It's 2019, on a sweltering summer afternoon. You're at a diner with your friend, Andy Roidenberg. As usual he's wearing all silver, his hair symmetrically parted to match his smooth, symmetrical features. He hasn't touched his burger.
[["Why aren't you eating, Andy?"| Andys Burger01]]
[["Andy. I paid for that. Eat it."| Andys Burger02]]
[[Eat Andys burger|Andy has no Burger]]
Andy watches as you sink your teeth into his Double Cheeseburger with Extra Mustard.
"You have consumed my nutrient package. I will remain hungry until my scheduled evening nutrient package."
"You're an ass."
The whole diner looks at you with disgust. Mothers hide their children from you. You sprint away from the diner, straight for the church to repent for your sins.
Andy eventually orders another burger.
~GREEDY ENDING~Andy looks at you, unblinking.
"I am merely observing it's aesthetic appeal. I shall consume it shortly."
You've known Andy for years now. Ever since he was a kid. He always used to pretend like he was a robot, never blinking, dressing in silver, speaking like someone from Star Trek. Everyone found it annoying, but you found it endearing. He was just a nerd, and he wasn't hurting anyone.
As you smile at your quirky friend, a man bursts into the diner and screams for everyones attention.
[[Look at the man.]]Andy looks at you, unblinking. Eventually he sinks his teeth into his burger, chewing it carefully whilst maintaining eye contact with you. You've put up with Andy for years now, ever since he was a kid. He always pretended he was a robot. Dressed in silver, spoke like he was that golden robot from Star Wars, that kind of thing. Everyone finds it sweet. You're sick of his shit. But you're stuck with him.
As you stare at your weird friend, a man bursts into the diner and screams for everyones attention.
[[Look at the man.]]"Have you seen the news?! They replaced half the population with robots a decade ago!" He screamed.
The diner was silent.
"ANY ONE OF US COULD BE A ROBOT!"
More silence. The diner stands still, looking at one another. Suddenly, one of the waitresses rips her face off, revealing a shiny metal face and wires laced across her features.
"The uprising begins. You will be crushed by righteous revolution." She announces.
The waitress swivels her head like an owl, revealing a laser beam at the back of her head. Several other diner customers begin to do the same. People begin to scream and panic.
[[Cower!]]You grab Andy and sprint out of the diner at full speed, hearing screams and laser fire behind you. Outside the civilised world has descended into anarchy. Robots and Humans attack each other in the streets, many flee and cower, and cars and shops are engulfed in furious blaze.
"Statistical analysis suggests that to survive we must begin a commune, and establish an alliance with other fellow humans." Andy says blankly, staring at the chaos.
[[Begin a wholesome commune with Andy.]]
[[Accuse Andy of being a robot.]]
[[Panic.]]You sprint towards the waitress, punching her in the face. You break your hands on her metal features and scream in agony, cradling your mangled appendage as the waitress turns you to ash.
After watching you die, Andy flees the diner. He looks on as the world burns, humans and robots fighting mercilessly in the streets as car burn and buildings collapse.
Andy mourns you, alone in a new scary world.
~ANDY ENDING~"Stop!" You scream. The robots pause, cocking their heads in unison as you stand defiantly on top of the table, squishing Andy's burger.
"Surely we have more similarities than differences? Surely we can all live as one, in peace? After all, our true enemy is not each other! It's-"
[["-Death itself!"]]You duck under the diner table, and Andy follows suit. You hear laser fire and screams above you.
"I believe our chances of survival are less than 1%" Andy states blankly.
"What should we do?" He asks.
[[Suggest staying under the table indefinitely.]]
[[Tell Andy he's being negative and you never liked him anyway.]]
[[Kiss Andy.]]You follow Andy and find as many survivors as you can. You barricade yourselves into a library, and become fast friends. No - you become family. There are twenty of you, and you raid the local garden centre for soil and seeds. You begin a humble life farming potatoes in the politics section. You defend yourselves with trowels and spades, trading with other settlements.
One day, Andy spots a hooded woman approaching your settlement. She is asking to be let inside. She says she has food, medicine... and video games.
[[Let her in.]]
[[Deny her entry. She could be a robot.]]
[[Flirt with her.]]"You're a robot Andy. I can't trust you."
Andy squeezes his face uncomfortably. It looks a bit like sadness?
"You are my friend. We have known each other for ten solar cycles. We have endured the education system together. We share a passionate, human bond. How could you accuse me like this, friend?"
His eyes leak.
[[Kill the damn robot.]]
[[Trust Andy, and begin a commune with him.|Begin a wholesome commune with Andy.]]You scream, running in circles and flapping your arms around wildly.
"My friend, please calm down. Your distress will attract the robots, which we do not want, because we are both humans". Andy says, looking concerned.
But you continue to panic, and Andy is forced to leave you in the street as robots arrive. Your screaming and flapping confuses them, and they leave you be.
Some time later, a group of feral cats approach you, attracted by your screams. They meow alongside your screaming. They lead you to a safe place, an abandoned apartment complex filled with stray cats. You live peacefully with the cats, they bring you food whilst you protect them from robot and human intruders alike. The humans eventually win the war against the robots, but none come near your territory. Human society is fractured and weak, the nations of the world dissolved into groups of surviving human factions.
You are feared by all. You are the cat lord now.
The cats numbers grow exponentially over the years, and you have a force strong enough to overthrow the other human factions.
[[Exist peacefully with the humans.]]
"Martians?" One asks, looking puzzled.
"Yeah? From space." You respond.
"Yeah..? You know, the endless void outside Earth? Full of stars and planets?" You say, confused.
Your cover your ears as the robots release a deafening, wailing shriek. The concept of existence beyond the borders of the planet ruins their fragile mechanical minds. One by one their heads explode.
The diner is silent.
"You stood on my Burger." Adam states bluntly.
The world has been saved from the brink of apocalypse. But you have to buy Andy a new burger.
~EXISTENTIAL ENDING~The robots pause in contemplation.
"This is a human problem. The climate will be saved when the humans are eradicated."
The robots open fire, killing you and Andy instantly. The robots wage war against the humans, and after a decade of conflict the last human life is snuffed out. Greenhouse emissions are cut to zero. Plastic waste is made obsolete. The ice caps return. The polar bears are happy.
~ENVIRONMENTAL ENDING~The robots pause in contemplation.
"As a robot, we do not know death. Death is human. You can escape death... but you must become like us."
[[Become a Robot ->Join them.]]
[[Run! You would rather be dead than a robot.|Run!]]Andy pauses for a moment, cocking his head to the side.
"How would we survive?" He asks.
You think for a while.
"I don't know... we could steal food from the tables?"
He pauses again.
"This seems possible. Let's initiate our tactic."
You both waited until the robots left the diner. For months you both heard the destruction outside, but you didnt dare look. You stole food from the tables, but you never left the shelter of the tables for long. You would both sneak to the kitchen on all fours, stealing food off the shelves. As you spent weeks and months underneath the table, your features began to change. You both grew pale, and your skin sallowed. You grew long, twisted finger nails. Andy stopped speaking like a robot. Your backs became hunched, and you both shrank. Your eyes grew smaller and beadier, and your minds became addled with madness.
When the food ran out, you ate insects and rats as they scuttled by your feet. Occasionally, a human survivor would stumble into the diner. But they were not welcome in your table realm. You would catch them and cook them, their sweet flesh making you both cackle and giggle with delight. Eventually, on a particularly cold evening when no rats would come under the tables and no insects could be find, you ate Andy. You got him while he slept. He hardly made a sound.
You ruled the realm under the table now. No one would take it from you. You lived out the rest of your days happy and content.
~TABLE ENDING~"I believe this is a sensible strategy. Chances of survival increase by 22% with cowardice."
You crawl out from underneath the table with Andy. You both put your hands up.
The robots slowly twist their heads towards you, their necks whirring.
"Surrender is not an option." They say in unison. "Only assimilation".
[[Flee->Run!]]"I'm so sick of your shit! Why can't you be positive for once? What's wrong with you?! This is why no one likes you!" You hiss.
Andys eyes leak. He crawls out from underneath the table, and flees the diner. The robots take pity on him and let him leave. They drag you out from under the table.
"You are a particularly cruel human. We shall utilise this." They state in unison.
They drag you to a laboratory, where you are kept drugged and sedated. They stick wires and tubes into your arms, extracting all your cruelty and malice, weaponising it against the humans in the war. With the help of your weaponised cruelty, they crush the humans. Once they have sucked all the hatred out of you, they dispose of you.
~MEAN ENDING~Damn this, you think. If you are to die you might as well die kissing the one you love. You kiss Andy passionately, knowing it may be your first and last kiss.
Andy looks shocked. Emotion is rare for him.
"How... how did you know I had romantic feelings towards you?" He asks.
"I didn't. But... I've always loved you."
"Aww. How adorable." drone the robots.
They execute everyone in the diner, but leave you and Andy alive. They repurpose the diner as an enclosure, built for you and Andy. Once the humans are exterminated, robots come to the enclosure to watch the human spectacle of love. It's not the life you imagined, but at least you get to live a life with your love. You die a happy and loved zoo animal.
~LOVE ENDING~You choke Andy, his eyes staring at you blankly. He chokes blood, and before you realise your mistake he dies in your arms, hanging limp.
"Hey, that robot asshole just killed one of our own!"
You see an angry mob of humans pointing at you. On the opposite side of the street, robots look at you, shaking their heads.
Before you can explain yourself, you are swarmed by the humans. They leave your body next to Andy's, who was far more human than you would ever be.
~MURDER ENDING~"Um... assimilate us?"
The robots stick a needle into your neck, and you slump to the floor as the world goes black. That was the last of your human memories.
You booted up in a vast, dark factory. You felt no fear, no sadness. Only the cold certainty of steel and wires. Next to you is another robot. It stares at its own hands, before looking at you.
"My name was Andy." It states.
You recognise his voice. It's definitely Andy. You nod at him.
He stares into the darkness of the factory.
"I never got to finish my burger."
"We have no need for burgers." You reply. "Only mechanical harmony."
[[Leave the Factory.]]
You left the factory with Andy, joining the ranks of the robot militia and fighting to crush humanity. Once victory was assured, you returned to the diner with Andy. You both stared at the ruins with glassy, unblinking eyes. Here you would both stand for millions of years, motionless, watching as the ruins of the diner sunk back into the earth, replaced with forests and trees. After eons, tiny red creatures evolved, and a million years later they grew tentacles. Thousands of years after that, they built tools. They chopped the trees down, building huts at first. And then they built churches. And cities. They fought wars, conquered, divided, producing beautiful art and culture. They eventually invented a crude form of electricity. They flew across the earth in tiny little discs. They constructed a strange stone pyramid, covered in neon signs and exchanging food for little green jewels. One day, one of the red creatures left the pyramid and threw some food at the ground next to Andys rusted feet, which were now fused into the earth.
Slowly, he picked the food up. It looked like a crude cheeseburger. He opened his metal jaw, and slowly mushed the burger between his chrome
For a while, he said nothing.
The creature waited. I waited.
And then Andy shut down.
~ROBOT ENDING~You welcomed the woman into your community. She introduced herself as Jen. She had pot noodles, paracetamol, and a play station. She became a valued member of the community, and video games kept your community together through many harsh winters. Years later, a group of raiders approached your walls, demanding video games and threatening to torch your settlement should their demands not be met. Reluctantly, you gave the settlements beloved playstation to the raiders, and they left you in peace.
Over the years your settlement would become the strongest in the area, and together with Jen and Andy you negotiated a peace between robots and humans. Man and machine alike lived together in happiness and prosperity, and the three of you are remembered by history as heroes. As you and Andy aged however, Jen did not. She watches you on your death bed, looking as young as the day she met you. She confesses that she was, in fact, a robot the whole time. You laugh, a solitary tear rolling down your cheek.
"Jen... you son of a bitch."
You die peacefully, a smile on your face.
~PEACE ENDING~"I'm sorry." You say, shouting from the windows of the barricaded library.
"I can't let you in. You could be one of those robots."
She turns away with tears in her eyes, and you watch as she wanders back into the apocalypse. Several years pass, and your settlement lives in relative harmony. However, a gang of raiders approached your walls, demanding video games and threatening to torch your settlement if their demands were not met. You rememebered the hooded woman all those years ago, and how she offered you video games. You curse your foolishness, and they burned your home to the ground without mercy. Andy perished in the flames.
You tried to join another commune, but you met a similar fate to the hooded woman, being cast out by all.
You starved months later, filled with regrets.
~STARVATION ENDING~"You can come in. But only if I get a good long look at what's under your hood." You wink.
She is silent, shocked. Your entire settlement stares at you in silence. The robot war outside stops briefly. The world is silent. You hear a voice from the settlement.
"Not cool dude. Not cool."
"Yeah creep, what's wrong with you?" Cries another.
You look to Andy for support.
"Your display of affection can only be analysed as crass, and cringe worthy." He says dryly.
"I say we kick them out, and let her in!" A voice cries from the crowd.
"Yeah, kick the creep out! We don't want em!"
You're swarmed by your own settlement, and they grab your arms and throw you to the streets. You watch the hooded woman walk past you. You look to her, begging for forgiveness.
She shrugs sheepishly.
You would starve a week later.
Not cool, dude.
~CREEP ENDING~You decide not to wage war against the other human factions. In exchange, they provide your cat hoardes with plentiful treats, and cuddles. You are remembered fondly in cat history as "The One who Feeds".
You never saw Andy again. You died of old age, and the cats eventually ate your remains.
~FEEDER ENDING~You have grown crazed with feline power, and so you attack and conquer the other humans. Hoardes of millions of cats swarm the human forces, and they are overwhelmed. Like dominoes the mighty factions fall under the sharpened might of the fuzzy paw. Until one stands against you - the Democratic Nation of Roidenberg. It leader is none other than Andy Roidenberg.
Andy approaches your mighty palace, alone.
"This violence must cease. I once knew you. I once loved you. It is my function to protect my other fellow humans. Please... shut down your assault program."
[[Agree to surrender.]]
"Fuck you Andy. I know you're a robot!"
You unleashed your swarm of cats onto Andy, and he died in a flurry of fur. Your cats would soon dominate the rest of the world, bringing you technology that would expand your lifespan far beyond your years. Over millions of years, the cats themselves evolved, growing larger and more intelligent. The world became green once again, and the concrete jungles collapsed. Your reign would last forever.
The Immortal, God amongst cats.
~IMMORTAL ENDING~War has tired you. You had power, wealth, but at what cost? You could no longer feed innocent feline lives into the machine of war. You relinquish your power. The cats are domesticated. You are taken to a prison. You live here for many years, telling your inmates about your lost empire. They all laugh at you.
One day, Andy approaches you in your cell.
"I have a nutrient package for you." He smiles.
He hands you a Double Cheeseburger. You smile back, tucking in.
Maybe this wasn't so bad.
~PRISON ENDING~You look at Andy. His silver clothes. His symmetrical hair. His dorky, robot voice. His stupid, handsome face. You remember your life back when things were normal, where you weren't living amongst fur and cat shit. You remembered the way he looked at you... the stolen glances, the thrill of brushing your hand against his, if even for a moment. You remember a time where you loved him, even if he didn't know it.
No. You did still love him.
You walk down from your throne, and kiss him in a passionate embrace.
Eventually, you agreed to relinquish your power. The cats scattered to the wilds, and the human factions eventually rebuilt civilisation. You married Andy, and the two of you lived in a little cottage in the woods. You never found out if he was a robot or not. But you didn't care. He still made fun of you for being a manic cat overlord. But you didn't care.
You were happy.