Cherry

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[The gentle feather-yellow paint of my walls is soft in the glow of the fairy lights of the blanket fort I made at the foot of my (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[bed->Bed]]]. Everything in here - my old quilt, my dark wooden desk, my books and their roughed-up covers, my dresser - it all seems to have soft edges. A dreamy, sleeping warmth has collected over the years, and it settles most at night. The (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[frosted darkness outside->Midnight]]] is hidden by the half-drawn curtains. Tonight, the warmth has settled like goose down, a soft haze, and it has been brought by my best friend. My best friend. God. She lays there, inside the fairy-lit den of blankets and rose-printed sheets. She lays there - the blankets beneath her are white and the stuff of clouds. She lays there, she stares up at the flower petals on the flannel, and I keep having these (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[terrifying thoughts->Terrifying Thoughts]]] about (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[her lips->Lips]]]. If I were brave enough, I could go to her. But I’m not. Suddenly she's asking me - "Got any (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[snacks->Meaning]]]?"]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[It’s old, a relic from my grandmother’s mother. It’s got a brass frame that rattles when I throw myself onto it at the end of the day, dressed in a handmade quilt. A fluffy white blanket spills off at the foot. At the head of the bed sprawls a collection of (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[loved stuffed animals->Stuffed Animals]]]. Hidden beneath, where casual eyes can’t see, there are forgotten and forbidden books, a box of cards, clothing tags, empty snack bags, and a (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[love note->Love Note]]]. It’s best not to look under there (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[for long->First]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[It was given to me in my freshman year. It's from a boy whose name I don’t remember, because he changed schools the year after. He didn’t matter to me. I cried the night I got it because it wasn’t from (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[Her->Bed]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[There's Gwendolyn the lion cub, her furry ears worn threadbare; a little black dog I got on vacation with my grandparents; a spotted horse; the tiny gray and white kitten I took to Florida when I was little; a blue and green beanie boo someone got me my sophomore year. Gwendolyn is the oldest, I've had her since I was tiny. I’ve shown them all to Her before, She knows all their names by (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[heart->Bed]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[It's nearing midnight. The sacred time of a sleepover when we choose a movie and watch it with each other deep inside our (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[blanket fort->First]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[If I drifted to her, fell to my knees, took her face in my hands, and leaned my lips into hers? If I layed down next to her, turned my eyes into the seashell of her ear, and hid my face in her neck? If I took her hand and gently gently gently rested her fingers between my teeth? My brain flutters with quivering, electric butterflies that glitter with (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[lightning->First]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[Soft, curved, too easily chapped in winter. Her cupid's bow makes my insides quiver like an animal. It dips like the arches of a Valentine’s heart. Right now, her lips are parted, just enough that if I watch closely I can see the glint of her tongue when she swallows. I wish her lips would touch (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[mine->First]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[Her obsession, her passion, her calling card, since she was small. And the reason for her obsession? Her name. //(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[Cheralyn->Names]]]//. But no, Cheralyn is what her mother calls her. She’s //Cherry, please//. And through her seventeen years, it’s become her symbol. Golden-stemmed cherries glint at her ears, shades of wine and blood and fruit glow like quarter machine gems from her closet, and, printed on the pale skin on the inside of her left ankle, a (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[tiny cherry tattoo->Tattoo]]] hides. So, the answer to her question is yes, we do have “snacks”. I make sure my mom gets them every time she goes shopping, just for her. "(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[Yeah, you want me to grab them?->Third]]]"]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[I held her hand when she got it. She squeezed my fingers so hard my knuckles popped, and I squeezed hers back. I wanted to fight the artist away from her ankle. Her face was so white, and the buzz of the tattoo gun had wormed itself into my brain. She had brushed off the google results for “ankle tattoo pain” (9/10, pretty much all bone, the top article warned) and I knew she was chewing herself out in her head for not going for the hip or back. But it was her dream. So I let him hurt her, because she wanted it. Once it was done and we were in the car, I saw the glow in her eyes, the impish euphoria of doing something that she had decided was her choice to make. I watched her as she traced the shape of the two little cherries tucked under their Saniderm, her fingers light as moth's wings. I wanted to hold her in my arms and carry her home with her cheek resting on my (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[shoulder->Second]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))["Yes!" She sits up, black pajamas scrunching with the movement of her (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[soft belly->Belly]]] and the rise of her chest. "Want me to come with?“ She could (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[come with me->Partner]]] to the kitchen. I would have the privilege of feeling her next to me. Or… I could (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[wait on her->Waitress]]] - breakfast-in-bed turned into cherries-in-blanket-fort. Perhaps I would get a chance to try and settle the lightning storm in my stomach.]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[The bright saccharine sweetness of maraschino cherries, fingers dipped in candy, teeth breaking the flesh of fruit with a bone-deep give. That is what her name is to me. When I met her in fifth grade, and she gave me her name, this is what flashed into my mind. I discovered the term "(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[synesthesia->Second]]]" two years later.]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[Her stomach is not flat. When she wears a crop top, I can see the way her belly is soft, no hard edges, the perfect pillow for a head to rest on. In the summer, when the evening turns the shadows long, golden hairs catch the light and turn the edges of her skin into a (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[tiny aurora->Third]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))["That’s alright, I'll get them. Pick out a movie?" She grins at me impishly and leans back into the pillows, pulling my laptop closer. Her (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[black hair->Hair]]] is flared around her head like she’s at the bottom of a pool. "I've got one in mind." So I slip off my brass framed bed and tip-toe out the door, down the carpeted hall that muffles the noise of my footsteps through my socks, to the kitchen that glows (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[honey-dim->Waitress Kitchen]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))["Sure," I smile, and carbonated sparks alight in my stomach. She stretches her fingertips to her toes, and then clambers up, taking up a (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[warm and soft space->Space]]] by my side as I rise from my sprawl on the bed. She is fast like a Christmas mouse, her feet in their fuzzy socks pattering down the carpet in the hallway. Her (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[hair->Hair2]]] is dancing around her shoulders. I follow her and enter the kitchen. The night light illuminating the walls with a (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[honey glow->Partners Kitchen]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[It smells like her shampoo. She gets it off of Amazon. “Japanese Cherry Blossom”. It is wavy like surface of the sea at night. I love to sit behind her and run my fingers through the silk-soft roots, to give her my hands when she's stressed or sad, or just to show her that I love her. I dream of it when I fall asleep to the sound of (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[rain->Waitress]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[My socks pit-pat on the linoleum as I cross the floor to the fridge. The fridge whooshes quietly as I crack open the right side. They’re there, in the fruit drawer; a container of cherries. Her (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[favorite->Favorite2]]]. The fruit drawer scrapes open, and I lift out the container, closing the fridge as softly as I can. I pace to the sink, turn on the tap, struggle with the lid to the plastic clamshell until it opens with a pop. I baptize the fruit with our well water, and when I pull it from the sink, the beads of water left behind gleam and glint and drip. I grope for the paper towel roll and rip off a wad to stop the droplets from making a mess on the floor. On my way back, I grab two cans of root beer from the box outside the pantry. Quiet like a mouse over the carpeted hall, and I'm (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[back in my bedroom->Waitress Bedroom]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[My socks pit-pat on the linoleum as I cross the floor to the fridge, where already she is digging. She knows exactly where the fruit box is; right side, a little more than halfway up. After just a moment, she holds up a container of cherries - (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[her favorite->Favorite]]] - triumphantly. I smile at her and playfully snatch it away from her with a cackle. She shrieks in outrage and pounces on me, hands clawing for the container I hold (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[above her head->Height]]]. She jumps and tries to tackle me before I finally relent and give it back to her. She baptises the fruit with our tap water, and when she pulls it from the stream, it gleams and glints and drips with beads of water left behind. Shutting off the sink, she gropes for the paper towel roll and pulls of a wad to stop the droplets from pooling on the floor. She races back out of the kitchen on tiptoeing feet, and as I follow her, I grab two cans of root beer from the box outside the pantry. Pit-patting back through the carpeted hall, and I'm back again within my (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[bedroom->Partners Bedroom]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[She is always warm and soft, smelling of sweet things. When she is near me, I buzz like my body has been filled with shaken soda. But… I also settle with comfort. She is a blanket and a shield, and I take care of her as she takes care of me. Sleep comes deep and easy the nights when we lie (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[against each other->Partner]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[Rainier cherries. Clear red and pale gold-yellow, glossy and glassy in a way that makes me think of those juicy candy cherries that Violet Beauregard’s mom bites into in 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' - the 2000s one. They’re really sweet, in a delicate, kind of feminine way. They’re her very favorite. She’s tried all of the one’s you’re supposed to eat (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[plain->Partners Kitchen]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[I'm taller than she is, but she's not really short. I'm just tall. Tall enough to keep things out of her reach, be it spoons of cookie dough or hair ties or (text-colour:#9A79BA)[ (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[little stuffed kittens->Partners Kitchen]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[The light from my laptop's screen casts a soft blue glow onto her (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[face->Face]]], and when she hears me in the foyer, she smiles up at me. "’Undead Redheads’. Apocalyptic drama, came out in 2013, critics hate it. Sound promising?" "It sounds perfect," I grin back, because if she thinks it sounds promising, it is. And getting on my knees, I crawl to meet her in the cave of fairy lights and rose-print sheets to peer at the screen and gently press her (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[cherries->Movie]]] into her waiting hands.]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[She's already nestling back down into the burrow of blankets and pillows within the fort when I enter the room. I get down on my knees and join her in the safe cave of fairy lights and rose-print sheets, surrounded by softness everywhere. I watch her (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[face->Face2]]] as she types in the password to my laptop with practiced speed - cherryred - and clicks straight to Netflix. "Ruthie. ‘Undead Redheads’. Apocalyptic drama, came out in 2013, critics hate it. Thoughts?" "Let’s do it," I say firmly, and lean back into (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[heaven->Movie]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[Pale, warm skin, a blush of rosacea brushed over her cheeks and nose. She has bad breakouts sometimes, and right now there is a small flared up area around her nose. Her eyes are dark brown and deep and warm, like falling asleep next to the woodstove on a November night. They are rimmed with lashes that are just translucent enough that when they catch the sunlight they look like fairy's wings. There is a smudge of mascara on her cheek from where she took it off earlier. Her black hair sometimes falls into her eyes, and her fingers tuck it back again, the silver pins to a (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[veil of sea->Waitress Bedroom]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[The entrance of the blanket fort has been closed, the fairy lights have been turned down low, and our bodies are (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[pressed together->Touch]]] with the laptop balanced on the bones of our hips. A curl of her hair has fallen onto my cheek as our heads rest against each other. Her elbow rests upon my rising and falling stomach. On screen the main character faces a horde of rotting CGI zombies, armed with nothing but His Love for the (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[love interest->Norms]]] as she lies, unconscious and mascaraed, yards away. My best friend eats her cherries in place of popcorn, sneaking the pits into a napkin from the corner of her mouth. My eyes are fixed on the screen, but every time I raise my can of root beer to my lips, the tingling static in my mind swells and swells. On the screen, the love interest stabs a zombie in the head with a sharp rock, and She hums in approval, but Oh My //God//. I can’t understand what's happening in the movie anymore. My skull buzzes. My brain is alight with a (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(text-style:"smear")[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[a thousand glowing wasps->Need]]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[Pale, warm skin, a blush of rosacea brushed over her cheeks and nose. She has bad breakouts sometimes, and right now there is a small flared up area around her nose. Cold weather dries her skin out and bothers her acne. I have an emergency tube of azelaic acid in my bathroom cabinet. Her eyes are dark brown and deep and warm, like falling asleep next to the woodstove on a November night. They are rimmed with lashes that are just translucent enough that when they catch the sunlight they look like fairy's wings. There is a smudge of mascara on her cheek from where she took it off earlier. Her face is what they call heart-shaped; she has a jaw and chin that narrow from the rest of her face. Her black hair sometimes falls into her eyes, and her fingers tuck it back again, the silver pins to a (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[veil of sea->Partners Bedroom]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[My favorite place in the whole world my favorite place in all existence where I can feel the beat of her body and the warmth of her glowing into me and the swell and fall of her breathing and the barely-heard pulse of her heartbeat and the smell of her (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[hair and skin and pjs->Movie]]]]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[It's a 2013 movie. Of course Straight White Cis Man is in love with Straight White Cis Woman. Of course even in the zombie apocolypse, social norms seem to miraculously (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[survive->Movie]]].]

//(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[I need to (text-style:"smear")[(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[kiss her->lovekiss]]]]. I Need to (text-style:"smear")[(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[Kiss Her->shatterkiss]]]]. Oh, God, I Need to ''(text-style:"smear")[(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[KISS HER->firekiss]]]]''.]//

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[My ears have failed. I hear nothing. I turn my face to hers. She looks at me. I slip my hand through the silk-soft hair at the back of her neck and (after:2s)[pull] (after:3s)[her] (after:4s)[to (text-style:"smear")[(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"blur")+(t8n-arrive:"blur")+(t8n-time:2s)[[me->lovekissed]]]].]]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.5))[There is darkness without sound when I close my eyes. The only sound is the pounding rush of blood in my head. Her lips are soft, so, so soft and for a terrifying fractured second they do not move. But then… They //do//. And //(text-style:"expand")[color taste touch scent]// explodes. Richest bloodiest ruby pinks the texture of peachflesh sprawling unfolding unfurling in my brain. Sanguine saturated violet explodes across the edges like octopus ink and everything is swirled with flecks of deep hot gold from a dragonfire chest. Everything is on fire and everything is injected with stars. The warmth is the fire and it makes my heart beat so hard can feel it in my temples. My hands are trailed along her jaw, fingers tucked behind her ears and through her hair, and suddenly I am aware she is holding me in just the same way. Gentle and shy but not letting go. Our mouths share each other. When a slip of her tongue brushes my lips, I know something powerfully. (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[She tastes like cherries->Lovelovelove]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.5))[We pull apart softly, eyes round and seeking the other’s. When we find each other, our flushed mouths curl into smiles. We are laughing. It is quiet and giddy. "You taste like cherries," I whisper to her, and a shiver runs through my belly as I say it, because I //know// now. She tastes just like her name. "You taste like root beer," she whispers back. We grin at each other like we’re five year olds at the playground. "Cherry," I breathe, and she looks at me. She really looks at me. Her dark eyes are round, her hair is curling into her face, and my chest (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[wrenches->Love Love]]].]

(align:"=><=")+(box:"=XXX=")[🍒] (align:"=><=")+(box:"=XXX=")[(after:4s)[//(text-colour:(#9A79BA))[Cherry L. A. Howard]//]]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.5))[First, there is darkness without sound as I close my eyes. The only sound is the pounding rush of blood in my ears as I press my lips into hers. She pulls away. My body shatters into glass. My eyes are open, vision pounding with the boom, Boom, BOOM of my heart. My brain is spinning in my skull, my flesh swelling with burning numbing Novocain. I am a wild animal in a cage. I am a circus cat cowering from the whip. I am a coyote shivering in a metal trap. Because so is she. She has pressed herself against the other wall of the blanket fort, dark eyes round and beautiful lips parted as breaths rip from both of our throats. "Ruth," she says. The word is quivering and fragile on the air. It breaks me. Tears blossom in my eyes and fall from my lashes like pearls onto my old gray tee where they are eaten by the cotton. "Ruth," she says again, and her voice cracks like winter fingertips. "Don't." I am choking. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I didn't mean to do that. She is silent, throat working as she tries to come up with something to say. "Please," I whisper. "Please, Cherry. I'm sorry. I’m so so sorry." "I didn't know you... liked… girls.“ She won’t look at me. She is staring at the laptop. "I don't," I lie. "I don't, I swear to God. I'm so fucking sorry. Just - forget it, please, forget that I - please, God, I’m sorry.“ Her gaze travels upward, from the laptop laying discarded on its side to my neck. I don’t think she can make herself look higher. Into my eyes. "Okay," she says slowly. The single word tries to tell me things that I don't understand and that I fear to. "Okay, Ruth. I can forget. If you want me to forget, I can forget." "Yes.“ Snot is clogging my esophagus. "Yes, God, please. I’m sorry." She nods, as slowly as she spoke, and hesitantly begins to curl back down from where her vertebrae are flattened against the wall. Without another word, she tips the laptop right side up and settles into a stiff perch, legs held tightly to her chest. She is only a few feet from me. (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.8s)[[She has never, ever been so far away->shattering]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.5))[Our lips connect, and suddenly nothing is quiet, everything is noise and movement. The pounding rush of blood in my ears and the breath that comes short and fast from our noses as our mouths move of their own accord. Her lips are soft but then they are not, they are pressing hard against my own, and then they are soft again, and I discover her lips are warm but are nothing like the wonderful fiery warmth she breathes into me from within her mouth. And as soon as I discover this the whole world tastes of nothing but bloodred (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[cherries->firekissed fire]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.5))[It takes us a while to catch our breaths. Electricity glances through my body as I gaze up at her. Our eyes lock, cornflower and coffee. She grins, breathlessly "Holy shit," she breathes. "Ruth. Holy - holy //balls//." Laughter bursts from my lungs. It’s ridiculous. It’s all ridiculous. Zombies and kissing, being seventeen and in love, her choice of words. She is laughing too. We clutch at each other's shirts, shrieking with it, until tears come up. My ribs cramp and my diaphragm nearly gives out. We end up slumped against each other, catching our breaths. My lips are still flushed from our kiss. I draw my tongue along them and can almost still taste her. “Cherry,” I say wispily, and then try again more clearly. “Cherry.” “Yes ma’am?” A smile still curls the corners of her mouth. Her eyes twinkle. “What happens now?” She tilts her head like a puppy and considers this. She licks her lips, smiles. "I think," she begins, and then hesitates. "I think, we finish the movie. And then we go to bed. And in the morning... We'll see." "We'll see," I repeat, halfway agreeing with her, halfway confirming that we will, that she promises that we will. "We //shall// see," she tells me firmly. But instead of righting the laptop, she gets a devilish crook to her lips. She slides her hand along my jaw, hooks her finger behind my ear, pulls me under. Again, my whole world becomes the taste of cherries. The taste of Her. The taste of (text-colour:#9A79BA)[//(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:3s)[[Cherry->Cherry]]//].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.5))[I am cold. We finish the movie. She does not say a word when the credits roll. She does not say a word when I creep out of the blanket fort I made for us. She does not say a word when I crawl under the covers of my bed to cry. I cry even harder when I notice how damp my pillow has become. The fairy lights blink out after only a few minutes. My bed is empty. My body misses hers lying next to me like a ripped out tooth. I lay there in the dark and let my tears fall into my hair. It is dark outside. Frost gathers on my windowsill. I am cold. “Good night,” I whisper into the darkness. Stupidly. She doesn’t say it back. It is dark outside. (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:3s)[[In the end, I am only cold->Cherry]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.4))[Late October. We spent the day ducking in and out of the cold of downtown by means of six thrift shops and a questionable diner, for lunch. We bought gas station coffee to keep our hands warm because neither of us remembered gloves and matching crop tops with a little kitten face on them for (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[next summer->Car]]].]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.4))[She asked me, “Ruthie, can I stay over?” And I told her of course she could. She texted her mom as I started the car, riding shotgun, air vents angled right at her face to (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[blast the chill->Bedroom]]] out of her cheeks.]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.4))[That's why we're in my (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"blur")+(t8n-arrive:"blur")+(t8n-time:3s)[[bedroom->First]]] again.]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.45))[When she says "snacks", of course, she's referring to one snack specifically. (after:2.7s)[(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[Cherries->Second]]].]]

(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[["I love you."->Good Night Love]]]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.4))[A beautiful blush rolls through her cheeks, and her smile glows. Her hand is soft when she brushes her thumb over my lips. "I love //you//, Ruthie." She pulls me close, and I pull her close, and we hold and hold and hold each other like that. We are fairies. We lay asleep in our cherry blossom. She loves me. I love her and she //loves// me. It is dark outside. Frost gathers on my windowsill. But it is warm in her arms. It is warm to hear the rhythm of her heart in her chest. We are so safe here. "Good night," I whisper to her when she stretches to turn off the fairy lights. "Good night," she says softly, and our fort blinks into (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(text-style:"smear")[//(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:3s)[[darkness->Cherry]]//]]. ]

(text-colour:(hsl:225,1,0.9294,0.4))[Colors explode behind my eyes as I feel her fingers slip around the back of my head, pulling me closer and harder against her, so we are pressed mouth to mouth and belly to belly. Deepest richest ruby pinks the texture of the flesh of a peach sprawling unfolding unfurling in my brain. Deep saturated violet explodes across the edges like octopus ink and everything is swirled with flecks of deep hot gold from a dragonfire chest. Everything is on fire and everything is injected with stars. The warmth is the fire and it heats my chest and my head and my belly. We are breathing each other. I don't know how we will ever manage to stop. The scent, taste, and feel of her fulfills my soul like I have never experienced. (text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.8s)[[But somehow, after years or seconds, we break apart, heaving for air->firefirefire]]].]

(text-style:"superscript")[(text-style:"buoy")[(align:"=><=")+(box:"=XXX=")[(text-style:"blur")[//(text-colour:#9A79BA)[(t8n-time:3s)[[BEGIN->October]]]//]]]]