [[Go to the flower shop]] [[Go into the alleyway]] [[Gomkkkkkkkmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm]]

[[Order the Ham and Cheese sandwich]] [[Order the Hot Dog]] [[Order the Hamburger]] [[Order the Mac N' Cheese]] [[Order the Biscuits and Gravy]] [[Order the Veggie Wrap]] [[Order the Chicken Fingers]] [[Say "Just water, thanks."]]

You are like "oh yay, my favorite" and you eat them both. You die of salmonella. Sucks to be you, i guess. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You are like "these aren't chicken fingers you freaking idiot" and you rub the blood-covered wings all over her face. She is like "mkay, you need to die" and she shoves her fist into your mouth and yanks down. Your bottom jaw is pulled off. You die of starvation. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

That makes no sense. What kind of person are you, just clicking on things like you don't even realize the consequences of your actions. Every choice that is made in your present moment has an impact on your future. Don’t ever forget this! Because it’s one of the most powerful principles you can live by. Every time you decide to work on yourself, instead of taking the easy road, that is a STRONGER you in the future! When you decide to develop your mind, by learning something new, rather than watching the news, that is a STRONGER, BETTER you in the future. When you decide to eat healthy, rather than give in to temptation or feed your body with foods that only do harm… STRONGER you in the future. When you decide to be kind, rather than fight a useless battle to defend your position… STRONGER, BETTER you in the future. When you decide to rise early, and meditate. There is a stronger you. A better you, ready for the future. When you decide to KEEP GOING despite setbacks – stronger, better you in the future! When you decide to write down every day what you are grateful for, rather than complain about what is not there – a stronger better you in the future. Every decision and every action matters! Every action has a consequence in the future – both ways. Good and Bad. So yes, this one time does matter! Yes, that one sleep in does matter! Habits matter! You matter! From now on DECIDE to make conscious decisions! Powerful decisions every day! Set the standard, and continue to raise the bar in your life! LOL I totally copy pated that from a different website. Anyway, you die. Sucks to be you. [[Restart from the beginning, but inspired->Restart From Beginning]] [[Restare from dream, but inspired->Restart From Dream]]

You wait for your hot dog. [[Wait for a bit longer]] [[AGHBNB ;OWAJIVHINJDKSJJ->GAJBNOEVP]]

That isn't a word, you idiot. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You wait a bit longer. You sit and wait as the restaurant is demolished, a mall is put up, the mall is torn down, WWIII destroys the city, the city is rebuilt by land dolphins, and the land dolphins go extinct. Oh, sorry, did I say you sit and wait? I meant that that all happens in the future. Whoops. Anyway, your hot dog comes and you eat it. Noice. You leave the restaurant. [[Go to the flower shop]] [[Go into the alleyway]]

You walk in through the front doors. You immediately come into a hall with two doors and a dining table with food on it. [[Go to the dining table because you’re hungry->dining table 2]] [[Go towards the doors ‘cause you ain’t scared of some doors->doors 2]] [[Turn around and leave]]

You look up at the sky and yell "What is happening? I'm not dreaming!" You hear someone in the sky whisper "//he's becoming lucid, sir//" and somebody whisper back "//That won't do. Kill it.//" You are struck by lightning and die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go up to the dining table. You go to drink some of the diet caffeine-free aspartame parent-approved strawberry-kiwi soda pop, but then you see the expiration date. It says March 3, 1924. You look at the other food and see that all of the food is either moldy or rotten or eaten by other people or animals. One of the cups of milk has what looks like a mouse skull in it. [[Say “YOLO” and eat the food anyway-> yolo 2]] [[Decide not to eat the hundred year old food->don't 2]] [[Add salt for flavor->add salt 2]]

The first door is wood with a window that has iron bars on it and the second door is wood with mold on the edges. [[Go through door one->door 1 2]] [[Go through door two->door 2 2]]

You turn around and try to open the doors. They won't budge. you fling your whole weight against them, but they don't even move the tiniest bit. [[Fling yourself down the trapdoor]] [[Go to the doors->doors 2]] [[Go to the table->dining table 2]]

You say "YOLO and eat the food, however, since it is not a dram this time, you die from food poisoning pretty much instantly. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You don't eat the food, but since you didn't eat the steak either and teleportation makes you quite hungry, you die of starvation. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You add salt, but you are still eating 100 year old food, and you die anyway. Moron. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go to the first door. In the first door, there is a huge statue of a duck with no right wing. [[Go punch it in the foot->foot 2]] [[Poop on the floor->poop 2]]

You throw open the trapdoor and dive headfirst through the opening. You hit the floor and your skull shatters on impact. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You punch it in the foot. It is like "ow-wait a second, you're not dreaming" and it eats you. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You are not dreaming, so that is just actually gross. You die of ewyoujustpoopedontheflooriosis. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You go into the top secret room. There is a large red button that says 'do not press' on it. [[Press the button->ptb2]] [[Don't press the button because you’re a good person and leave the room->other door 2]]

You decide to go through one of the other doors. [[Go through the bright purple door->bp2]] [[Go through the door that has a stupid face->sf2]] [[Go through the doggie door->dd2]]

In the room with the bright purple door, there is a sign that says the secret to the meaning of life. You say "oh, neat" (because heads don't implode from knowledge in real life). [[Go through the stupid face door->sf2]]

You get halfway through, but the rest of you cannot fit through the doggie door. Duh. You die of hyperventilation. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You press the button and the world explodes. But for real this time. You just literally killed almost seven and a half billion people, and more importantly, about fifty two million dogs. You monster. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You sit on the throne. You fly straight up, through the roof, and go into the stratosphere. However, you die before then because you //literally just flew through a roof//. so yeah. You die. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You slam your hands against the back of the throne and the throne flies up and smashes through the ceiling. The roof collapses onto your head and you are crushed under the pressure. OOF [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You turn and run as fast as you can. He is like "You can run, but you can't hide!" and you are like "Stop that generic talk!" You make it out of his office and into the main building. [[Cause a panic and hide in the crowd]] [[Grab a pen and stab him]]

You run up to one of the desks and grab a pen. You turn around and stab as hard as you can. He swats your arm away with a tentacle that seems to have come from his back. [[Try again]] [[OK now run]]

You wind up to stab again, but he stabs you through the stomach with the tentacle and throws you up to the ceiling and you break all your bones (all besides the second ear bone in your left ear). Too bad, so sad. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You are like "oh well i guess i'd better be going then" and sprint out of the building onto the street. Your boss smashes through the doors and chases after you. You run into the police building, conveniently put directly across the street from your office. You are like "excuse me" and the person at the front counter is like "wait your turn please, this man needs us to find his dog." You stand there like for ten or twenty minutes. Finally, the person at the counter says "okay, you can come up now" and you get up and are like "hi, my boss is trying to kill me." She is like "I know" and she transforms into your boss, picks you up, and stabs you with the chandelier. You die.

You order a hot mug of coffee with two cream packets on the side. When she comes back you see no cream packets. You are like "WHERE IS MY CREAM" and she is like "Oh, I put it in for you." You are like "I SAID ON THE SIDE" and you grab your coffee and pour it on her face, you smash the mug on her head, and grind the glass shards into her eyes and mouth. She dies. [[Leave before the police come]] [[Nah, they'll understand]] [[Look around the restaurant and pretend to not notice the dead body lying on your table]]

You are like "Oh, look at the time, I'd better skedaddle!" and waltz out of there looking super unsuspicious. You go onto the street where there is a car and a few people walking around. [[Steal the car->Steal a car]] [[Do not choose this option]]

You are like "Meh, they'll totally understand" and you sit there and wait. The police come and they ask why you killed her. You are like "she put the cream in the coffee and not on the side." They are like "That's all we needed to hear, we are sorry for the trouble we caused you" and they leave. You walk out. [[Go to the florwer shop->Go to the flower shop no restaurant]] [[Go into the alley]]

You fool. [[Restart From Beginning]] [[Restart From Dream]]

You are like "oh well look at these swell pictures on the wall whoopty doo!" You see a painting that looks exactly like the door of the abandoned mansion from your dream. [[Touch it!]] [[Meh, probs just a coincidence]]

You go into the alleyway. There is a man there in a large coat. He says "Hey kid, you want some candy?" You are like "YEAH!!! How much?" He says that is costs $15. You think that that's a bit much, and you did just buy roses so... [[Buy the candy anyway]] [[Trade the roses for the candy]] [[Don't buy the candy]]

You are like "meh" and you get up and walk out of the restaurant. [[Go to the flower shop]] [[Go into the alley]]