A Christmas Game (Inform Port) — 5 of 15

Section 4 - Chester Street (and Pigeon Jon)

Chester Street is a room. "You are outside Your House on a side road near the city centre, that runs from East to West.

In the gutter a pigeon is joyfully pecking at the remains of a discarded KFC. It's a crisp cold day, in the distance you can hear carol singing.."

Outside from Your Lounge is Chester Street.

Instead of listening to Chester Street:

Say "You can hear the sound of carol signing in the distance. Sounds like it's coming from the Town Square."

Instead of smelling Chester Street:

Say "You can smell the faint odour of fried chicken."

Pigeon Jon is in Chester Street.

Pigeon Jon is a person.

Pigeon Jon is scenery.

Description of Pigeon Jon is "A grey city pigeon with a grumpy demeanour."

Talking to is an action applying to one visible thing.

Understand "talk to [any thing]" , "speak to [any thing]", "speak to [any person]" and "talk to [any person]" as talking.

Instead of talking to something: say "it doesn't respond!"

Instead of talking to someone: say "they do not respond".

Instead of talking to Pigeon Jon: say "'My name's Jon, and I'm a fucking pigeon!'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Santa":

say "'Nice guy, gave me some biscuits last year, even though I'd been naughty! Omnipresent my arse.'".

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Father Christmas":

say "'Nice guy, gave me some biscuits last year, even though I'd been naughty! Omnipresent my arse.'".

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "crackers":

say "'Crackers! I'm a fucking pigeon not a parrot! Polly wants a cracker, Polly wants a cracker! Fuck off!'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "KFC":

say "'It's my KFC, fuck you!'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "James":

say "'That poor fucker, something must have happened to him when he was younger, all he does is prop up the bar at the Cross Keys. Still, he's always dropping his takeaway after closing time, so it's all good for me!'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "rake thin man":

say "'That poor fucker, something must have happened to him when he was younger, all he does is prop up the bar at the Cross Keys, I think his name's James. Still, he's always dropping his takeaway after closing time, so it's all good for me!'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Chief Elf":

say "'He's a right bolshy git! One of them champagne socialist types, thinks he's champion of the working class, soon mellows after a jar or two though!'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Christmas":

say "The Pigeon says 'Here's a good game...

[bold type]How to get your Pigeon Elf Christmas Name.

The First Letter of Your Name

[bold type]A.[roman type] Jingle [bold type]B.[roman type] Sparkle [bold type]C. [roman type]Twinkle [bold type]D. [roman type]Rudolph [bold type]E.[roman type] Tinkle [bold type] F.[roman type] Ducky [bold type]G.[roman type] Lemsip [bold type] H.[roman type] Panda-Eyes [bold type]I. [roman type]Mince [bold type]J.[roman type] Matchmakers [bold type] K.[roman type] Chop-Sticks [bold type]L.[roman type] Snowy [bold type]M.[roman type] Barry [bold type]N.[roman type] Fairy [bold type]O.[roman type] Star [bold type] P.[roman type] Marmalade [bold type]Q.[roman type] Made up Name [bold type]R.[roman type] Dick-face [bold type]S.[roman type] Potato [bold type]T.[roman type] Jesus [bold type]U.[roman type] Calendar [bold type]V.[roman type] Cinnamon [bold type]W.[roman type] Emergency Exit [bold type] X.[roman type] Cling film [bold type]Y.[roman type] Derek Acorah [bold type]Z.[roman type] Scrooge

[bold type]Month of Your Birth[roman type]

[bold type]January:[roman type] Fuck Off. [bold type]February:[roman type] Fuck Off.

[bold type] March:[roman type] Fuck Off. [bold type]April:[roman type] Fuck Off.

[bold type] May:[roman type] Fuck Off. [bold type]June:[roman type] Fuck Off.

[bold type] July:[roman type] Fuck Off. [bold type]August:[roman type] Fuck Off.

[bold type] September:[roman type] Fuck Off. [bold type]October:[roman type] Fuck Off

[bold type] November:[roman type] Fuck Off. [bold type]December:[roman type] Fuck Off"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Scrooge":

say "'That miserly old coffin-dodger makes me look like Mr Sunshine and Rainbows, about time he was taught a lesson.'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Ebenezer Scrooge":

say "'That miserly old coffin-dodger makes me look like Mr Sunshine and Rainbows, about time he was taught a lesson.'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Ebenezer":

say "'That miserly old coffin-dodger makes me look like Mr Sunshine and Rainbows, about time he was taught a lesson.'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Bob Cratchit":

say "'Poor git, having to work for that tyrant Ebenezer.'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Bob":

say "'Poor git, having to work for that tyrant Ebenezer.'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Turkey":

say "'Turkey? My Name's Jon and I'm a fucking pigeon! Ha ha! Anyway I prefer chicken myself.'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Landlady":

say "'A fiend for the gin that one, sleeps like the dead when she's had a session.'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "jokes":

say "'The Pigeon says, 'Here's one for you:

'What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?'

'Cross Mouse Cards!'

'Ha ha ha!'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about "Robin":

say "'Robin's alright, but he looks a right dickhead on that bike! Ha Ha Ha!'"

Instead of asking Pigeon Jon about something:

say "'fucked if I know anything about that', says Jon."

Instead of taking Pigeon Jon:

say "You try to pick up the pigeon 'Fuck off!' cries the pigeon. He flaps out of your reach and lands back in the gutter again."

Instead of telling Pigeon Jon about "fuck off":

say "'Charming!' says the pigeon, 'You won't get far in this game with that attitude. Fuck you!'"

Instead of telling Pigeon Jon about "to fuck off":

Say "'Charming!' says the pigeon, 'You won't get far in this game with that attitude. Fuck you!'"

KFC is a thing.

KFC is in Chester Street.

KFC is scenery.

Instead of taking KFC:

say "You stoop down to pick it up but the pigeon exclaims, 'It's my KFC! Fuck off!'. The murderous glint in the pigeon's eye persuades you to leave the KFC on the ground."