Choices

In two. Both are the same One is stationary Spiralling in place Round and Floating Beating Spinning Almost shifting within itself Waves rushing along its rhythm The other shifting and swaying. East West Swaying forward Cold and warm Long and distant Crowded Suffocating Tight Piercing A spacious view Free In two In one Are one [[I feel weird]]

Collection of tiny bursts Micros and atoms forming Pulling together with a sudden attraction. Entwining Dragging Combining Brewing in a sea of water Relieving its code creating a biome Of gene and blood It curdles, mincing together [[Maybe I'm sick?]] [[I think I might be->Conception, Section 4]] [[It's probably nothing->Conception, Section 3]]

A tiny capsule given such burden That seems so black and empty Now tight and clear Blue and pink Red and yellow White and painful Fragile and soft Becoming aware But still uncertain The very core produces a dull ache [[It's positive]] [[Why now?->NNNFFN, section 2]] [[No! No! No! Fuck! Fuck No!->Conception, section 5]] [[It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.->Whoa/Yes! section 1]] [[Whoa?->Whoa/Yes! section 1]] [[Finally->Whoa/Yes!]]

Morphing Pushing Curling Pressure echoes within the blood stream Pulsing through the water Forming Scrambling Rocking Back and forth It becomes a tide A rush of bubbles The fusion is burning [[Am I sick??]] [[No!->Conception, section 5]] [[I think I might be…->Conception, Section 4]]

[[Tomorrow keeps me awake]] [[Yesterday weakens me stride]] [[The worse will give me no surprise]] Percussion shakes the cradle Shivering and stirring Jarring Striking The sea tremors vibrantly Therapeutic Slowly clashing against the lining Softening Whooshing Swaying Cooling against the hot sweat [[Maybe it’ll be okay->Whoa/Yes! section 1]] [[I don’t want this->Abortion, Section 1]] [[I don’t think I’m ready yet->NNNFFN Section 3]]

Humming sooths the bed Gentle swishing the cells inside Sonic memories fade to senses Multitude of shares are weighed down Rippling through the veins The torture is bliss The pain is beauty. It’s violent but empty The form is dull The feeling is numb The regrets are little Struggling voice Emerges faintly Overwhelmed by the water Subdued by electric The ripples shrink [[Okay. Calm Down. Breathe ->Whoa/Yes! section 4]] [[Oh Please! Oh no! ->Hospital, section 1]]

Stretching Sheaving Coiling together in a bundle Fermenting with carbon Placid with vials of yeast The sound waves blast its bed. Searing Invigorating Forgetful Innocence Ignorance of smoke Arrogant to oil Stubbornly beating [[I don't have... ->NNNFFN Section 1]]

The dank smell ethanol Soured my nose My throat swollen with saliva My head ruptured The smiles of empty faces Whined me in Everything’s toxic [[Keep Partying ->NNNFFN, Section 7]] [[Leave Go ->NNNFFN, Section 4]]

Nauseous Crazy Itchy My nails dig in me Scratching my skin Scraping Grinding Splitting the surface apart My arm becomes red [[I can’t do this ->Abortion, Section 1]] [[I’m becoming restless ->Whoa/Yes! Section 3]]

[[I give tomorrow a new day]] [[My voice doesn’t reflect me]] [[The sun kiss smile]] [[Seals a stone]] [[Heavy]] [[Sinking]] [[My spirit wavers]] ... ... (beating) ... [[Maybe I should go get checked ->Hospital, section 1]] [[Sing ->Whoa/Yes! Section 2]]

Forming Squirming Growing fingers and toes Expanding Scratching Moving Cradled in a ball A little collection of cells Beating I open my eyes slightly My consciousness is blurry Can I really do this? [[Yeah. I'm going to go fine. ->Pregnancy, Section 1]] [[I'm not so sure ->Abortion, Section 1]]

Dragging Spiralling Pulling together with a sudden attraction Everything are uncertain Unware of its own existence A collection of cells Moves along a blurred screen Black and White The waters move Whisking Twirling Swelling up to the walls Ripples of pulse Ticking against the waters ''Aren’t you please?'' [[Thank Heavens ->Pregnancy, Section 1]] [[Why do I see feel uneasy? ->Whoa/Yes! Section 3]] [[Thank you ->Whoa/Yes! section 4]]

My home is very strange My walls are empty Pink and blue Water covers me I have become to understand Gaining the world’s experiences My cradle trembles further Water fills up Spinning me around What am I? My song plays again Humming Whispers Echoes A trill of laughter I want to move But I'm still small [[Ah. ->Pregnancy, Section 2]]

[[Nights and Days Both torment me I carry on my life But the night mocks my sleep]] Pressure tightens the ball The world is falling Adrenaline send the waters rapid Cortisol sours the blood Glucose enters the cradle Thick and slurring Adrenaline send the waters rapid Spinning Shifting Turning [[There are many options It’s hard one Pick one now Regret it later When I’m ready Can you help Tomorrow Today Both I can’t answer to I can’t answer for My head is reeling]] [[''We’re here to help'']] [[I’m really not ready ->Abortion, Section 3]] [[I don’t think I can through with this ->NNNFFN Section 8]] [[I need to think more ->Whoa/Yes! Section 3]]

Onions Garlic Sugar Cream Sour Bitter and sweet Everything I want to know Can be tasted on tongue Entering this ball Bound by flesh and veins The world’s flavours Stew and trail to me Rapid and constant Desire unhinged I crave more [[I'm going to be sick ->Hospital, Section 4]]

[[Weeks switch to months]] [[The home is swollen]] [[Unware of its own existence]] [[A collection of cells]] [[Moves along a blurred screen]] Pulling together with a sudden attraction Dragging Spiralling Everything are uncertain Black and White The waters move Whisking Twirling Swelling up to the walls Ripples of pulse Ticking against the waters It waved ''Aren’t you please?'' [[Giggle ->Pregnancy, Section 3]] [[Wow… It’s getting bigger? ->Abortion, Section 4]] [[Wave back ->Pregnancy, Section 3]]

Currents washes in The tide rises to the hilt Swirling in creating pressure Rocking the body against itself Heaving Heaving Crashing against the body Time becomes aloof [[*screaming*]] Scrapping against the lining Intolerable Intense The wall start to spilt The crown is coming [[BLOODY TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL ->Hospital, section 5]]

Pressure tightens the ball Cortisol permeates the bloodstream Glucose fills the pool Clogging the water Thick and slurring Adrenaline send the waters rapid Spinning Shifts Turning The cradle cries The timid wailing Stirs the home further [[I’m going to be sick]] [[Maybe, I’m not cut out for this? Maybe now’s not a good time. ->Abortion, Section 2]] [[No. I’ll be fine. Nothing ever easy, but I’ll be fine. ->Pregnancy, Section 3]]

Pain Tightness Tears And frustration Contracting apart the world screams Crying for relief The cradle about to burst Push Push Push The pressure build too much The skin is hot and flustered Sweat pour down a sea of red The body produces another [[''*Screaming*'' ->Birth]]

Selection of choices given From a brew of gene and blood In a bed of black to white A spacious view Only a few metres away In return comes beauty Fragile by glace and touch By a man in scrubs To its mother with love And father in sweats … Maybe I’m here

... (beating) ... (beating) (beating) Softly strumming It hums Vibrating The soft melody merges with the core Blending to euphony [[Keep Singing ->Whoa/Yes! Section 6]] [[There you go. Little solider. ->Whoa/Yes! section 4]]

The cradle cries Wailing hits like thunder The storm shudders its home The body screams Cortisol becomes chronic Adrenaline tighten the throat Glucose suffocates the ball The waters become murky The cradle gets bigger The capsule brings pressure [[It’s time to make a decision]] [[Okay. It’s time ->Abortion, Section 2]] [[Maybe I can do this ->Pregnancy, Section 1]]

I douse my body with hot water Its cleansing Washing away my stupidity I feel more sane Dropping to my bed The mattress sucks me in Soft Warm Light I filling like I am floating I drown myself with some music Closing my eyes Leaving my body to the temp Tranquil songs sway me Whisking me away [[I’ve become immersed ->NNNFFN Section 8.2]]

I take my headphones out of my jacket I selected my favourite music And close my eyes I slowly calm down A pleasant sheet covers me Absorbing the chaos Delicate Silken The blanket drafts over The discord of my thoughts The noise within my body Both become obscure Only the quiet sound of my breathing is leaves me Being scattered to all parts of my being A faint breath escapes my lips Time and time again I’m sinking more deeply [[Fall asleep ->Whoa/Yes! section 5]] [[Start thinking calmly ->Whoa/Yes! section 4]]

Time is impatient It provokes Irritated And works well with life Both can be relentless It draws ever closer And the risks are small The future is uncertain Regretting today to live for tomorrow Resenting yesterday for a non-existent future My decision is made It’s right for me I mourn for you Remorseful and relieved It’s both sour and sweet Tomorrow comes Today Forgive me

The rhythm and tempo My heart and breathe They tuned together little by little Melting Entwining Mulling together Becoming a surging influx My body becomes a whirlpool The orchestra permeates my skin The melody stokes it softly Riding throughout my body It mingles with my blood [[*Start dreaming* ->NNNFFN Section 8.3]]

[[A canvas of colours dance within my head Its lights shine like a soft film My sanctuary was speaking to me Telling me I’m the only one allowed here This place was only for me It was mine]] ... ... ... (beating) [[Beating?]] (beating) (beating) [[Heartbeat]] ... [[That’s not mine]] (beating) A giggle mummers through the walls [[They vibration shakes me from my sleep My stomach is burning Bursting with gunpowder]] (beating) ... [[Cry yourself to sleep ->NNNFFN, section 2]] [[Please no. Go away. Please ->Miscarriage, section 9]]

Banging a symphony Casting a fire The cradle shakes and rumbles Shattering Collapsing Pressure tighten within Fireworks blasting It’s electric One Two Three Five The spark multiply The cradle becomes full *Screaming* The waves swallowed my head Ignoring my body’s cry There’s blood I’m bleeding *crying* I can’t move *crying*

A light of colours dance within my head Fleeting across my eyes lids In a trance They mould Merge Shimmer Fading into noire A soft film playing Speaking to me It’s only for me It's for me (beating) ... (beating) (beating) [[Beating?]] (beating) (beating) [[That’s not mine]] (beating) [[It shakes me from my sleep My stomach is burning]] Bursting with gunpowder Cradle beats to drums Taping Tap Tap [[... ->Whoa/Yes! section 4]]

Sweet words hug the capsule Stroking the ball gently Warmth carries along the blue The pink grows and hums back Taping along the body The beats spreads Pounding through the bloody Water seeps through the body Cooling the sweat [[You’re a little drummer ->Pregnancy, Section 1]]

[[The speakers bark at me Drinks of yellow and green Orange and amber Shots of blue Rush down my tongue The siren wraps around my body Swishing me against the blur I laugh for no reason I smile despite being confused The world is in a drunken euphoria Considerations Worries Pain I had none I have none]] [[This part of me is everything ->Miscarriage, section 5]]

[[Flock of guilt boils within It emulsifies Bubbling Fizzing Foaming The froth slithers up my neck Burning my month A detox of sin in my throat]] [[Throw up ->Miscarriage, section 6]] [[Go lay down ->NNNFFN Section 8]]

[[A palette of colours covered the basin I rest myself against the wall The cold tiles sooth my head A warm stream fills my body The waves swirling within my head Ignoring my body Screaming Crying in pain Everything was so comfortable My brain was calm Buzzing Cold Numb My stale breath I’m tired I’m bleeding There’s so much blood?]] ... ... ... [[Everything fading I'm so tired It's gone black]]

[[The jeers and laughter Faded within me Mixing the with the music Controlling my rhythm I smile I’m spinning Everything is gone The siren call flashes blue Bright Screaming I'm laying on a bed While everything around me was rushing I can't do anything I don't understand Where am I? Cold Numb Calm I inhaled drug fuelled air I’m bleeding Why is there so much blood? Why won’t anyone hear me? There’s so much blood]] ... [[*crying*]]