Cherry

The gentle feather-yellow paint of my walls is soft in the fairy lights within the blanket fort I made at the foot of my bed. Everything in here - the old quilt on my (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[bed->My Bed]], my dark wooden desk, the books and their titles on my shelf, my dresser - seems to have soft edges. A dreamy, sleeping warmth has collected over the years, and it settles the most at night, the (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[black of outside through the window->Nighttime]] hidden by half-drawn curtains. Tonight, it has settled like feather down, like a soft haze, and it has been brought by my best friend. My best friend. God, my best friend. There she lays, inside the fairy-lit cave of blankets and rose-printed sheets. There she lays, and the blankets beneath her are white and the stuff of clouds. There she lays, and as she stares up at the flower petals on the linen, I keep having these (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[terrifying thoughts->Terrifying thoughts]] about (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[her lips->Her Lips]]. If I were brave enough, I would go to her. But I am not, and suddenly she's asking me - "Do you have any (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[cherries->Obsession]]?"

If I drifted to her, fell to my knees, took her face in my hands, and leaned my lips into hers? If I lay next to her, turned my eyes to the seashell of her ear, and hid my face in her neck? If I took her hand and gently gently gently rested her fingers between my teeth? My brain has been filled with quivering, electric butterflies that flicker with (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[lightning->The First Breath]].

Soft, curving pink. The cupid's bow of her lips makes my insides quiver like an animal, the dip in her upper lip perfectly like the top of a Valentine heart. Her lips are parted, just enough that if I watch closely I can see the glint of her tongue when she swallows. I wish her lips would touch (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[mine->The First Breath]].

My old brass-framed bed that rattles when you jump onto it, dressed with a soft old quilt in pastel colors. A fluffy white blanket spills at the foot. At the head of the bed sprawls a collection of (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[loved stuffed animals->Stuffed Animals]]. Hidden beneath, where you cannot see, you know lie many forgotten or forbidden books, cards, clothing tags, empty snack bags, and a (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[love note->Love Note]]. But I don't want to look under the bed right (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[now->The First Breath]].

There's Gwendolyn the lion cub, her furry ears worn threadbare; George the little black dog; Lucy the horse; Diamond the tiny gray and white kitten; Alaska the moose; Pip the clown doll; and Fiona the skunk. Gwendolyn is the oldest, I've had her since I was tiny. If I wanted I could show one to (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[Her->My Bed]], even though she knows their names by heart. But I don't right now.

It was given to me in my freshman year. It's from a boy whose name doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I wish it were from (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[Her->My Bed]].

Cherries. Her obsession, her passion, her symbol, since she was tiny. And the reason for her obsession? Her name. [[Cheridan->Cheridan]]. But also since she was tiny, it has become Cherry. And through her seventeen years, her name has become her symbol. Golden-stemmed cherries glint at her ears, shades of wine and blood and fruit glow like gems from within her dresser drawers, and, hidden on the smooth, pale skin of the inside of her left ankle, a (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[tiny cherry tattoo ->The Cherry Tattoo]]that only I know about winks. So, the answer to her question is yes, we do have cherries. I make sure my mom gets them every time she goes shopping, just for her. "(t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[Yeah, do you want me to get them for you?->Out the Bedroom]]" I ask her.

Sacharine sugar of meraschino cherries, fingers dipped in sweet liquid, teeth breaking the skin of fruit with a bone-deep sound you half-believe you are making up. This is what her name is to me. When I met her in fifth grade, and she gave me her name, (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[this->Obsession]] is what poured into my mind.

It's nearing midnight. The sacred time of a sleepover when we begin a movie and lay beside each other deep within our (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[blanket fort->The First Breath]].

I held her hand when she got it. She squeezed my fingers so hard my knuckles popped, but I clutched hers back. I wanted to push the artist away from her ankle, to stop her face from going so pale, but I knew this was something she had dreamed of for years. So even though I wished I could throw the man away from her, I let him hurt her, because she wanted it. Once it was done and the artist had left us alone, I saw the elation in her face, the euphoria of doing something that she had decided was her choice. I watched her face as she traced the shape of the two little cherries with their shared stem, light as moth's wings, and wanted to bundle her gently into my arms and hold her (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[forever->Obsession]].

"Yes!" She sits up, black cherry-print pajamas curving along with her (t8n-time:0.5s)[[soft belly->Her Belly]] and the gentle rises of her chest. "Want me to come with you?" I could (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[wait on her->A Waitress]], breakfast-in-bed turned cherries-in-blanket-fort, get a chance to try and settle the lightning storm in my stomach. Or I could have her (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[come with me->Come with Me]], I could get to walk beside her (as if I haven't done that all afternoon when we went out for lunch).

Her stomach is not flat, and that is what makes it perfect. When she wears a crop top, I can see the way her skin is made soft underneath, curving to rise in a gentle oval that sits where abs might, belly button a dimple and tiny golden hairs making an aura on the edges of everything when the sun catches them (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[just right->Out the Bedroom]].

"It's okay, I'll get them for you. Pick out a movie for us?" She grins at me and leans back into the pillows, reaching out and dragging my laptop closer. Her (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[black hair->Her Hair]] is pooling around her head like deep water. "I'm determined to find us the best and shittiest movie out there, Ruths." So I slip off my brass-framed bed and tip-toe out the door, down the carpeted hall that muffles the noise of my footsteps through my socks to the kitchen that is lit with a (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[honey-dim night light->Waitress Kitchen]].

"Sure," I smile, and silver slivers alight in my stomach. She stretches her fingertips to her toes, and then bounds up, filling a (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[warm and soft space->Warm and Soft]] beside me as I arise from my flop on the bed. She is fast like a Christmas mouse, her feet in their fuzzy socks pittering down the carpet in the hallway. (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[Her hair->Her Hair.]] is a tail behind her. I follow her and enter into the kitchen, lit by a (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[honeyed night light->Two's Kitchen]].

It smells like her shampoo, like those candy 'cherry slices' you see in Cracker Barrel, and it is wavy like surface of the sea at night. I love to sit behind her and run my fingers through the silk-soft roots, to give her a massage when she's stressed or sad, or just to show her I love her (but she doesn't know Like That). I dream of it when I fall asleep to the (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[sound of rain->A Waitress]].

My socks pit-pat on the linoleum as I cross the floor to the fridge. That fridge-door-sound whooshes quietly as I crack open the right side. There they are, in the fruit box; a container of (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[cherries->Favorites]], her favorite. I scrape open the fruit box and lift out the container, closing the frige softly as I can. I pace to the sink, turn on the tap, struggle with the lid to the container until it opens with a pop. I baptise the fruit with our well water, and when I pull it from the stream, it gleams and glints and drips with beads of water left behind. Shutting off the sink, I grope for the paper towel roll and pull of a wad to stop the droplets from pooling on the floor. On my way back out of the kitchen, I grab two cans of root beer from the box just outside the pantry. Quietly mouse over the carpeted hall again, and I'm back in my (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[bedroom->Waitress Bedroom]].

Rainier cherries. Clear red and pale gold-yellow, glossy and glassy in a way that makes you think of the cherries they bite into in 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' - the new one, anyway. This is the kind she has on her favorite earrings. (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[This->Waitress Kitchen]] is the kind that is her favorite, period.

The light from my laptop's screen is casting a blue glow on her (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[face->Her Face]], and when she hears me enter she grins. "I've got the movie, Ruths. It's fucking awful. We're going to love it." "Brilliant," I grin back, and getting on my knees, I join her in the cave of fairy lights and rose-print sheets to peer at the screen and hand her her (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[cherries->Movie]].

She is always warm and soft and smelling of sweet things. When she is near me I buzz and feel as if my body has been filled with soda. But I also settle with comfort. She is a blanket and a shield and I take care of her as she takes care of me. Sleep comes deep and easy these sleepover nights when we lie (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[next to each other->Come with Me]].

My socks pit-pat on the linoleum as I cross the floor to the fridge, where already she is digging. She knows exactly where the fruit box is; right side, a little more than halfway up. After just a moment, she holds up a container of cherries - (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[her favorite->Favorites.]] - triumphantly. I smile at her and playfully snatch it away from her with a cackle. She shrieks in outrage and pounces on me, hands clawing for the container I hold (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[above her head->Short]]. She jumps and tries to tackle me before I finally relent and give it back to her. She baptises the fruit with our tap water, and when she pulls it from the stream, it gleams and glints and drips with beads of water left behind. Shutting off the sink, she gropes for the paper towel roll and pulls of a wad to stop the droplets from pooling on the floor. She races back out of the kitchen on tiptoeing feet, and as I follow her, I grab two cans of root beer from the box just outside the pantry. Pit-patting back through the carpeted hall, and I'm back again within my (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[bedroom->Two's Bedroom]].

Rainier cherries. Clear red and pale gold-yellow, glossy and glassy in a way that makes you think of the cherries they bite into in 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' - the new one, anyway. This is the kind she has on her favorite earrings. (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[This->Two's Kitchen]] is the kind that is her favorite, period.

I'm taller than she is, but she's not short. I'm just tall. Just tall enough to keep things out of her reach, be it spoons of cookie dough or hair ties or a (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[little stuffed kitten->Two's Kitchen]].

She's already nesting back down into the den of blankets and pillows within the fort when I enter the room. I get down on my knees and join her in the cave of fairy lights and rose-print sheets, surrounded by softness everywhere. I watch her (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[face->Her Face.]] as she types in the password to my laptop with practiced speed - ruth&cherry - and clicks straight to Netflix. "Ruths, they've had this movie recently that looks fucking awful and I think we'd love it and we definitely have to watch it." "Brilliant," I say firmly, and lean back into (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[heaven->Movie]].

Pale, smooth skin, a faint blush of rose brushed over her cheeks from the inside. Her eyes are dark and deep and warm, like falling asleep next to the woodstove on a November night, and are rimmed with soft lashes that are just translucent enough that when they catch the sunlight they look like fairy's wings. Her face is what they call heart-shaped, her jaw and chin narrowing slightly. Her waved black hair sometimes falls over her eyes, and her fingertips tuck it back again, like a silver pin in a (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[veil of sea->Waitress Bedroom]].

The entrance flap of the blanket fort has been closed, the fairy lights have been turned down low, and our bodies are (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[pressed together->Pressed Together]] with the laptop balances on the bones of our hips. A curl of her hair has fallen onto my cheek as our heads rest against each other. Her elbow rests upon my rising and falling stomach. On screen the (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[love interest->Love Interest]] faces a horde of rotting, cgi zombies, armed with nothing but His Love for the main character as she lies, unconcious, yards away. My best friend eats her cherries in place of popcorn, sneaking the pits into a napkin from the corner of her mouth. My eyes are settled on the screen, but every time I raise my can of root beer to take a sip, the tingling static in my mind swells and swells. On the screen, the love interest stabs the last zombie in the head with a sharp rock, and She hums in approval, but Oh My God. I don't understand what's happening in the movie anymore. My skull buzzes, alight with (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[a thousand glowing wasps->I Need To]].

My favorite place in the whole world my favorite place in all existence where I can feel the curve of her body and the warmth of her glowing into me and the swell and fall of her breathing and the soft barely-heard pulse of her heartbeat and the scent of her (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[hair and skin and pjs ->Movie]]

Straight White Cis Man is in love with Straight White Cis Woman. Even in the zombie apocolypse, social norms seem to miraculously (t8n-time:0.5s)[[survive->Movie]].

//I need to (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[kiss her->Kiss Her]]. I Need to (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[Kiss Her->Kiss Her.]]. Oh, God, I ''Need'' to (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[Kiss Her->.Kiss Her.]].//

My ears have stopped. I hear nothing. I turn my face to hers. She looks down at me, and my hand slips through the silk-soft hair at the back of her head and pulls her to (t8n-time:0.5s)[[me->Kiss]].

My ears have stopped. I hear nothing. I turn my face to hers. She looks down at me, and my hand slips through the silk-soft hair at the back of her head and pulls her to (t8n-time:0.5s)[[me->.Kiss.]].

My ears have stopped. I hear nothing. I turn my face to hers. She looks down at me, and my hand slips through the silk-soft hair at the back of her head and pulls her to (t8n-time:0.5s)[[me->Kiss.]].

First, there is darkness without sound as I close my eyes. The only sound is the pounding rush of blood in my ears. Her lips are soft, so, so soft on mine, and for a terrifying fractured second they do not move. But then they do, and then color taste touch scent explodes. Deepest richest ruby pinks the texture of the flesh of a peach sprawling unfolding unfurling in my brain. Deep saturated violet explodes across the edges like octopus ink and everything is swirled with flecks of deep deep gold from a dragonfire chest. Everything is on fire and everything is injected with stars. The warmth is the fire and it heats my chest and my head. My hands are cupping her jaw, fingers tucked behind her ears and through her hair, and suddenly I feel she is holding me in just the same way. Gentle and shy but not letting go. Our mouths share each other, and when a tiny slip of her tongue brushes my lips, I know something powerfully. (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[She tastes like cherries.->After]]

First, there is darkness without sound as I close my eyes. The only sound is the pounding rush of blood in my ears as I press my lips into hers. And then she pulls away. My body seems to shatter. My eyes are open, vision pounding with the //boom, Boom, BOOM// racing of my heart. My brain is spinning in my skull, my flesh swelling with burning numbing novocain. I am a wild animal in a cage. I am a tiger cowering from a cattle prod. I am a wolf shivering in the corner of a metal pen. Because so is she. She has pressed herself against the other wall of the blanket fort, dark eyes round and perfect lips parted as breaths rip from both our throats. "Ruth," she says, the word quivering and fragile on the air, and it breaks me. Tears bloom in my eyes and fall from my lashes like pearls onto my old white tee where they are eaten by the cotton. "Ruth," she says again, and her voice cracks like winter fingertips. "Don't," I choke out. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I didn't mean to do that." She is silent, throat working as she tries to come up with something to say. "Please just forget about this," I whisper. "Please, Cherry. I'm sorry." "I didn't know you... liked girls," she breathes. "I don't," I lie, and my heart cracks a little more. "I don't know what I was thinking. Please, Cherry, I'm so sorry." Her gaze travels upward, from the laptop laying discarded on its side to my tear-streaked face. "Okay," she says slowly, eyes full of a thousand emotions I don't understand and fear to. "Okay, Ruth. I can forget. If you want me to forget, I can forget." "Yes," I choke, "Yes, God, yes, please. I'm so sorry for doing that." She nods, slowly as she spoke, and hesitantly begins to curl back down from her press against the wall. Without another word, she rights the laptop and settles into a perch, legs held to her chest. Several feet away. (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[And she has never been so far.->After.]]

Our lips connect, and suddenly nothing is quiet, everything is noise and movement. The pounding rush of blood in my ears and the breath that comes short and fast from our noses as our mouths move of their own accord. Her lips are soft but then they are not, they are pressing hard against my own, and then they are soft again, and I discover her lips are warm but are nothing like the wonderful fiery warmth she breathes into me from within her mouth. And as soon as I discover this the whole world tastes of nothing but bloodred cherries. Colors explode behind my eyes as I feel her fingers slip around the back of my head, pulling me closer and harder against her, so we are pressed mouth to mouth and belly to belly. Deepest richest ruby pinks the texture of the flesh of a peach sprawling unfolding unfurling in my brain. Deep saturated violet explodes across the edges like octopus ink and everything is swirled with flecks of deep deep gold from a dragonfire chest. Everything is on fire and everything is injected with stars. The warmth is the fire and it heats my chest and my head and my belly. We are breathing each other. I don't know how we will ever manage to stop. The scent, taste, and feel of her fulfills my soul like I have never experienced. (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[But somehow, after years or seconds, we break apart, heaving for air.->.After.]]

After a neverending moment, we pull apart softly, eyes round and seeking for the other. When we find each other, our flushed mouths curl into smiles. Our laughter is quiet and giddy. "You taste like cherries," I whisper to her, a shivering tingle running through my body as I say it, something I thought I'd never dare to do. "You taste like root beer," she whispers back shyly. We grin at each other like future lovers just met. "Cherry," I breathe, and my heart beats faster. "There's something I need to tell you." She looks at me, dark eyes wide, hair curling into her face, and my chest cinches. "I love you. And not like, in the way best friends are supposed to." A beautiful blush rolls through her cheeks, and her smile glows. Her hand is soft when she brushes her thumb over my lips. "I love you too, Ruths." And she pulls me close, and I pull her close, and we hold and hold and hold each other like (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[fairies asleep in a cherry blossom->The End]].

I am cold. The movie ends. She does not say a word when the credits role, does not say a word when I slip out of the blanket fort I made for her, does not say a word when I creep under the covers of my bed and cry, and cry harder when I notice how damp my pillow is becoming. The fairy lights blink out after fifteen minutes. My bed is sorely empty, missing her form next to me like a lost finger. I lay there in the dark and let my tears fall into my hair. Nothing matters anymore. Everything is wrong. Broken bones and bloody cracked teeth. I have lost her. I am (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[cold->The End]].

It takes us a few moments to catch our breaths. Electricity lances through my body as I look up at her, though this is a different kind than I had earlier. Our eyes, blue and coffee, lock. She grins, breathlessly. "Holy shit," she breathes. "Ruths, //holy shit//." We stare at each other, grinning. "So," I start carefully, "What happens now?" She considers this for a second, licks her lips, smiles. "I think," she begins, "we finish the movie. And then we go to bed. And in the morning... We'll see." "We'll see," I repeat, halfway agreeing with her, halfway confirming that we will. "We'll see," she tells me firmly. But instead of righting the laptop, she leans forward again. And again, my world becomes the taste of (t8n-depart:"dissolve")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:0.5s)[[cherries->The End]].

(align:"=><=")+(box:"=XXX=")[(text-colour:red)[ #//Cherry//] L.A.H.]